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A Much Needed Rant

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Aielar, Apr 22, 2013.

  1. Aielar

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    I've already posted about this in the past, but after today I need to rant about it again. Not looking for advice or what to do about this, either, just need to get it off my chest.

    For most of the day, I was in class with my friends - all of which are heterosexual. So, while they are are talking about their boyfriends and hot firemen, I'm sitting there quietly frustrated because I don't/can't express my perspective and talk about my preferences. It's incredibly frustrating to have that shoved down my throat by others (that's how I feel about it anyway) because I feel alone and excluded from the conversation because I cannot contribute and fake interest without lying to myself. Then I see posts about how some straight people say they are okay with lgb people so long as they don't flaunt their sexuality.

    Um, hello? That's what you do all the freaking time without even realizing it! I guess what I'm really frustrated about is that I don't have anyone to talk to about 'gay stuff' and am surrounded by straight people. I don't appreciate the ignorance displayed by too many people in my life who aren't even aware that what they are doing hurts, and I cannot even express that hurt because it wouldn't be safe for me to do so right now. I just wish I had someone in my life stop and turn to me to ask my perspective.

    I also felt left out when one of the three people said "Oh hey, when my boyfriend's in town we should go on a triple date with the other two." Which I can understand because I'm not currently in a relationship with anyone, but it still hurt because it felt like I was being indirectly excluded by the three. Maybe I'm talking this too personally, but sometimes when I'm around heterosexual people I get really frustrated by them and the ease and lack of worry they can talk about their significant other and their sexuality.
     
  2. Hefiel

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    Are you out of the closet yet?

    You do seem to take this too personally though, and I'm tempted to call it jealousy based on the last line of your post. It's not abnormal, but you should try to take things less personal, especially if you're not "out".

    If you're that bothered by it, seek to make new friends that share more interest with you, or join a LGBT group to meet new people.
     
  3. ilayis

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    It is hipocrital to not want gay people to keep it to themselves when straight people are willing to do it.
    I also think it is very rude to exclude you just because you don't have a significant other.You are part of the group and should be treated like so.

    Lets get rid of this double dating if its just a group of friends that started dating and think its special just because they are dating/friends when someone is getting excluded.You can just have a circle of friends go out and have fun.

    Don't know why its got to be so exclusive.Nothing special about it.
     
  4. Aielar

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    I'm out of the closet to some people, but not everyone yet. I have told the person who started the conversation about a triple date, and she's brought it up since then, so it's not like she's forgotten or anything.

    I'm not quite sure how it's jealousy, though it could very well be and I'm just not aware of it. You're right though, I should try to take things less personally - I usually do, but today it wasn't as easy to let it go. Joining an lgbtq group isn't a possibility for a few more months, as the only one in town I'm over the age limit to attend so I don't have any opportunities to connect with other lgbtq people. Thanks for listening.
     
  5. Hefiel

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    By jealousy I was mostly referring to this part :

    Since you're unable to be as "open" about your sexuality as you'd like (given the lack of people to interact with on shared interest), whereas they can talk about their sexuality all they want, the frustration could be interpreted as jealousy.

    As far as not being invited to the triple date, I could see why it could bother you, but I also see the perspective of your friends who will mostly be interacting with their boyfriend all night whereas you'd be mostly alone, and that would be unpleasant not only for you, but for your friends as well who may feel "forced" to interact with you so you don't feel left out. Basically, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    Perhaps next time you could take the initiative and prepare a "girl's night" (or have them bring their boyfriend as well), so that way you're not only included, but you'd be in a place where you could all enjoy the "date" in your own ways. That could send your friends a message that you're fine being with them even if they're with their boyfriend, and they'd be more comfortable to invite you next time they go out on a triple date.