I've lived with my mom and stepdad since I was 2, so I've grown pretty used to my stepdad and the way he is, but our latest conversation really got under my skin and, quite frankly, scared me. (my step-dad can easily lose his temper and make rash decisions if he is mad or doesn't agree with something) We were talking about my future, and basically he was irritated (understatement) that I haven't figured out what I want to do when I go to college, but I have assured him countless times that I am going to college no matter what, and he has nothing to worry about. He then kinda got pissed, and was all "I knew where my entire life was headed when I was your age!!" (I'm 15, and I'm glad he can predict the future but I can't) Still though, I wasn't bothered much by any of this. As the conversation came to a close, and we pulled up to get out of the car, he casually said "The 2 things I never want my kids to be is gay or a dopehead, so we'll be just fine." (he wasn't hinting anything, he was just making a statement) He then kind of laughed and I just looked at him and thought "We have a serious problem."
My dad doesn't know that I'm gay, and he also says the same to me, it's especially awkward when on TV, they're showing gay couples or a man cheats on his wife/gf with another guy - he always makes the most extreme homophobic jokes comments. It pisses me off, because he has no idea what he's unintentionally doing, but then I remember he's never really given a shit about our family, so it's not a surprise. Because of the way my dad has treated my family, I argue with myself whether or not I should actually tell him, does he really deserve to know? If you wish to tell your dad, when the time is right of course, then by all means go ahead, it could, if we're hoping for the best, change his opinion on homosexuals as a whole, or it could make everything worse - especially if you what you say is true about his temper. I know it would be the latter for my dad, which is why if I do consider coming out to him, it won't be until I have moved out. Just ask yourself this: Does he love you enough that he'd still accept you?
My dad is the same way. I don't plan on telling him. If I do tell him, it will be after I have moved away from him and college. And it will be over the phone. Do the safe thing, and just wait. You don't really need to tell him any time soon.
Oh, trust me, I'm not coming out to any family members anytime soon, that post was more of a rant. It just bothers me cause I know we're gonna have serious problems in the future. @Rexmond, he isn't the kind of dad (stepdad) who will "stop loving me" but he will definitely reject every bit of it, and I know it will bother him to his core lol. He's pretty narrow-minded X( ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2013 at 03:10 PM ---------- I'm not worried though, he will just get over himself and move on to judging someone else anyways.
I'll echo BornInTexas here: it would be a good idea to wait to tell your step dad. Quite likely until you are out of college. Also let me reassure you that you are not alone in having every detail of your life planned out at 15! Many people don't know even going into college, or think they know, but change their minds.
Ditto, my family make Homophobic remarks, like their disgust at 2 Men Kissing & Gay Marriage is wrong :icon_sad:
Good decision. (I was writing my advice while you posted, so I didn't see this before saying to keep quiet!) Rants like this can a good way of let off steam! ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2013 at 02:27 PM ---------- I can hardly wait for my family to learn.... Some people will be OK, like a couple of cousins. Unfortunately, they are two thousand miles away. The local family? There's my dad. No idea how he'll take it, but it really probably doesn't matter--I'm not the son he wanted, no matter what is views on gays might be. The family he's married into has some people who will certainly not take the news at all well. My dad's wife is, I believe, a conservative Christian. So is her son-in-law, who has, I think, made an attempt at "saving me." I think her daughter-in-law is also a conservative Christian (never met her, but that's the sense I get from what I hear). Words cannot express the joy of what will happen when this crew learns that I am definitely not straight, and almost certainly gay. The only thing that will be worse will be showing up to a family event with boyfriend in tow, assuming I ever manage to get such a creature in my life. (My evil side even ponders a short term relationship just to see what happens.) As I read this, I don't see much of value to others, except it shows that even at my age, families can be an issue. Also it shows the value of venting--I feel so much better now!
Yeah, you sure aren't. I knew what I wanted to do with my life, but having obsessive interests makes this a lot easier. I know plenty of university first-years who aren't sure what they want to do. If you can't decide, all you need to do is take a bunch of classes and see what interests you and/or what you're good at.
And some people never even figure things out 100% in college. It's not unheard of for people to declare a major that is nothing more than something they can do that gets them a degree. This may strike some as not having it together, and I suppose there can be truth in that. At the same time, one of my cousins basically went down that road. When she was in college, she had a new major every week, or it seemed. Finally she reached the "crap or get off the pot" point, and declared something just so she could get out of college. A terrible failure, one might say, except after college she went to law school, and is probably now the best paid cousin I've got on that side of the family.
