Responding to People on Apps

What you have to understand is that the administrators do it because that's what their attorneys told them to do. That's why the "full member"/"regular member" divide exists. It's to defend litigation if there's ever an instance of sexual predation. That said, I love and hate the Six Asterisks.

The way I decide to respond to people is if they sound like they are gentlemen. I also profile-check. I don't contact people who are over 35, and I don't contact anyone who has "no femmes" in their profile.

As always, I recommend meeting people in a public place first and vetting them being ethical people. I have met with two guys on Six Asterisks, and the first guy was nice and we had pretty alright sex (considering my relative inexperience). The second guy was a self-absorbed psychological games-man who shut me out on the second date.

 

When it comes to apps, I only respond if they actually give me something to respond to. If they give a two or three words phrase, then I just assume they are either not interested, or wanting something else that I am not wanting at that time.

If you are so anxious and want to figure people out before meeting them, why don't you just try having a normal conversation with them about all the cliche stuff first? Sure, it's repetitive, but it'll open up opportunities to lead the conversation somewhere else. If they sit there and say "body pic? dick pic?" etc., you can just stop responding then.

 

the apps really only exist because people want to use your body, nothing more.

given the inherient risk and danger these apps entail, the website has a strict policy that you do that on your own time, and they dont want the forums to be included in it.

That is not stalinistic, that is 'this is their website, and therefore, their private property.'

 

Yes, run like hell if they ask for more pics! Those are pigs! Also get ready for guys who are looking for one-nighters only. If they want Skype, or webcam sex mark them off as well. I don't respond to one liners either. I responded to everybody with, "Thank You" and if I was interested I would followed it with a letter. This was all when I was tring the internet dating thing last year. I had no luck on there, all loosers, liers, and perverts! Lucky for me guys hit on me in person, and God blessed me with Mike. I am so happy with what I have I cancelled all my accounts. I would say be leary of those dating sites and apps. Let it happen natrually and wait for someone worth it! Good Luck, June

 

Tehehehe.

Well the thing to remember is you're on there.... there's likely some people like you who aren't into hooking up. But it may be hard to find. I guess you gotta respond to people you find interesting, and their motives should be clear after a few messages...

 

I've found decent guys on that app, and made some good friends actually. I'd say go with your gut, I stopped responding to people if things turned sexual in the first few messages or they were persistent after I said I wasn't interested in hooking up. I met my ex on there and he was a decent guy, we just had a bit of a language barrier and communication issues.

I did find guys on the most popular app to be looking for hook ups much more than guys on other apps.

 

Yes, once they say "Got any more pics?" or any variation of that line, I never write to them again. Sorry-if my profile picture is not enough to keep you interested than you're not for me!

Generally you can sort through and find the real genuine guys quickly. If you can hold a conversation without complimenting someone's physical features than it is a start!

 

Never had any experience with such apps, but the only way I'd even consider hooking up with someone online is if I had talked with them via messages for like two weeks or more. By then it's fairly obvious someone's interested and you can move on to giving them your cell number so you can text all night and day, then eventually meet up and hope for the best.

 

Yes this is quite telling - if appearance is the first thing they go for then they aren't likely to want much beyond that. Of course that is the main purpose of these apps though: picking someone based on appearance to fuck and not having much to do with them after that.

Which is why if you...

..these apps probably aren't the best place to be looking.
Sure you could get lucky, but you're making it difficult for yourself.

 

Well, I am going to swim against the stream ( as usual) .

These apps are just tools, and whether they are good or bad depends on how you use them.

Yes, they are primarily, but not exclusively, for people wanting to hook up. This does mean that they need to be used with caution, particularly by people who are perhaps inexperienced and vulnerable. In particular this is relevant to this site as people who are still forming their views of their sexual identity and who are not out, partially out, or newly out would all tend, in my opinion, to be vulnerable to some degree of another.

