This is just something I've been thinking about recently, and something I decided today to make a topic on. There have been several online quizzes posted on EC about things like "Figure out How Gay/Straight-Acting You Are." Hanging around EC (and just thinking more about it in real life), I've noticed that there is a broad spectrum of how gay-acting people actually are. As for myself, I have always been someone that you would look at and immediately label "straight." When I came out to one of my best friends, he was completely surprised. He said he noticed that I didn't appear to be attracted to girls (there could be many reasons for that), but besides that, he had no idea. I've read stories here, however, of people that wouldn't be able to hide it if they wanted to. My question right now is, if you're the type of person that everyone suspects is gay, is that good or bad? In what ways? Also, think about the other (my) extreme, of everyone thinking you're straight. Do you think that no one knowing or suspecting is a blessing or a curse? For me right now, it just feels like if more people suspected, it might be easier for me to meet other gay guys. If you think I'm straight, would you try to hit on me?
well to be honest i'd have to say that i'm quite straight acting, all those around me think i'm straight and i've had many girls try and come on to me. However, I think i've let on just enough hints that those around me are either suspecting that i'm gay or know it, but just won't say it incase their wrong. Either way I am slightly in awe of those 'camp' acting people, who everybody just knows are gay. However, I can't say I want to fall into that stereotype.
As for coming out, it would be SO much easier of you had always been labeled as, without a doubt, gay. You'd know who your real friends were.. there'd be no surprises, etc. But when it comes to high school, I think it would be way easier to be straight-seeming. No one would pick on you, you could have maybe a few extra friends even of they're not so great... It's just safer and easier... And for the rest of life, I know that I want someone who's just like me as far as seeming gay. I'd say that it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure me out, but that, truthfully, no one looks that close, most days. I just think it would be easier to go un-noticed in general life, and tell the ones who need to know. So I'm happy with the cards I was dealt:icon_smil
My biggest frustration right now is that no one can tell. I suppose it's good in some ways (i'm at a christian-reformed- affiliated college, where it might be better if not everyone knew), but it's just frustrating in others (how do you meet gay guys if no one can tell?). I'm tempted to start dropping a few more gay references, just so more people will suspect.
But how do you know that no one can tell, step? I mean, it's sort of a sensitive subject, so even if a person suspected the slightest bit, I'm guessing they wouldn't say anything to your face about it. As for curse/blessing, I don't think it can be labeled one or the other. Each has its perks and disadvantages. I'll give you an example of disadvantage... Once this girl was asking me all these questions about whether I had a crush on anyone in our class and whether I was dating anyone -- and it was just so obvious to me that she was trying to get me to reveal that I'm gay. I didn't feel comfortable telling her in that setting, so I played the game w/ her and left my answers purposely vague. I left that night thinking, "Geez, is it that OBVIOUS?!?!" I feel like a lot of gay men want to be more "straight-acting," so maybe it's just that the grass is always greener on the other side.
I used to be really straight acting, but then I kind of stopped once I started coming out to people. Apparently, not many of them knew. My mother, however, said she'd known for a long time...I wish more people would figure it out honestly.
How can I tell for sure? Yeah, I guess that's kind of hard... My biggest frustration is that it's impossible for me to tell what other people are thinking. So, unless they say something, I won't know. So, let me restate my last post. I don't think anyone can tell. Whether they actually can or not, who knows. I think I just need to start dropping more references or something. I also want to try to figure out what exactly I do to act more 'straight.' I want to see if I can catch myself doing anything to act more 'straight,' and just make a mental note of it. Then, if I ever feel like it, I can go and reverse some of these things, if I ever want to.
Could you elaborate on that? I'm intertested to know how a lesbian plays the "straight/queer acting" game.
