Who pays on dates? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Time · 4th Apr 2008, 05:46 AM

I have a date tonight with this really sweet guy and we're going to the movies, but I'm not sure what to do about paying. I would prefer to go "Dutch" and each of us pay our own way. I think it would be awkward to let him pay or for me to pay for both of us. I was wondering if anyone else had some input to share based on previous experience.

Also..how do you bring that up beforehand without it being too awkward?

And one more thing...has anyone seen Shutter? Is it any good? That's what we're seeing.

Louise · 4th Apr 2008, 05:57 AM

Who invited who? If you are the one doing the inviting you can easily say 'since this is our first time is it ok with you if we go Dutch, next time is on me'. That gives you the chance to see if there is a next time and his reaction to your suggestion.

If he is doing the inviting then you should just tell him that as this is the first time you would prefer to pay for yourself.

Anyway, that's what I would do. Have a great time whatever you decide.

PS no I haven't seen Shutter... sorry can't help you there.

Time · 4th Apr 2008, 06:05 AM

I like that "since it's our first time". I'll probably say that when I bring it up.

I asked him.

RENThead · 4th Apr 2008, 06:15 AM

is it a first date?
if you feel wierd about both paying seperately, maybe you ask him to get the ticket, and you will pay for the food/drinks (the local cinema's near me, the prices work out the same)

CrimsonThunder · 4th Apr 2008, 06:56 AM

Good suggestions.

I don't go out on dates but when I go out with my friends naturally one person pays then the next time we go out someone else pays.

Other times I'll buy the food then the other person will buy the desert.

Not sure if its different on a date.

**Gerry** · 4th Apr 2008, 12:17 PM

I think you should each pay for yourselves and have a good time. Who should pay should be the least of your worries. Have a good time.

Time · 4th Apr 2008, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gerry

Who should pay should be the least of your worries.

What else is there to worry about?!

Louise · 4th Apr 2008, 12:54 PM

Absolutely nothing! Just go and have a good time.

Beebo · 4th Apr 2008, 01:08 PM

parents

4th Apr 2008, 02:34 PM

If it were me and I was really interested in the boy I would be doing the paying, possibly denying payment from the boy. I'm kind of oldschool like that. If its more of a casual date (where you don't like the boy a lot, but just want to see what he is all about), then I would suggest you both paying your own way.

Also, when I take people out to the movies while visiting home, my parents will usually toss me $20 to have a good time, even though I hold a job and can afford it. So if your parents have wads of money I would try that approach as well.

Time · 4th Apr 2008, 07:23 PM

We ended up going Dutch and paying separately which worked out really nicely. I didn't even have to say anything. It was an unspoken agreement. We went to separate counters.

The movie was, to be completely honest, not very good.

But that didn't matter too much. We held hands for about 75% of it, and talked before and after. It was fun. ^_^

5th Apr 2008, 12:54 AM

Grats, sounds like a damn good movie to me! Details?!

Micah · 5th Apr 2008, 03:06 AM

Even though the issue is resolved, I usually split the bill with my dates in a different way:

If we go out for dinner and a movie, if they insist on paying for dinner, then when we get to the movie, I'll insist on paying for the movie. This way you've both split the bill pretty much 50:50 AND you both feel flattered because you both paid for each other

It's a win win really ;p

tehnathan · 10th Apr 2008, 08:27 PM

I echo what Micah said - to me, it is always negotiable, and usually 50/50.

My boyfriend and I take turns paying for movies, dinner and food.

**Lexington** · 11th Apr 2008, 04:28 AM

Speaking very generally, whoever asked should at least make a move to pay. The person who was asked should then block that move, and insist that things be split evenly. Or, as someone else said, if the asker is paying for dinner, he should say "OK, but let ME pay for the movie tickets and snacks."

It's a bit of a "dance", but a lot of social etiquette is like that.

After the first date, you should be comfortable enough with each other to bring it up. You should probably either go Dutch, or do the "I pay for this, you pay for that" thing, unless one of you clearly has more money than the other. If one of you has a great job or really generous parents, and the other's trying to make do on a $5 a week allowance, then it's clear who should start paying for a larger share.

But it'll be up to the richer one to make that move. The poorer one shouldn't go "OK, Uncle Moneybags, cough up."

Lex

Grantious · 11th Apr 2008, 07:29 AM

ha ha ha
I've got a date 2moz which i'm way excited about he's paying... mainly because i can't ROFL
W00T

PEEKINGOUT · 11th Apr 2008, 02:49 PM

Seeing How I Am Only Attracted To Very Submissive, And Extremely Feminine Men, If I Went Out On A Date With A Guy I Would Certainly Pay...definitly, Without A Doubt...it Would Be Like Taking A Chick Out, I Wouldnt Expect Her To Pay. Eventually, If It Worked Out He Would Be Like My "girl" And Me His "man"...i Guess Thats How It Would Work.(at Least Thats How It Works In My Fantasies)

Miaplacidus · 11th Apr 2008, 07:03 PM

The one who has the most money, or the older one. That's the usual here.

4th Apr 2008, 05:46 AM	#1
Time EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Arkansas Age: 18 Posts: 437 Join Date: Jul 2007	Who pays on dates? I have a date tonight with this really sweet guy and we're going to the movies, but I'm not sure what to do about paying. I would prefer to go "Dutch" and each of us pay our own way. I think it would be awkward to let him pay or for me to pay for both of us. I was wondering if anyone else had some input to share based on previous experience. Also..how do you bring that up beforehand without it being too awkward? And one more thing...has anyone seen Shutter? Is it any good? That's what we're seeing.

4th Apr 2008, 05:57 AM	#2
Louise EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Straight/open minded Location: France Age: 47 Posts: 2,120 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? Who invited who? If you are the one doing the inviting you can easily say 'since this is our first time is it ok with you if we go Dutch, next time is on me'. That gives you the chance to see if there is a next time and his reaction to your suggestion. If he is doing the inviting then you should just tell him that as this is the first time you would prefer to pay for yourself. Anyway, that's what I would do. Have a great time whatever you decide. PS no I haven't seen Shutter... sorry can't help you there. __________________ I'm a supporter of gay rights... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant. Paul Newman

4th Apr 2008, 06:05 AM	#3
Time EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Arkansas Age: 18 Posts: 437 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? I like that "since it's our first time". I'll probably say that when I bring it up. I asked him.

4th Apr 2008, 06:15 AM	#4
RENThead EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay / Asexual Out Status: everyone who asks Location: Cork, Ireland Age: 22 Posts: 447 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Who pays on dates? is it a first date? if you feel wierd about both paying seperately, maybe you ask him to get the ticket, and you will pay for the food/drinks (the local cinema's near me, the prices work out the same)

4th Apr 2008, 06:56 AM	#5
CrimsonThunder Seventh Son of a Seventh Son Full Member Gender: Boy Orientation: Bi Out Status: Friends, Work, Whoever knows Location: South Australian! Posts: 3,536 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? Good suggestions. I don't go out on dates but when I go out with my friends naturally one person pays then the next time we go out someone else pays. Other times I'll buy the food then the other person will buy the desert. Not sure if its different on a date. __________________ Biggest car buff around.

4th Apr 2008, 12:17 PM	#6
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,551 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Who pays on dates? I think you should each pay for yourselves and have a good time. Who should pay should be the least of your worries. Have a good time. __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

4th Apr 2008, 12:54 PM	#8
Louise EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Straight/open minded Location: France Age: 47 Posts: 2,120 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? Absolutely nothing! Just go and have a good time. __________________ I'm a supporter of gay rights... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant. Paul Newman

4th Apr 2008, 01:08 PM	#9
Beebo the cat what has facial hair. Full Member Gender: MAN Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 23 Posts: 893 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Who pays on dates? parents __________________ New Song up. a rough version of "The Ghost of Adam".(I will be adding more.)

