1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Were we meant to be gay?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Ptolemy, Apr 20, 2013.

  1. Ptolemy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    In my coming out process, thus far, over the last year this question has been on my mind a lot. I guess it requires a belief in God or destiny or something. I'm not sure. I'm not thinking about biology or anything like that; more along philosophical grounds. Coming to terms with being gay has required me to re-evaluate my life in many ways. I come from a very loving and close family. Part of what kept me in the closet was I wanted to emulate this by having a family of my own. I know I can adopt or use a surrogate, but it will never quite be the same. Straight people seem to take this ability completely for granted, whether love is involved or not. Being gay also makes us different from the wider population, including our families. As I said I have a very close relationship with my family, but I am separate in a very fundamental way. Yet, being gay is somehow liberating. I am not very masculine or feminine and now I feel that after coming out I can really start to explore all parts of my personality without having to conform to some societal cookie cutter standard. I get to see the world with a unique perspective. We are also a unique minority in some ways. We cross ethnic, racial, religious, cultural, political boundaries like very few groups, if any others at all, in the world. A real globalized minority I guess? So being gay requires sacrifice, but is also liberating. Being gay has a profound effect on one as an individual, and may be the world at large? Is that why we are they way we are?

    What does everyone else think?
     
  2. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    I don't think we were meant to be anything. 'Meant' requires intention, and there is no intention in nature. The only reason we are gay or bisexual is whatever directly causes it, possibly some epigenetic cause that I don't really understand. That doesn't mean we aren't different because of it, it doesn't mean we can't use that experience of being different to fuel personal growth. It just means we can't rely on some destiny guiding us towards greatness.
     
  3. gibson234

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2013
    Messages:
    1,135
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    UK,Wales
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don't believe in god. But most scientist believe that homosexuality was selected for (judging by the way it's distributed though out the species) so we are meant to be gay as much as straight people are meant to be straight. I think that what makes a family a family is their love for each other not genetic similarities. I think that being gay doesn't necessary make you "different", sometimes homophobes can make you feel like that but everyone is a minority in some way (whether it be hair colour, or religion or whatever). We are a globalized minority that has suffered much despite this the LGBT community has only given the world back love which is why I'm proud to be gay and part of the gay community. That's what I think :slight_smile:
     
  4. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi Ptolemy,

    It is so bizarre to say "we" isn't it? I mean, I feel as if I have only recently joined an organization for which I only had a vague inkling I was already a part of it!

    We grow up with a certain model of how things should be, only to discover that our minds and bodies have different ideas, what's worse, as you say, is that this is not a visible distinction, we are not a "visible minority" in the parlance of rights advocates, etc. We are unique in that we are self-defined. Is there a purpose to that, who knows? It exists, it is real, and we have to deal with it and with all our honesty.

    I think that being gay has one practical benefit, namely, that for those who chose not to have kids, this is a group of people with more disposable income, but also more time and energy to pursue other goals and pursuits. Things that require tremendous energy and time would include the arts and sciences...indeed gays have already made tremendous contributions (e.g. the mathematician Alan Turing, or the beat poet Allen Ginsburg).

    When it comes to questions of meaning, ultimately we have to create our own, and perhaps we would need to accept that there is no real "purpose" in life; that there are only moments followed by moments and that we are healthier and happier if we live each moment as if it were our last...that is also a liberating idea!
     
  5. FemCasanova

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2012
    Messages:
    1,113
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oslo
    I know that I cannot be anyone else than I am, although I can work every day to be a better person than I was. However, my sexuality does not affect how good I am as a person, so that part of me, yeah, I feel that`s just me. It`s just a part of who I am at the core, like I am a Capricorn, I have always loved music, I get happy when I see rainbows, all of that is not things that I have chosen, but that always has just been that way. Am I "intented" to be that way? I don`t know, but I do know that those things can`t be changed. I cannot go back and change my own birth date, I can`t choose to suddenly hate music, and I like women!

    As for the family part. I think you would think that way until you suddenly had someone depending on you and needing you in their life. Whether a surrogate child, an adopted child, once that small soul is dependent on you, and love you effortlessly, I think you`ll re-consider your idea that it is not the same as with your own blood. Because blood doesn`t guarantee love, blood is not where love comes from. It might be hard to believe right now, but I can promise you, blood is not what makes family! And family doesn`t always equal love.

    So, try to keep an open mind as well as an open heart, and you might just be amazed at what life can bring you!
     
  6. I was thinking about why the hell homosexuality exists, I mean in like nature. I came to the conclusion it's most likely nature's way of population control keeping things at somewhat of an even level.

