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Askhole

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by tryhtwfr, May 2, 2013.

  1. tryhtwfr

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    Does anyone experience this, especially with friends who ask for advice but don't take it and do the opposite?


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  2. JPC

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    I try not to give friends advice. I think I give decent advice but they usually either ignore it or they follow it and it comes back to bite me in the ass.
     
  3. BornInTexas

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  4. NeatlyOrganized

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    Askhoke huh? Well what about the people that desperately need the advice as well as someone to talk to, but they are incapable of following the advice, or it is extremely challenging for them to do so. I believe this is what most commonly causes this to occur.
     
  5. HeyAshley

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    sometimes i can't understand why people ask for advice because 90% of the time they do what they want to do anyway. or, at least i do?
     
  6. Naren

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    Yeah I know these people. I try a few times, and just give up. If they really want to fix their problems they'll start listening.
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  7. FemCasanova

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    Yeah, but I don`t consider them askholes. Just people seemingly incapable of making choices that are good for them. That said, my advice isn`t always golden and I don`t treat it as such. Sometimes they might get better advice from someone else, though my mother is irritating in the way that she`ll always ask a question to which she knows the answer, but even though I tell her (You shouldn`t call him, he`ll let you down again) she`ll do the opposite anyways because she just cannot help herself not to.
    :frowning2:
     
  8. Chip

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    ^^QFT^^

    Honest to God, that is so true, and I have a couple of friends who, even in their late 20s and beyond, continue to make terrible choices. At the end of the day, if it's your friend, you have to just let them do what they're going to do. You may know it's stupid, and you may have to watch them fail or otherwise take the consequences of their bad decision, but it can't be helped.

    What I've (mostly) learned to do is, when I encounter an askhole, I simply say something like "Well, the last half-dozen times you've asked my advice, you haven't taken it, and the decisions you've made don't seem to have ended up well. So clearly something isn't working, but you aren't taking my advice either, so it doesn't seem like what I have to say is helping you, so perhaps you shoudl ask someone else."

    Sometimes that works, and they get the message and quit asking. Sometimes they actually commit to taking the advice. And sometimes they persist in continuing to ask for advice, which I usually rebuff at that point.
     
  9. RedPowerRanger

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    If someone asks for advice about a problem then they will listen but may not take your advice because as the above posts said they arent able to take it. What you have done is made them feel better in themselves and at least chatted about it. Some good does come out of giving advice even if it`s not taken.
     
  10. kraftykrow

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    Old best friend asked me twice if she was justified in cheating on her boyfriend at the time... I think she just wanted me to know that she was cheating or something.
     
  11. tryhtwfr

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    It just really gets to me like last week my friend asked, "why do guys not go for me? please be honest" and so I replied with "are you sure you want me to be honest" and she said "yes" so I replied with "well the majority of boys I know don't want to take on the emotional stress of someone that self-harms or who has scars because they might think the self-harming stage might come back"

    This turned into a massive argument where in the end I had to agree with her for her to still be friends with me...
     
  12. The username

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    To be honest, I do this sometimes. Sometimes I may find other peoples advice to just not be that great or what I was hopping for, so I go with my gut. Having multiple opinions and perspectives never hurts.
     
  13. WillowMaiden

    WillowMaiden Guest

    Hate that. Feeling like you have to be a friend's "yes man," isn't a nice feeling for a friendship. I've always been a loner. A lot of times I came close to having friends, it would always turn into a "verbal punching bag/yes man" arrangement. I would immediately get out of it and go back to the shadows of lonerdom.

    I have a friend similar to yours. Our conversations usually go like this:

    Friend: "I want a relationship and X just doesn't want to do that, so I'm like why bother you know?"

    Me: "So you're going to end the sexual arrangement?"

    Friend: "Yeah, I have to, it's just not going anywhere and I deserve better."

    Me: "Agreed. :thumbsup:"

    Next day...

    Friend: "So X made me mad today. He came in the room and started feeling me up, flirting with me, telling me to give him head."

    Me: "And you refused?"

    Friend: "No, I did it and then we had sex. I'm just hurt because it's like he knows I want to be in a relationship, not just have sex, but whenever I bring it up he gets mad and brings up his girlfriend." Yup--girlfriend. :eusa_doh:

    Me: " :eusa_thin Perhaps you should stop having sex with him since it's hurting you that all he wants is sex. Time to move on."

    Friend: "Yeah, Imma have to. I shouldn't have to put up with this you know?"

    Me: "Agreed. :thumbsup:"

    Next day...

    Friend: "X and I got into a fight last night. He was asking me where I was last night and when I told him I was with J, he acted all mad. I think he was jealous."

    Me: "So you two aren't talking?"

    Friend: "No, we made up. He apologized and I appreciated that. Then we had sex."

    Oh for fuck's sake mate...:rolle:

    Me: "So he has reconsidered being in a relationship with you?"

    Friend: "No, he left just a few minutes ago to be with his girlfriend and Imma let him know that hurt me. It's like how can you do that to me knowing I have feelings for you. I think I deserve better, you know?"

    Me: "...:dry:...Sure."


    So yeah, I get what you're talking about. It sounds like it's not just you lending an ear, but your friend really wanting you to give your thoughts, seemingly taking in what you have to say, then turning around and not even trying to go in a direction that will help her. Then coming right back to you to discuss the problem, again. For me, a person doesn't have to follow my advice exactly or at all. If they're gut is telling them to do something else that'll help, then I totally support that. It's when the friend does something that makes the situation worse, after realizing what could have made things better, that's annoying. What's the point of talking about the steps forward you need to take, after taking ten steps back again? I don't know...it's weird. It can be a...taxing, tiring experience, to hear a friend be pained by something fixable, usually when it's a minor thing that the friend him/herself have control over. In my experience, for some reason, people who talk to me tend to give more attention to the minor dramas in their lives and act as if those situations are so dire, but casually glide over the more important stuff--at least what I perceive to be more important--which puzzles me deeply. Any road, my perception doesn't matter ultimately because it's about what's important them, so I digress.

    I've always been "The Confidant" personality, so people like opening up to me and I like listening. The only thing that makes me fed up with it is when the favor isn't returned (when I want to open up, they're too consumed by their own crap to lend an ear.) I love listening, but I hate not being listened to.

    Any road, in you're probably better off just listening only and giving the solutions a rest. I find that people know what they need to do subconciously and will do that when they're ready, so outsiders pointing it out when they are not ready rarely does anything.
     
  14. Ettina

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    I saw someone on this forum like that. Very frustrating.