4th Apr 2008, 02:34 PM	#10
Nicvcer Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Who pays on dates? If it were me and I was really interested in the boy I would be doing the paying, possibly denying payment from the boy. I'm kind of oldschool like that. If its more of a casual date (where you don't like the boy a lot, but just want to see what he is all about), then I would suggest you both paying your own way. Also, when I take people out to the movies while visiting home, my parents will usually toss me $20 to have a good time, even though I hold a job and can afford it. So if your parents have wads of money I would try that approach as well.

4th Apr 2008, 07:23 PM	#11
Time EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Arkansas Age: 18 Posts: 437 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? We ended up going Dutch and paying separately which worked out really nicely. I didn't even have to say anything. It was an unspoken agreement. We went to separate counters. The movie was, to be completely honest, not very good. But that didn't matter too much. We held hands for about 75% of it, and talked before and after. It was fun. ^_^

5th Apr 2008, 12:54 AM	#12
Nicvcer Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Who pays on dates? Grats, sounds like a damn good movie to me! Details?!

5th Apr 2008, 03:06 AM	#13
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	Re: Who pays on dates? Even though the issue is resolved, I usually split the bill with my dates in a different way: If we go out for dinner and a movie, if they insist on paying for dinner, then when we get to the movie, I'll insist on paying for the movie. This way you've both split the bill pretty much 50:50 AND you both feel flattered because you both paid for each other It's a win win really ;p __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

10th Apr 2008, 08:27 PM	#14
tehnathan Aspiring Student Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: That way. Over there. Or is it that way? Out Status: It's not a big deal. If people want to know, yes. Location: Ottawa, Canada Age: 35 Posts: 264 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? I echo what Micah said - to me, it is always negotiable, and usually 50/50. My boyfriend and I take turns paying for movies, dinner and food. __________________ "I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk." - Stephen King

11th Apr 2008, 04:28 AM	#15
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,372 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? Speaking very generally, whoever asked should at least make a move to pay. The person who was asked should then block that move, and insist that things be split evenly. Or, as someone else said, if the asker is paying for dinner, he should say "OK, but let ME pay for the movie tickets and snacks." It's a bit of a "dance", but a lot of social etiquette is like that. After the first date, you should be comfortable enough with each other to bring it up. You should probably either go Dutch, or do the "I pay for this, you pay for that" thing, unless one of you clearly has more money than the other. If one of you has a great job or really generous parents, and the other's trying to make do on a $5 a week allowance, then it's clear who should start paying for a larger share. But it'll be up to the richer one to make that move. The poorer one shouldn't go "OK, Uncle Moneybags, cough up." Lex

11th Apr 2008, 07:29 AM	#16
Grantious <3 Be Happy. Steph n Mel 4 eva <3 Full Member Gender: Dude :-P Orientation: Gay... Straight up Gay lol Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Australia, Melbourne Age: 22 Posts: 682 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? ha ha ha I've got a date 2moz which i'm way excited about he's paying... mainly because i can't ROFL W00T

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11th Apr 2008, 02:49 PM	#17
PEEKINGOUT Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Straight but curious Out Status: Not out at all Location: louisville, ky Posts: 22 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: Who pays on dates? Seeing How I Am Only Attracted To Very Submissive, And Extremely Feminine Men, If I Went Out On A Date With A Guy I Would Certainly Pay...definitly, Without A Doubt...it Would Be Like Taking A Chick Out, I Wouldnt Expect Her To Pay. Eventually, If It Worked Out He Would Be Like My "girl" And Me His "man"...i Guess Thats How It Would Work.(at Least Thats How It Works In My Fantasies)

11th Apr 2008, 07:03 PM	#18
Miaplacidus Cheshire Cat Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gayer than not Out Status: Everyone who asks Location: Atlantida, Uruguay Age: 22 Posts: 5,093 Join Date: Feb 2007	Re: Who pays on dates? The one who has the most money, or the older one. That's the usual here. __________________ We are all mad here.