However, I have also chatted with and/or met some very nice guys, several of whom I have formed friendships with. Often these have had no sexual content other than some casual verbal flirting.

If, at some point, an adult takes the conscious decision to try out the apps, they think it through, are very clear in their own minds and in their profiles what they are looking for, and they take appropriate precautions, then these apps can be very useful. The apps generally have a facility to either block or report users who become a nuisance. My own feeling is that it is quite good to start with people who are geographically remote from you so that you can 'test the waters' and to make sure you don't give out personal contact details. If you do agree to meet, do it somewhere publicly rather than at your place or theirs, and make sure that you have informed someone of your plans ( and make a point of telling this to the person who you agree to meet). You ALWAYS have the right to say no, you always have the right to decide 'this isn't working for me'. Agreeing to meet someone does not guarantee them the right to have sex with you. However, it takes a certain level of assertiveness to do this, and if someone is not confident of their ability to resist unwelcome pressure then the apps are probably best either left alone, or used at most for dirty chat without actually meeting up.

However, while I feel the apps have their uses, I would say that in my opinion there are better tools out there ( depending on your location). Gay sporting/social groups provide an environment where there is a shared interest beyond just sexuality. Of course these are not necessarily available to people in all locations, but where they are available groups such as GLBT choirs/ running groups/hiking groups/sport groups etc, provide what I would consider a more balanced and less vulnerable starting point to meeting people. Nevertheless, I don't think we should just write the apps off as being 'bad'.

Initially I was a bit frustrated at the rather coy approach this site takes to apps, after all , it is silly to pretend they don't exist. However, on reflection, there are a lot of people on this website who are minors, and a lot of people who are in emotionally vulnerable states. While not every guy out there is a voracious sexual predator the fact is that there are some out there. This site has a responsibility to avoid actively encouraging vulnerable members (particularly younger ones) from utilising these apps, and if that requires some degree of censorship ( as much as I am normally opposed to censorship) so be it.

 

great thread! having just come out I've checked out some of the sites, put up a profile on one. If this had existed 20-30 years ago I'd have been looking for something different (more casual hookups). Now though I do want friendship and possible relationship, which I've indicated. Wasn't sure how to respond to the messages I've gotten that are just hi, etc. The easy ones are the guys under 35 -- way too young for me. But even with the older guys it's hard to tell. So this discussion has been real useful for me, esp. the meeting in public first etc. Thanks!

 

i dont like your first line lol. dont bash mods/admins they do alot for us you know. im pretty sure its not down to them being paranoid, i think its for safety of younger members aswell because people as young as 13 use this site and some may be naive and be like oooh i can go on xyz site and meet people when they have no idea who they may be meeting/speaking to, not a great idea. also this is meant to be an anon forum so if you mention apps then someone could find you on one and thats against the rules giving public info over the boards...

responding to people i find it pretty easy to fish out the people i dont want. if people contact you and say spomething instantly about your looks, then they may want sex or it be a way to get you to notice they are interested in you immedietly.

if someone tries to make generic convo like hey hows you they are probably the ones i would respond to as they are trying to get to know me and hold a conversation lol.

 

Well, the usual advice here is to join some LGBT social group. The idea is that you'll meet other gay men. From there, one could build a relationship that is based on something other than just a fast hookup.

Problem can be finding such groups. If one lives in a city like New York or San Francisco, there are probably many, many, many options. Other places aren't so great. My area has a population of more than a million between 2 counties. I ran a search for LGBT groups on a certain web site that allows one to find local social groups of all kinds, and the only groups I found are for lesbians. Discouraging to say the least. Frankly, there are times I've wondered if there won't come a point where I crack and try those apps... Fortunately, I don't have a smart phone, so that adds a level of cost and hassle, which will make me think more than once about that decision.

In the end, it seems like it must be possible to meet other gay men. Gay men have been doing it for a long time, much, much longer than we've had cell phones with dating apps.