I just stumbled upon this thread tonight and wanted to write a post. I am hoping y'all will be able to help me out. I have been out to my friends for about ten years, and my family for six. On the exterior, I don't really make it out to be an issue, but it has been an internal struggle for fifteen years. I was raised in a Christian home, and my dad is a Baptist preacher, so I'm sure that has a lot to do with my unhappiness. I just through periods where I am perfectly content with being gay. On the other hand, I go through periods where I love the idea of living close to my family again, having a wife, a few kids, and just being able to give my mom and dad some grandchildren. For me, it seems like I am more physically attracted to men, but more emotionally attracted to women. If I see a woman who is hurting or upset I feel the need to protect her. If the same happens with a man, then I think "he's a dude, he can take care of himself." At this point, I feel like I've just been rambling. I hope you guys can make heads and tails of my nonsense. Haha.
This may just be me, but I think boys grow up with that idea that they have to be the protector. No matter what sexuality they grow in to, we're all immersed in the prince charming/white knight/women are weak men are strong crap, and it's reinforced in a lot of the hetero relationships we saw on TV or even between our parents. It just sounds like you're longing for that heteronormative idea of family. Maybe because you aren't near your immediate nuclear family any more? I know, I have similar thoughts sometimes, not living near my parents and sisters and etc etc. Make of that what you will, it probably won't change that you feel emotional for women. But if you aren't sexually attracted to them, you're just not. Have you ever felt an emotional connection to men? Is it possible you're forgetting it now, caught up in the idea that guys can "take care of themselves"? If you think that way, imagine how many other men do. Is it in your capacity to see men differently, if you take the time to really think about it? I don't know.
Well, if you can't see yourself being emotionally connected to a male maybe you are bisexual (sexually attracted to both sexes) and heteroromantic (only emotionally interested in females). You do have a really messed up heteronormative view because I'm a girl and frankly, I don't need a man to protect me. However, I am a masculine female and I do feel like I need to protect my feminine partner so I cannot really judge. Anyway, my true advice is not to overthink it so much. Don't worry about labeling yourself. If you must, call it bisexual for now until you decide more. Don't limit yourself. Who cares what its labeled as? You are who you are. Date both sexes. Find out what you like. The only way you can find out who you can be committed to forever is through experience. Don't worry about labels or gender, worry about meeting people and finding your love. No matter who they are. Thats not important. Good luck <3
You can always look for a guy who is more in touch with his "softer" side. I don't mean feminine but maybe someone who is your average guy but is more in touch with his emotions.
