I came out to my best friends two weeks ago and posted a thread about how great their reaction was. It turns out they've changed their tune since then and are completely ignoring me. I told the three of them and they seemed really fine with it, and one of them still is (but he has a gay cousin and is from a really open minded family anyway) but the other two don't seem to be. Firstly, we have a group chat on Facebook and we usually go on every couple of days and talk for a little while, but since I've come out two of them immediately go offline as soon as I join the conversation. One of them also put up a status recently about a road trip the four of us planned on taking this summer and tagged the whole group except for me in the post. It was one of their birthdays the other day and I sent him a message and again it was ignored. While they haven't said anything to me about it and seemed ok with it, I think there have been too many things like this since I told them for it to just be a coincidence and I'm pretty pissed off about it. There isn't really a point or question to this, just felt like I needed a rant.
If that happened to me I would confront my "friends" and ask them what they are doing. If it is because you are gay they are ignoring you they probably weren't really your friends in the first place. I'm sorry that your "friends" are being twats.
I don't think I'll even bother confronting them. If I have to try to convince someone to still be my friend then they're not really worth my time. It just seems like a kick in the teeth because the four of us have been best friends for about 10 years.
Well, that sucks. Reading your post kind of reminded me one of the quotes from QAF: "There are two kinds of straight people - the ones who hate you to your face, and the ones who hate you behind your back". I really wish it wasn't true but it turns out there might be a grain of truth behind that statement after all. From what you describe it seems like your friends don't have the guts to confront you and tell you that something's bothering them (to put it delicately). Them ignoring you is just a rude way out. Did you consider talking to them about it? If someone hates me because of my orientation (or for any other reason, for that matter), I'd much rather they hated me "to my face" so I knew not to be bothered them, than if they just acted like everything is okay. I hate that kind of hypocrisy.
I thought about confronting them, but I'm leaving it for them to make the next move. Maybe it is just a coincidence and I'm being over sensitve and reading too much into it, but if they really do have a problem I'm not going to waste my time trying to resolve it for them.
As Dr. Seuss said “Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” We still love you JPC (*hug*) Group Hug (&&&) PS: It's their loss
Well, let's hope it's just a misunderstanding. Loosing friends is the last thing we need when coming out, right? Hang in there (*hug*)
I think you're doing the right thing by letting them make the next move. Best not to engage in anything dramatic or nasty. Dublin Boy is right -- its their loss! (*hug*)
That reminded me of something unpleasant. Had a friend in High School when I was 16-17, and had been friend with him for about 10 years or so, who came out publicly all at once. Initially when he asked me if I was fine with it, I answered something along the lines of "Oh yeah, good for you!". My perception of him hadn't really changed up until that point regardless of his sexual orientation, it was a non-issue. I was still in denial around that time though. I was madly in love with a girl, but sexually I could only fantasize about males. That confused and bothered the hell out of me. Oddly enough, he's one of the few people that I've never had any sexual fantasy about. Still, that made me pretty uncomfortable, being faced daily with that which I've been trying to deny for the past 6 years at that time. I started to distance myself from him, not because he was gay per se, but because I didn't want to be gay, I wanted to love the girl I was seriously in love with. His behavior started to change too, something which I only understood 4-5 years later to be his way to find other people like him who love him for who he is. I recall his parents, especially his father, weren't too "favorable" to the idea of him being gay. He's always been a little mad in the head, the type of guy that shoots out the door screaming "STOP STEPPING ON MY LAWN!" if you had the audacity of putting your foot on the grass by mistake. Suffice to say, he was a bit desperate for help, and out of ignorance that pushed me away even further. I've never really been good at understanding emotions, the concept often eluded me. It's still one of the few things that bothers me up to this day. The fact that I couldn't be there when he needed friends, and the fact that I couldn't bear being around him because I was afraid of who I was. I really wish I had handled that situation differently.
Just ask them what's their problem and what bothers them so much that they stopped talking to you. If they can't accept you, just let them go. It's totally their loss. But talk to them and see what they have to say.
I'm sorry this happened to you hun. (*hug*) Nothing sucks worse than having people you thought were your friends turn their back. My advice to you is to think of your friendship with them as a chapter ending in a book. By coming out you are starting a new chapter full of possibilities. There are people out there who are willing to accept all of you and would be proud to call you their friend. It's those people who deserve your friendship, not people who judge you for being true to yourself. I say defriend those jerks, grieve for awhile, and then look for someone out there who could really use a friend. And of course you know that we are always here for you! X3
Group hug without me?(I wont say anything more because as you see everyone understands and i would kinda say the same)So just a hug from me to you AND everyone else here who has the same problems Or just need a hug?Hug to all (&&&)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(&&&) Because sometimes a hug is all we need.
That was really sweet and put a big smile on my face. Thank you ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2013 at 07:22 PM ---------- Yes, hugs all around. (*hug*)(&&&)
Also dont care about them.People in our lifes come and go and people who really love us for what we are stay for ever!Its their loss for losing such an amazing caring friend,a funny person and a very smart boy!Personally id give everything to have you as a friend,because you seem an amazing person and very fresh.People should love having you around,not ignoring you.That also shows their low level,so really no reason to be sad about it just dont give a f**ck..i know its hard because they are your ''friends'',but you have to think that if they were real friends and really loved you they wouldnt have this behavior. And thats from a person who really cares about you,even i dont know you in real life!Sooo..cheer up!
Awh thanks (*hug*). I'm not that sad about it really which is kind of weird, it gives me an excuse to go out and meet new people who I have more in common with and are less judgemental I suppose.
