I have this problem. I identify as an androgyne but when it comes to love and crushes and stuff I have this annoying concern. As someone who is under the transgender umbrella, I find it really hard to find people who want a relationship with me. So I often have to be someone else to attract people. Like boys generally like girly girls who clean up nice and look pretty. So if I want to attract a guy, I tend to wear girly clothes and frills which IS NOT me! I hate dressing that way but it seems to be the only way to get a guys attention. And if I want to attract a girl, I tend to dress quite butch, which again, isnt me. I realise I am feeding into stereotypes, but unless the person is pansexual, there is very little chance of them liking me in that way. I know who I am and how I like to dress, but if I want a gf/bf, I seem to need to dress and appear a certain way. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?
I have this problem, and I don't know how to solve it. My problem is less about people not being attracted to androgynes, and more about people not liking to date trans guys, but it still comes down to a matter of gender. I'm open to dating people of any gender or trans history, but there doesn't seem to be many others IRL.
I feel like you kind of create this problem for yourself. You don't need to act like someone else to find someone to like you; if you do, then those people don't actually like the person you really are, and they aren't worth your time. Not all guys are looking for girly girls, and not all girls want butch girls (I for one much prefer women who are more feminine). Dress how you want to dress; don't dress for other people.
This is true! As June, the person I really am, guys love her. Back when I thought I was gay and tried to get a gay guy I spent many frustrating nights in the gay club where I can be there for 8 hours playing darts and pool by myself without one guy talking to me, and 13 months of mysery tring internet dating to get a gay guy. If you wonder why I wanted to try a gay guy is I am tired of having to share my man with another woman because I am missing one body part! But I am not a gay guy, in fact I am a woman and the only guys who want a woman are straight and bi guys. I dated 2 bi guys and will not do that again. So that leaves the straight ones which being myself are the men who hit on me most. Now it is not perfect, because most just want sex and I want a partner. I am on partner #5 and he is straight of course so there are some problems due to my body, but we are working through them. Partner 1 and 4 were bi 2,3, and 5 straight. And all other dates, sex, and offers were straight guys as far as I know going back to the beginning in the 6th grade. My point is don't fight who you are! Be the best you can be and people will admire you and want you. You just have to put the real you out there and someone will notice you. My question is do you want a guy or girl? You really wern't clear on that, or gay, lesbian, bi, or straight? Who naturally is attracted to you and feels right? Figure that out, then accept it, and move foward being yourself and catch one! Like for me the gay bar was the worst place for me to be to meet a guy, as well as internet dating. So this time he just walked up my driveway and recently a 24yo had watched me for 5 years and started chasing, another who was 28, a few months back met me in public and had to have my number and drove me crazy for several months but he was married 5 years and I would not touch him which drove him crazy, and my 32yo old FWB is still calling. All 3 are desireable men and want June. So if younger good looking straight men want me the way I look, anything can happen for you! Let's face it I don't look like Barbie! Attraction is imo not all about looks, because if it were I would be a 40yo virgin! Keep your head up! June
I know what you mean, not in exact terms because I'm not under the trans umbrella as you are but it's more so in the aspect of attracting guys as both mates and friends. I can't just be me because if I act how I truly am the responses I get vary from "Why are you always using big words?", "You are such a nerd."(I don't find this offensive overall, it just pisses me off when it is used offensively.) to "Why are you so boring?!"(This one is just peer pressure at it's best when I decide I don't want to partake in drinking. Surprisingly enough, If they ask I would tell them about my potential for Alcoholism. :eusa_doh And I understand everyone keeps saying "Be True to You" which is very much valuable in a personal aspect but, nothing is destined in this life. So I can be me all I want but if ME isn't the specialty on the menu, in the sense of attracting mates as well as friends, I'm going be a pretty lonely me. :dry: And at some point, I'm really going to play up what I need to just to escape the loneliness. As it has been said several times before me, "No Man is an Island." I don't know how to fix it but I think one key factor about being you that others tend to overlook is, to some extent, it relies upon other's being open-minded as well. (*hug*) To deal with it, it takes a tough skin. I basically examine what comes my way, I take what I please from it and do my damndest to turn sand into gold. :lol:-
It may be because I like boys, girls, and any combo thereof, but I think androgyny can look cute and appealing. If you can't be yourself around the person you're dating, what are you even doing? At that point you're just going through the motions in an effort to stave off loneliness, but you're still lonely. The real you is still at home alone. :/
