For anyone who's worried about being a "normal" looking gay or a "not normal" looking gay: Simon Moritz: What I Learned From Gay Sex: Misogyny and Homophobia "So let's make life easier on all queer people and stop mimicking the worst parts of heterosexism. Who knows? We could even begin to support each other. How revolutionary."
Finally! I need to speak to this man. I cant tell you how many times I have said every one of those exact words and yet it still seems that very few really get it.
Had sex with a guy who said, "I'm the guy"...at one point he called me "Princess". When I pointed out the thing between my legs it kind of fell on deaf "guy" ears...he had issues. :dry: It was really strange, but I didn't take offence...perhaps I should have, but my antennae were not tuned to that particular signal of homophobia yet...
I think most heterosexuals with limited knowledge on the inner workings of gay society would be completely floored to see just how common and ingrained misogyny is in a lot of gay men. It's ironic, no, ridiculous, when you think about it: that some of the most homophobes are homosexuals themselves. I'm not surprised, being a person of color, to find self-hatred in sexual minorities, too. When you're told your entire life that this way is right, that way is wrong, those messages do rub off on you and stay, to some extent, your entire life.
Interesting. Well, we're all works in progress. Freeing yourself of your internalized homophobia isn't easy. Part of my life in the closet has been denying the slightest hint of femininity in myself and being grateful that I have passed for straight for so long. But one of the things I feel most elated about in recent weeks is dropping all the defenses, delighting in the feminine elements I now recognize within me, and allowing myself to be, well, queer. And the men I'm attracted to seem to be in the same mold. Frankly, I think that the sort of men described in that article are rather unclear on the concept. What's the point of acting "straight" in bed? The thrill is being insanely queer in bed. At least for me. Those guys are like the Roy Cohn character in "Angels in America," talking about goddam queers and fairies, then slipping out to fuck each others' asses. Like, huh?
I wish he had talked more about lesbian culture. I hate it when butch women are misogynist or when the more feminine lesbians are like "Ew ick girls who act like boys, they are setting back gay rights and they need to shave their legs." There's so much to talk about there!
What's always vexed me, is when an extremely feminine gay man goes only for 'straight acting', masculine men, while ignoring everyone else, then complaining when they aren't getting any action and are still single. It seems hypocritical to have certain standards for potential partners, not fulfilling them yourself, then wondering why no one is paying attention to you. Yeah, I get that they have the right to be who they are, to like what they like, but it seems like a case of 'you can't have your cake and eat it'. In my case, I'm aware that I have several flaws that would put me at a disadvantage immediately, but in no way do I feel entitled to any part of the dating pool, when I wouldn't even pass half my own tests. What does it mean to be gay/straight or male/female, anyway? I wouldn't want to live in a world of seven billion clones.
