Bisexual...Piggy in the middle?

There are plenty of homosexual/heterosexual people who would accept having a bi partner (or wouldn't find bisexuality a turn-off). Just depends on who you find, really.

 

Yeah there are going to be people who are uncomfortable with that fact, mostly of these would be heterosexual, but it seems like most people these days are generally more accepting. I know some people who are bi with straight partners. I don't think you should be worried about it at all.

 

As someone with lots of straight girlfriends , some seem to worry that bisexual men are just in the stages of coming out as gay but don't want to say , so as long as you explain that's not you and you do like men and women equally or almost equally you should be fine. Also as someone whose gay ex then went to men don't lie about who you are you shouldn't have to it will just make that person really confused and hurt them more if you where to break up and then date someone who you said you had no attraction to.

 

There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding that label, and quite frankly, it confuses and scares quite a few people on both sides, though I think heterosexual women might be slightly more weary of entering a relationship with bisexual men than gay men. If they're willing to give you a fair chance to prove yourself (which I think is bs; no one should have to apologize for or disprove of stereotypes just to feel accepted), then that's a good sign to move forward. Otherwise, they're not worth it.

 

I would be really wary of telling a girl I was bisexual for just that reason.

 

Definitely do not recommend 'pretending' you're not bi. I've never heard of someone being put off by someone being bi before, and I can imagine it's quite rare for that to happen. I'm incredibly picky, but I've never even considered that bisexuality would mean anything to me.

So no, don't do that. It's protecting yourself from something that probably won't happen, and in return, you're damaging any relationships you do have.

 

I used to find the idea of a bisexual girlfriend a huge turn off until I realised that I was pansexual, then I got my priorities straight. But I actually doubt I would date a guy who wasn't bisexual! I just love seeing two guys together so much, that I would love to have a bi boyfriend! I know that probably sounds weird haha

 

as someone whose gay though id date a bisexual but id most likely break up with someone for pretending they weren't as I would be worrying about what else they were lying about

 

You get some you lose some. I've found that most straight women are less likely to date. Bear in mind that even though many women have M/M fantasies, that doesn't mean they care to date someone who could fulfill them in real life. There is a minority of girls who find it exhilarating to date bi guys. I haven't had any problems getting dates with bi girls and it actually might be easier to date them since we have that extra bit of common ground.

With guys I haven't felt much of a penalty. It's very easy to pick up gay guys and most couldn't seem to give the slightest fuck about my sexuality. There was one guy who did turn me down for it (and that still stings a lot. I really cared about that one. I even came out for him), but guys are so easy in general it just doesn't matter much. My current boyfriend is gay and he's super cool about it. He loves asking me which girls I find attractive; he just really finds that interesting. I'm somewhat androgynous and he loves androgynous guys, but at the same time he loves masculinity so the opposite-sex attraction sort of pushes those buttons too. Some gay guys have a thing for 'converting' straight guys so I can sort of facilitate that fantasy.

So like I said, you get some you lose some. There are many people who write you off immediately, but there are also some people that are eager to step in.

 

Cheating has never been a factor in not wanting to date someone bi. But the thought of them leaving me for the opposite sex is. When you add on the pressure to be straight, it is no wonder gays and lesbians may be suspicious of bisexuals wanting long term relationships with the same sex. What's the incentive? Will it last long term?

The types of guys I am attracted to tend to be closeted (like myself) and trying to build a relationship is difficult to begin with. I met very few closeted guys that said they were gay. 99% of the closeted ones all claimed to be "bi." The "bi" label itself has a stigma attached to it, whether that is a gay guy using it as stepping stone or an actual bisexual person.

Then there are the promiscuous types. For a straight or gay guy, promiscuity doesn't travel outside their preferred gender. For a bi guy, it does. So imagine twice the amount of people this person could be having sex with. In fact, I know of one that will have sex with lots of people of both genders and his standards are pretty low. As long as it moves. It is disgusting and gross. Unfortunately, people like that also add to the stigma of bisexuality.

 

You overestimate the pressures to conform to heteronormativity. The gay community is actually quite fun to be in and there is an equally great pressure to stay in that community and identify as gay full time (even if it isn't fully truthful). When your romantic interests and your friends can suddenly be the same people, having relationships with them asserts the friendships in the group in some ways. Date outside that group and you immediately feel the effects of those friendships weakening (as I did when I had a girlfriend, while I was still out).

These kinds of statistics seem very dubious. 99% certainly isn't rigorous or empirical. I can't be anything other than skeptical about it since most gay guys I know came out as gay right away. There was no transient identity for them. The ones that didn't, the ones who carried the bi label, genuinely thought they were bi for a time before determining that their straight relationships felt like a chore and that their gay ones were much more fulfilling. Yes, I know some gay guys who identified as bi at first. I also know some bi guys who identified as gay initially (and this appears to be a larger group than people on EC will be comfortable admitting).

There is a limit to how promiscuous any human being can be. It's not like being bisexual suddenly gives you twice as much free time to date people (god I wish it did). And I put it to you that the most promiscuous bisexuals are no more so than the most promiscuous gay or straight people. I would further contend that we are no more likely to be promiscuous. To suggest that we are is about as nonsensical as saying someone who likes redheads and brunettes is more promiscuous than someone who likes only brunettes.

As I've said before, many people deliberately avoid dating bisexuals. How can you be promiscuous when your orientation is a firewall to dating most people? My dating pool is quite a bit more limited than it would be if I were straight. Think about that.