    I don't believe in any god's so that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
     
  7. 4ever Hearth

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2013
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've been pondering this all day. Honestly it all seems like an endless argument that has various possibilities all depending on what level of open-mindedness you are willing to adapt. Personally, I just want to live. Whatever that means :rolle:

    I want to be able to love, laugh and make a life with another man of my choosing without these constant bombardments, of which have no real purpose but to belittle and annoy, because the one thing I will say we know for sure about us is that we aren't clusters of "hellraisers." There's been enough heteros paving that path long before us. :tantrum:

    Basically repeating what greatwhale said, to be "Non-Conforming", as well as alive, is to make it your own. Take from it all what you will and leave the rest for those to come, I guess. :lol:
     
  8. Linthras

    Linthras Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2012
    Messages:
    2,140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leeuwarden (FR), the Netherlands
    AFAIK we aren't 'meant' to be anything.
    Everything simply is, whether we like it or not.
    Just be true to yourself.
     
  9. Dublin Boy

    Dublin Boy Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    1,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I agree entirely with Greatwhale & can only reiterate what he says, I love his posts, he is like the Yoda of EC, he is so wise :icon_bigg
     
  10. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you Dublin Boy for your kind words, I certainly feel as old as Yoda! :kiss:
     
  11. gordilocks

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2012
    Messages:
    956
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    glasgow
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    nothing natural was meant. it just happened, & that's all
     
  12. jackram

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2013
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Well, I'm a firm believer in Christ, so my views on the matter will be heavily influenced by my faith.

    One of the remarks I get most often from other Christians is the verse in Leviticus that makes a firm stance against homosexuality (and possibly by extension, queer people). The thing is, though, that nobody seems to care about any other law in Leviticus. Other Christians literally pick and choose which laws need to be followed, which is flawed in the first place.

    Furthermore, these laws are invalid at this point in time anyways. The Old Testament laws contributed to a covenant with God, but when Jesus died for our sins, He replaced the old covenant with a new one. This new covenant is in place so we don't have to follow all of those rules (over 600 in all, if I recall) like sacrificing animals if we were to break one of the laws.

    All of that aside, I honestly don't think God makes mistakes. Granted, He doesn't cause bad things to happen. Though if He puts us in a difficult position, I believe there is a reason for it.

    I was raised in an upper-middle-class household where everything I needed was handed to me without problem. I was sent to a private school and will have no problem paying for college. When I was younger, I was incredibly spoiled because I never faced difficulty. However, as I grew up, certain events occurred that challenged me and put me through hard times. One of those things was realizing I am queer and coming out. My belief is that God put me into this situation not to see me suffer, but to mold me as a person and help me grow up.
     
  13. kibeth

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2013
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    South-Africa
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I agree with everything you said, jackram! Just want to add we're probably not meant to understand everything here and now and probably won't, but this sure isn't going to stop me question and trying to find the sense and purpose in it all.
     
  14. Ptolemy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Your post really got me thinking. Only after you pointed it out that I put 'we' did I really notice it. I kinda surprised myself since for so long I thought about it as them, but sure as hell ain't me. When I wrote my coming out letter to my parents I sat and stared at the computer screen for nearly an hour until I wrote the three words, I am gay. Now I am starting to think of myself as part of a wider community.

    About pursuing different goals. For so long I always second guessed why do I like the things I do. I never respected my own passions and tried to do what I thought I needed to do to fit in. That didn't work out. It was like the universe was pushing back and guiding me to discover what I really want and need. I love researching and writing about history; after coming out I feel I can start to try to make something of it.

    Being gay has made me rethink so much about what I believe. Admitting it to myself just shook the very foundation of who I thought I was. I am not a completely different person, but yet I am at the same time. Making sense of things and analyzing things is just how I am, and this has been particularly hard. That's why I wondered if it just was meant to be.

    Thanks to everyone else who has posted thus far. I really like reading other people's views and ideas.
     
  15. jackram

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2013
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Well said! I'm aware that I'll never be able to fully understand Him, but just because I can't doesn't mean fellow Christians and I should stop trying to understand Him. ^^
     
  16. Pain

    Pain Guest

    I don't care about whether we were meant to be gay or not. I am here. Whether we were meant to be or not is irrelevant while we still breathe.
    In coming out, I felt, finally, that God was happy that I had realized my own truth and accepted it. It was a religious experience; more of a religious experience than I'd ever had.

    OP:
    You can think that you might not have been meant to be gay, because of the family-bearing issue, but to me, that's all just peer pressure. I'll live how I'll live.