This is something that has bothered me for a long time. It may just be my own experiences and perceptions, which is why I am tossing it out into the wind to be thrown about, commented on, and torn to pieces. It seems to me that the 'acceptability' of a sexual orientation really depends on the community (and I use that word in a broad sense) you bring it up to. Straight communities seem to accept lesbians more. I believe this is, at least in part, because it's 'hot when two girls kiss,' and some straight men don't seem to understand that lesbian means they don't want to be with guys. :bang: Being gay seems to be most 'acceptable' (and by that, I mean the support is strongest) among the LGTB community. Maybe this is due to less seeming support elsewhere than lesbians get. Either way, it seems to me that gay men offer a really strong support system for each other, which is pretty awesome. Multisexuals (bi, etc.) seems to get the worst of both worlds. Closed-minded straights condemn them for not being straight. Closed-minded homosexuals them for not being homosexual. Multisexuals seem to sort of fall through the cracks, so to speak. We're told to choose a side, or that we're faking it for attention, or that we've just not decided yet. From my own (admittedly biased) observations, multisexual women get the worst of it, while multisexual men either get a 'free pass' because people think they might just be working on admitting they are gay or because 'it's harder to be a bisexual man, so they need more support'. Comments? Thoughts? Personal experiences? Flames?
I'm not sure that lesbians are accepted by straight men. They are tokenized and considered objects of male, heterosexual desire in a pretty offensive way. Multisexuals are treated pretty terribly though, because they experience the heterosexist behavior of the straight community and the rejection of many people in the gay and lesbian communities. My personal experience has been that the heterosexist behavior of the straight community has been somewhat hurtful, although not nearly as bad as hatred and condescention towards multisexuals by a few members of the gay and lesbian community. I should mention that I don't feel like I've ever had a free pass, and I feel pretty rejected sometimes. I don't really want to try to figure out whether women or men multisexuals have it worse, because as a man I don't really get what that experience is like, and frankly, if I were to say what I really think, I would end up being extremely critical of parts of lesbian culture.
I've never gotten this at all - the assumption that they're gay and too cowardly to come out never seemed like an advantage to me. The majority of straight women want *nothing* to do with a man who identifies as bisexual, and at the very least, are wary of dating or marrying one, with worries of her not being enough, him leaving for a member of the same sex, potentially exposing her to HIV, or being too 'feminine' always coming up in such discussions. The only way bisexual men can find complete acceptance from either community is to downplay their attractions, but then, that's hiding a very important part of their sex lives, almost always resulting in depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Essentially, out bisexual men are seen and treated as gay men, but without nearly as much support, acceptance, visibility, or community. Both of my last two relationships went down the gutter when I admitted my at the time fledgling bisexual attractions. I didn't distance myself, they did. I was called names, made to feel guilty, and treated as a leper, for simply being honest with them with what I liked, since I hate keeping secrets in serious relationships. Then you also have a few gay men who want nothing to do with bisexual men at all. I've found more in common with the trans and multisex communities, who seem slightly more accepting overall, though there are plenty of self-described bisexual women who have tis hypocritical double standard and expressing pure disgust at their male counterparts. If I weren't used to living between 'borders' as a multi-racial, hyphenated American, I might have gone insane by now.
I actually haven't gotten any biphobia from a heterosexual person. It has all come from people that are either gay or lesbian. I tend to stay away from who has it worse debates but I wouldn't say that the men get a free pass. They could have problems with women because she may think that he's secretly gay or that he isn't a "real man". I think that, as a woman, if I told an opposite sex partner that I was multisexual, I would be less likely to get a negative response than if I was a man telling a woman the same thing. I'm not saying that multisexual women don't face challenges. We do. The ridiculous bi=wants threesome thing comes to mind. I just believe that some of those challenges are different than what a multisexual man may face. Still, I think that there are challenges to being multisexual and some of those challenges are dependent on gender and/or sex. For example, I doubt a man is going to tell me that I'm not a "real woman" because I've been with a woman before
I can think of a way multisexual women have it worse than multisexual men: the very existence of the term "gold star lesbian." As far as I'm aware, gay men do not have a similar term.
I've seen a few gay men on EC use a similar term, but it always seemed a cute imitation at best, and didn't hold anywhere near the same weight 'gold star lesbian' did. It's doubtful many bisexual men would be accused of 'sleeping with the enemy', either.
I did not mean to make it into a "who has it worse" debate. Hence my liberal use of quotes. I am just curious as to what other people have experienced or witnessed, and I want to see how everyone feels about their own status. I think the only way we can all come together as a group is to understand that every single one of us has likely experienced prejudice and hatred, even if from different directions. I definitely agree that the 'acceptance' of lesbian woman is extremely misogynistic, and yes, being told someone wishes I was their girlfriend so they could have a threesome made me tear them a new hole. Apparently, being multisexual automatically equals being loose. -.-
I don't think multisexual men get a 'free pass' at all. Most people seem to assume we don't exist, and I certainly don't like being told I'm actually gay and I need to come out, or that I'm just trying to be special by pretending I like guys as well . I think we should stop focussing on who has it worse and start focussing on making things better for everyone.
my only complaint , and this makes me so angry sometimes is that like one poster said as bisexuals we seem to get the most hatred from our own community , and this to me is not ok, its so 2 faced its just like how straight people treat them they dont understand something so they fear it and thats exactly what they do to us, when they should be accepting us as their brothers and sisters.
Being bi with straight privilege, I sometimes feel that I'm "not gay enough" to be in the club. I have been told also that I'm just a gay guy who doesn't want to fully admit it, and that was by a totally bleeding heart liberal XD. I don't feel like I get such horrible treatment though. I mean, I'm only out to a handful of people, but I haven't noticed multisexuals getting particularly bad reception. The ability to appreciate beautiful people everywhere is a powerful counterweight, at least.