I never did think that people knew about me I mean I'm a tomboyish girl I won't wear a dress unless I absolutely have to but thats as far as it goes for how I look and act. This was until everybody I came out to told me that they had either suspected it for a long time or like my mom she said that she had always known. I think while it is easier in the way that because these people suspected and you know that if they didn't like it they would not have stuck around and it feels good to be accepted by them. Theres also what I feel to be a disadvantage of "what do I throw off a vibe or something?" do I have a "I like girls" tattoo stamped on my forhead? I'm kind of torn between hating the fact that people can tell and finding it easier in some situations. I just don't understand how people can tell but I think that its mostly people that are close to me Sam
Okay, to elaborate: I don't really have to femme myself up the way guys have to butch yourselves up. I'm like, a sort-of tomboy but no one thinks anything of it. But the way I had/ve to straight act is by pretending I'm really revved up by guys. For example, if I used to be with a group of friends and I wasn't out, and they'd oggle some guy, I'd have to make comments like he had a hot ass or something. Around several people I just acted completely boy crazy. It depended on who I was around. That's basically how us lessies do it- we act boy crazy. Truth be told, I can't even stand boy-crazy girls. Lol. Hope it answered your questions, because I've been beckoned to the kitchen.
GuitarGirl, after reading you're post, I've got a feeling that that's how people might be able to tell for me. I don't act girl-crazy, and I don't even try to fake it. Based on that, there are probably more suspicious people than I think, but who knows. I don't know how many people pay that close attention. It's not like I'm going to pretend to care, just to try to get others to think otherwise. I don't care that much...
Amazing?! Lol! I guess we are pretty hot shit. Suburbs- I'll msn you sometime- we can get to be friends hehe.
I always like faked having crushes on girls and I "went out" I guess you can say with a few of them. It helped a little bit but for some reason last year in 8th grade I had a LOT of people suspecting it and asking me. My mom said she always knew and that her and my dad talked about what they suspected when I was younger. I was always the kid that would rather play barbie with my sister and do her hair than play football with my brother. It was never THAT obvious with me but the people that knew me really well could tell. After I came out about a year ago though, I just let go basically. Like I figured since I didn't have to act anymore I could be my true self. And my true self is one of those effeminate gay guys where it's obvious I'm gay when you first meet me. I think it is easier though when everyone already knows. It eliminates the shock factor.
For me it's been a blessing and a curse. My family is heavily religious and I grew up that way, so I already know if I were to tell them all hell would break loose and my grandma would probably call Jesus to come back. My best friend knows, but she ignores it and I hate that, but also understand in a way. Although it was definitely a test for her, I think, to see just how open minded she is. She has no problem with gays, lesbians, bisexuals, or anyone else, but things become different when someone close to you confesses to it. The funny thing is, she knew before I fully accepted. And it's been hard for me to meet other bisexuals and lesbians--there's actually more gay men in this town which is interesting. I'm fairly new to all this so it's like, 'What do I look for?', 'Should I wear a pin or something?' Hahaha, silly, I know. But the blessing and curse thing is sort of equal for me.
I think everyone else knowing before you tell them is much better. They'll accept the news faster. But, lol, I think I act just a little too flamy.... I don't even notice.
I used to live in my closet Kids in my apartment all knew I was gay, but I just ignore them,they always talked bad about me, I think I was cursed, I used to be upset and have to run away, but now, who cares about people who don't have brain.I can live my life easier. Anyway, I think it seems like people have their own thinking. some of my friends were suprised when I came out because they thought I was straight. I've heard lots of people discussed about me like a guy said that I was gay, the other said I was not 'cause I looked cold. I t was funny, cause I belive the face you have never sometimes dosen't match the inside of yourself. People are blind sometimes, they just look at you without eyeballs. Last month, I have sent a love note to a gay guy. Then he let all my friends read it. And I had to lie that was from another girl. and I hated him from that moment.Half of my dudes knew it and they always talk behind my back. I was pissed for the whole week. But then I realized how strong I was. It seems like Iwas always the one who start everything first,. Sometimes I was so proud about myself, so I didn't regret what I did. I know I will let the world know that I am gay someday. I'm so happy now.
