My dearest friend is deeply religious. I have known her for a very long time, and she's always been single. Many people through the years were quite sure she was gay. It was the talk of the town for years. She's 50 years old, never married, no kids. She's content in her life. My inner feelings are starting to get stronger, both for her, and for the questioning of my sexuality. We are quite close friends, we have no problem holding hands, cuddling, or, if on a trip out of town for the weekend, no problem sleeping in the same bed. I know she likes cuddling, but at the same time is uneasy about it... saying things like "if you tell anyone I'll have to kill ya." I know how I feel about her, and I feel like she feels the same way about me, but neither of us will say it. There have been times she's gone overboard in talking about how wrong the gay lifestyle is in relation to her religion, her God, the Bible, whatever. She's brought it up often enough that it makes me feel like perhaps she's doing the same thing I am....questioning a straight lifestyle. She's overcompensating her beliefs....trying to talk herself out of it. That's what I think. Wondering if anyone else agrees. I mean, I've always kissed my dear friends on the cheek. She even overcompensates by saying she will never kiss a woman, period. It's as if she's trying to be straight when she really might not be. My love for her is strong, and I'm so happy when I'm with her. If she really feels the same way I do, I wish one of us had the nerve to say it to the other. But I don't mind just continuing our close friendship....close emotionally, and at times physically too. Definitely NOTHING sexual, heck, like I said, she won't even kiss me on the cheek. She never ever has. I kiss her cheek often, though, but I've been that way with friends anyway. So when I say close physically, I simply mean lots of hugs, holding hands, cuddling.... I am just curious if anyone else gets the same vibe. The anti gay/religion talk that gets obsessive, and the fact that she absolutely will NOT kiss a woman ever, even on the cheek. Feels like she's fighting herself. I know I'm fighting myself too....
Well, first of all, neither being straight or gay is a lifestyle. It's just the way people are, and if I were straight, I'd be the same person. I think what could help is looking up on some of the context of the very few phrases against homosexuality in the Bible, seeing an explanation for it definitely helped me. Also, know that Jesus never said a single thing about gay people. I'm afraid I can't give any advice beyond that, as I am rather young and I don't think that I could give advice to a 39 and 50 year old. But the most important thing here is that Christianity and homosexuality are very compatible, it's just that some people think it's more important to use the religion to justify discrimination of minorities than actually following Jesus.
steelygreye, Just in that post you have "outed" how wise you are. Don't know how "young" you are...but you are very wise, regardless of age. Not wanting to give an opinion to someone older....well, I think your opinion would be taken regardless of age....mine, yours.... thanks for the input! I, unfortunately, am not a very religious person....I surely have morals and values that the church would appreciate, and I do pray to God, but I am not like she is. I would be interested in reading more about "why" the bible says or doesn't say homosexuality is a sin....maybe I need to break my Bible out. She gave me one many years ago.
Heh... This reminds me of me and my buddy so much... but we're both Christian so I tried to ignore the feelings til I realized I was in love, and I just couldn't hide it anymore. I never expected anything to come of it, both of us being so deeply religious, but she was the hardest thing I ever had to give up for religion's sake. Others could've swore she felt something for me... At moments I could feel it in my bones. We pretended we were married and now pretend we are divorced and wanting custody for one of our mutual friends. (I told her how I felt and we no longer talk about how perfect a couple we would be if one of us were a man) Quite difficult. Anyhow, a lot of people fight their feelings for so long and all we can do is see what happens~<3 (By the way I say I "gave her up" because there were some moments I really could've taken advantage of her flirting...)
