Since I was 4-5 years old I had a secret, I knew I was attracted to the same sex. That made my childhood kind of weird as I was always hiding something. Everyone around me asked if I liked a boy from school or something similar. I was beyond annoyed, and I mostly felt very alienated even though I had a lot of friends. I was physically the same as other kids, but mentally I was completely different. I liked reading epics and learning about worlds history, and I knew most things people learn much later in life. But most of the time I would keep my mouth shut, so nobody knew what was going through my mind. I knew people hated homosexuals, and I knew I was one of those people they hated. Having that awareness and being that young was kind of overwhelming. I would look around myself and only see heterosexuals, and only hear people talk about man/woman relationships. I was aware what was the order of this world I was born into, but I couldn't deny my true feelings to try to fit in. I realized very early (I was about 7 or 8) that one day I'll need to tell my secret to someone, in order to avoid getting married to a guy, or staying forever alone, or just to stop myself from exploding into pieces.:lol: What I wanted to ask if I was the only one that had those experiences, or someone else had them too? I hope I'm not that unique...
Oooh yes, I've had that experience. Well not in the gay area, but in the trans* area. By the age of 5 I knew something was wrong with my body. It just didn't feel right. I had a happy childhood though because I was able to remain as my tomboy self. The older I got though, the less I was able to keep this secret hidden. So I actually tried to grow out of it. I forced myself to be a little more girlie during high school, it helped...sort of, only because I was ignoring my true feelings. By college, I had fallen back to my tomboy self. I just couldn't take it anymore. My parents noticed and thought I was being immature and that I really needed to grow up. Well now they know my secret and they have stopped saying that part to say the least. :lol: As far as being gay...well liking guys just came naturally. I had a major crush on this one boy in the 4th grade. I always thought I was straight though; cause you know, being in a female's body + liking girls = straight, according to society. Starting in Middle School, I always wanted to be a gay man. :lol: Only because during this time I didn't think I could be anything other than a female...even though I didn't and still don't understand girls at all. So no, you're definitely not alone.
Thank you for your understanding Niko. But there's the one thing I somehow forgot to put in the first post. The thing is that I embraced, and very much accepted my sexuality since I was 6-7 years old. That was all done in privacy of my own nutty head of course.:lol: I've had billion crushes, and kept them all secret, all the time feeling like the worst liar for keeping a ''straight front''(making up a boy crush). I know I was just 6 or 7 years old, but I was very serious and responsible child, and I liked honesty more than anything. Strange kid indeed.:lol:
