An Anxious Thought

Not going to make this long because I don't feel like it, so i'm gonna jump into the point. I was talking with a "friend" today. And he randomly says to me "A Black Man and a White Man walk into a store. Have you noticed that everyone just stares at the Black man but they'll say hello and good day to the White man. I just don't get that shit." Mind you, my "friend" is white. After he said it, he rambled on about how diverse his friends are. So I told another friend and he laughed it off but was like "He is such a secret racist man." The look on his face was more like, smh rather than lol.

Personally, I didn't take offense to it because I didn't pay it much attention and he didn't seem to be malicious about it, in my eyes, though it surely wasn't the only time he made "Black and White" comments. Keep in mind, my "friend" is young. So I don't know if it stemmed from a "I don't know any better aka Ignorance" stance or "I really don't care because it doesn't affect me aka Malicious" stance. Also, I do know that I have been under alot of stress at home and it could be seeping into this. I didn't take note of this until my friend said what he said. But, I also know that I have a bad tendency not to stand up for myself and allow things to slide by without a second thought just to "keep the peace." So i'm like uber-confused and idk if I should feel some way about it or not.


Anyways, I wanted to ask two questions.

One: Have you ever been in a predicament like this?....One where you weren't sure you had the right to be upset?
Two: In your perspective, what qualifies as Malicious-Racist, Sexist, Homophobic, etc?

 

I messed up. I should've added more info.

It wasn't just the observation that I stated above that made me take a second look. The kid speaks in a very "Black and White" manner which threw me for a loop when I thought about it. Besides that, he is a cool dude. I had just met him that day and we hit it off. We spent most of our time laughing and joking about dumb stuff but it was like anytime race, particularly mine came into the conversation, he would drag on about it. I will also admit that I just might not be used to someone speaking so openly about their opinion of it especially a white kid.

There was a few instances where he did take it too far. When our co-worker was on the phone speaking about an incident involving a car, he starts pretending he's "ghost-riding" then tilts his hat to the side and an older white customer passed behind him and me and our co-worker was chuckling alittle before he, "friend", noticed. Once he saw, he goes "He's probably thinking "Oh god, he's acting black. Jet Black. Ya know?" Me and the co-worker just looked at eachother and brushed it off since it was like "Huh?.." Personally, the manner in which he was playing was/is referred to as being a "hoodlum" or "hoodrat" and saying "acting Black" or "acting White" never lived in the circles I associated with, mainly because we were mature and understood better.

Another instance was when we were cleaning off equipment and the boss(his mother who has been nothing short of amazing since I started, both as a boss and a person) asked him not to rush into the next task and he replies "Why not?, I got me a personal worker over here." referring to me. Now that might be a little immature for me to take that to heart but I didn't appreciate the comment itself, not for historical purposes either but mainly because i'm his co-worker and it was very much inappropriate.

Another instance was when we were talking about how he went somewhere and saw a large woman in small clothing. Now what got me about this was his constant need to say "i'm not racist or anything but"(since the woman he was referring to was Black) even though after he made his observation(stated above) and rambled about that I told him he has nothing to prove to me. So as we're walking he goes "You know i'm not racist. I remember this time when I worked at this store. There was this black woman there, with the body of a goddess. Man, had I been drunk, I would've tore that up." Now growing up in a household of black woman and having nieces, comments like these get under my skin alittle. Honestly, I can't stand hanging around my male cousins at times because of it. But when he said it, it didn't make me mad. It just made me feel so freaking akward and uncomfortable.

Another instance, we were speaking about liquor and I told him I wanted to get my hands on some tequila. Mexican Tequila to be exact. So first he jokingly suggests Mexico. Then he suggests Texas but then goes on and says "But you might get shot(Which may or may not be true, idk)." Then he rambles on about how there is still that "Confederacy Mentality" down there(though I have learned from unfortunate experience that it isn't only in the South) and how he feels it is such bull and they need to get over it. But barely ten seconds later, he goes on and calls himself a "Redneck." So i'm like "WTF!!" I didn't know how to take that. If anything, this one just added to my overall confusion.


Overall, He's a cool dude. Only when race, somehow came into our conversations, would I really just feel like distancing myself from him but once the moment was over, he would call me over to him and say something hilarious. Then we'd be chuckling like two boys watching t.v as the boss shot him "the evil eye." He's young, a year younger than myself though I am quite "aware" for my age, and he's a "livin on a prayer"(by that I mean moderately impulsive) kind of guy. So don't get me wrong, my intent is not to demonize him. Truthfully, though I shouldn't, I am looking for validation in my feelings. Or atleast to see that since I am having troubles elsewhere, that I might be over-reacting.

Now that I think about it, I should've stated the question differently. I should've asked "How do you have a conversation with someone about the manner in which they're doing something that makes you extremely uncomfortable?" but I suck at "peaceful" confrontation. If i'm not fighting(which I also despise but do to an overload of ignorance in others, I do it when I have to) I have no interest in attempting to speak when it may just turn into a shouting match in which i'll be made to look like the bad guy or the "wimp" because I took some "playful" words to heart. Seems very much redundant. So yeah, here's my issue.