 

Um. Ok. If being bisexual would mean I had twice as many people to sleep with, that would mean all the straight girls spontaneously turned gay for me when I discovered my sexuality. No, queers are the minority. I don't know why people think bisexual = twice the opportunities. Failed their math class, perhaps? Not to mention that bisexuals will be rejected by straights and gays, which is something the bigoted monosexuals don't consider nor care about.

Plus, there's nothing wrong with being promiscuous, and it's unfair that promiscuous bisexuals are considered dirtier than promiscuous monosexuals.

 

I think the reality for most of us is a lot closer to those online jokes about being friend zoned by everyone and doubling chances at a date, ie 2*0=0. If anything, living as an out bisexual probably hurts your chances of having a fair shot with members of either sex, but it's necessary if we want to stamp out stereotypes and live without the denial and the lies. It's 2013 and I find it a bit silly that the mere thought of someone being attracted to individuals of more than one sex or gender is enough to send others running.

 

I wouldn't mind a bisexual girlfriend. I have a few bi friends, so I know not to buy into any of the stereotypes about them. My only concern would be that she understands that I'm not comfortable with a certain male part of my body. If she understands and respects that, I don't see how there could be any issues. I guess I'm afraid that some bi girls will be expecting boobs and a dick, two for one! Or something. This is probably just me being paranoid.

 

I do not overestimate it. It is a fact of life. It is everywhere you look. From your parents, friends, society as a whole, there is a major push towards heterosexuality. It is considered the default and everything else is a deviation.

Most of the gay guys I knew that came out did so because of their obvious "stereotypical" mannerisms and behavior. They simply couldn't hide it. Some bisexual guys who may be on the more flamboyant side also may have come out as gay initially. In reality, there is no incentive to identify as gay unless you simply cannot hide your feminine tendencies or find yourself in a very very liberal, open-minded environment.

Others who tended to act like your average Joe or more masculine remained closeted. Many of them built huge denial mechanisms and were desperate to not be gay. This included but not limited to tricking themselves into thinking they are bi. Of course their straight relationships felt like a chore; it went against their sexual orientation. I can vouch for that one. Been there, done that. If you are in a conservative environment and your mannerisms reflect your average straight guy, then there is no incentive (at least in my region of the USA), to come out until you experienced years of bad relationships, bad sex, and can't repress your sexuality anymore.

I never said bisexuals are more likely to be promiscuous. But lets think about the opportunities of sex when you are attracted to BOTH genders compared to a gay or straight person. The bi guy I am referring to is closeted and is both a promiscuous straight guy and gay guy all in one. You are right in that being an "out" bisexual could limit your options, but lets think about the actions of a closeted one. This guy constantly picks up girls from bars and then spends days online looking for guys. On top of that, he is not too picky about the body size of the person, their personality, etc. He doesn't have many limits. Trying to build a relationship with such a person would be a disaster. My example there is an extreme example and doesn't reflect your average bisexual person. But when you take the extremely promiscuous of gays, straights, and bisexuals, which group do you think will be having sex with the MOST people?

 

Id date a bisexual.
I'd just get nervous with them being overly touchy/flirty with someone. Same as anyone else.
Sexuality doesn't change a person.

 

If I ever am dating again and a man says I am Bi, I will run like hell! I have nothing against Bi people, after all you like everything! The best of both worlds! But my experence has been since I am not a man, nor fully a woman, both Bi men I partnered with needed both all the time telling me how I needed to understand their needs of which I met neither. At least with the straight guys, I only had to share them with other women every so often, and one never did cheat on me for the 2+ years I had him. Mike has not yet, but I know he will likely at some point, maybe not? As long as I don't know and his heart stays with me, I don't care. So yes if you are in love I would keep it to your self. They will likely wonder unless they are Bi too and you could swing as a couple if you need to. Just a thought! I am sure my view will get me heat, but I am speaking from my experence with the two Bi partners of the five. June

 

Not 'could', but does and will. Take a look around the internet alone and you'll see that there is very little sympathy for bisexual men from both the straight and gay communities. People are willing to write us off simply for having preferences they don't share or understand, as if dating weren't tough enough for most people.

The great irony is that many of these men and women who say 'NO' also have bisexual attractions, themselves, and many have admitted this. It's a problem when you have so many closeted bisexual men and women suffering depression, anxiety, resorting to cheating, etc and are told, 'well, if you'd just come out, there wouldn't be such a problem with acceptance...' It's easier said when you're not the one making that choice.

And, heh, I have to smile whenever a gay man implies bisexual men are more promiscuous or untrustworthy in some way. In case you didn't notice, gay men don't exactly have a reputation for celibacy. To be fair, though, men are men, and most have similar similar arousal patterns. Bisexual men aren't having 'more' sex than gay or straight men, especially when most identify as either gay or straight.

Try not to get caught up in the habit of confirmation bias.

No, that's not even close to being true. If bisexual men 'like everything' just because they're attracted to both genders, could we say heterosexual women are attracted to 'everything' for being attracted to men of different racial backgrounds? Or gay men for being attracted to several body types? Even we have standards, preferences, and dislikes, believe it or not, and some of us don't feel the need to have sex with anything that moves.

Again, you can't let your experiences alone dictate your view of an entire group of people.

 

While personal anecdote may cloud my views, so does your this post above. You can't confirm that many of them have bisexual attractions when they say NO to someone bi. Why would they do that if they experience the same thing?