I Have this friend who is kinda religious. We've been friends for 2 years now and we're going through our downs in our friendship right now but it's my fault. I told her last year that I was bisexual and she was just like "I don't believe people are born that way just how was taught and raised." But she never gave a reason why people are not straight. Anyways she was kool with it and didn't treat me any different but I can't help but notice things she does. She got real jealous when I went and found other friends who are not religious, if i tell her i like someone she attacks me with so many questions, I catch her looking at me when i'm not looking, she holds eye contact with me, she grabs my wrist sometimes, and other things but I assuming she's straight even though she's super pretty and EVERY guy likes her and many have asked her out and more but she's never had a bf and turns everyone down. She's also very popular. Anyways I've liked her for over a year and it's frustrating and i've taken it out on her. I feel like since we're not so close anymore then I should just tell her how i feel since i have nothing to lose. I plan on telling her tomorrow but how should i tell her? What should I say?? Is it even worth telling her??
It's entirely for you to decide, if you feel it is necessary to tell her then tell her. I couldn't really give advice on how to tell her because you should know the best way since she is your friend.
Do you have other friends? Would losing her as a friend be devastating to you? Then maybe not risk it. On the other hand, if you do have other friends, and this crush you have is threatening to affect your friendship regardless, then maybe it is a risk you really need to take? What you could do, is try a subtle reversible approach. Like, you could ask her how she would have felt about another woman hitting on her, or asking her out on a date. Then analyze her reaction a bit. You could also ask her how she would feel if you would ever start flirting with her. That one is a bit more direct, but not irreversible, as if she reacts in a negative manner, you can tell her to relax, that you were just joking, and add a smile just to sell it. You can casually give her compliments over a few days, and see how she reacts to those. If she retracts a bit, then it`s a sign that more direct approaches wouldn`t be well received. Good luck!
So your friendship is sour because you have found other friends who are well... presumably more supportive of your orientation? I don't think you should feel guilty about that. Jealousy is her own issue not yours. Also, for the record "that is how I was taught and raised" isn't exactly the best reason to believe something. To me, its just short of admitting "I'm most probably wrong." Should you tell her that you like her? It's debatable. I don't know your friend and don't know how she would potentially react, but I will for the sake of argument assume the worst, which is basically that she will turn you down and not want to be friends anymore. Only you will know how likely something like this is to happen (if at all,) as only you here know her. However, assuming that it did, I would argue that if it were me I would consider to to be for the best. Someone who will unfriend you simply because you like them isn't probably among the best friends to have anyways. So even under such a scenario like this, I personally think you should go for it if you really want to tell her. What other probable consequence would there be? Maybe a bit of awkwardness, but thats no big deal really. Its possible that maybe she could get angry about it. So again, you will have to ultimately assess whether its worth it, as we know pretty much nothing about her (or you.)
Well I ended up telling her and she rejected me of course and said "honestly you already know where I stand and what I believe about this. I would like to remain friends but sometimes I'm cautious or concerned not for me but for you. I don't want any miscontrued attachments being made ya know. Like I wanna be there for you as a friend but only in a way that is healthy for both of us." I guess I consider that a polite rejection but it dawned on me that if she believes non heterosexuals are wrong and sinful then that means she will never truly accept me. What if I fall in love with a woman? That means she won't be genuinely happy for me because she'll think it's wrong. So I feel like I had no business being friends especially close friends with her to begin with.
I really wish I had a good and simple answer for you but sadly I don't. It's ultimately going to be up to you. Some people have friends who don't agree with them on things like this and they get along fine. Other people like me may only like to have close friends who agree about stuff like this or simply can't be close to someone who rejects something so fundamental to who they are. From what you have said, your friend seems to believe that this is sinful and unhealthy behavior. Maybe you can make it work between you and just not talk about it. Ultimately that will depend on the two of you though. So I guess in short, what you should do from here is going to be up to you. I'd like to think that maybe you could get along or that maybe she will come around to your point of view, but I can't really know. Sorry that I can't be any more helpful than this.
