I was reading an old diary of mine today and I had written that I felt like an alien on this planet. This was written before I had ever met any other LGBT people. I felt like I was a freak. I thought I was the only one. And that was only the sexual identity! The gender identity really made me feel like a freak! I wasn't male and I wasn't female. I was both! Then once I found out that there were other people who go through the same things, I began to feel much more comfortable within myself. Has anyone ever felt like a bit of an 'alien' before?
Sure,when i was 14 years old,i didnt know about other gay guys.So i thought that maybe something is wrong with me and i was really afraid.I remember asking my mom what about sexuality,but she never had the right answer so i thought that im weird or something.Lol and today i know who i am,i have many gay friends,and i feel normal.
I did for so many years. But mine wasn't related to my sexual orientation. Mine was related to my mental health. Ever since I was 8 years old, I've had horrible panic attacks and negative thoughts. I thought I was a bad person and that I was unworthy of love because I felt like a freak. I constantly questioned my conscience and needed reassurance from others that I was a good person. I tried to kill myself when I was 11 because I was scared that I was evil. Luckily, my mom cleaned out all the knives from the dish drainer. Within seconds I fainted out of shock that I attempted such a horrible thing. My anxiety reached it's peak when I was 15. I had a bit of a meltdown and felt no emotions for a whole month. I finally decided I needed to seek professional help. For months, I lied to the psychologist about how I was feeling out of fear that they would admit me to a mental institution. But I eventually told the truth and the psychologist referred me to a psychiatrist. The very first day I saw him, he had a diagnosis. I was diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, anxiety and panic disorder. He told me how common my diagnosis is, and I was floored. He wrote me a prescription for Lexapro, and within a week, my emotions came back. I was no longer in constant worry. I felt amazing. I am now 21, and I am still doing very well. I am no longer fragile or afraid. I'm actually what most people think of as a "tough cookie" because they've never seen me cry and I'm the biggest dare devil. XD
Yup. I always felt alone and like a freak for having these desires for wanting to be a boy. I suppressed these feelings though and pretended to think nothing was wrong, even though a lot was wrong. During high school I'd get angry with myself because I wasn't like the other girls, and I couldn't bring myself to be like the other girls. If I wore anything girlie even just make up I'd slip into a depression and I didn't want that. Up until last November when I came out to my parents, they'd tell me that I was still an immature tomboy and that I needed to grow up. I believed them, because I too thought it was a phase. But that was until I finally figured out what a transgendered person was, which was about a year ago. I was so relieved when I found this out, it was the first time I actually felt like I wasn't alone.
