So my wonderfully homophobic friend has had another great brainwave, he's decided to set me up with a girl that he knows, and apparently she likes me. Neither of them know I'm gay so he thinks he's doing me a favour and she thinks there's a chance. The problem is I really don't want to go for obvious reasons. It would be awkward, I've done the whole dating girls thing before and I don't want to do it again. Also, the miserly part of me doesn't want me to spend a ton of money on going out to dinner or something with her when I know I'm not interested. However, she is an extremely beautiful girl and if I turn down the date he'll know something's up because I recently bemoaned single life to him. So, as you could imagine, I'm between two minds about what I should do and some advice would be greatly appreciated.
Oh dear, i bet that is irritating. Have you met the girl before? If so then you can go to your friend and just tell them that she isn't your type and it would be wrong to lead her on, even if it is unintentional.You could also say that you can't afford to go if money is tight
So tell him that you aren't interested. If that doesn't work, tell him that you're gonna be busy for a while. If you're uncomfortable with it at all, don't let it happen.
Thanks for the responses. Yeah, I've met her very briefly a couple of times in the past, and she is pretty much any straight guys type, she's a very, very attractive girl so he won't buy it if I say I'm not interested, and he knows I'm not stuck for money so he won't buy that either. I've been thinking about it most of the evening and I'll probably just suck it up and go on the date, I'm moving back to my home country at the end of next month so I could use that as an excuse to not see her again I suppose. I'm just worried that she'll be expecting more from the date than just dinner and a chat though so I'm going to have to work that one out.
Why don't you tell him that? You're moving back home and you're afraid to fall in love with her if you went on this date because she's so beautiful/adorable/cute whatever yada yada yada something about her being really great yada yada yada and you definitely can't imagine a long distance relationship so you would be heartbroken and miserable. Tell him that is why you wanna look for someone when you're back home. Problem solved
Aren't you just putting yourself into more trouble by going to the date? Since it doesn't look like you'd be willing to come out to your 'friend', you might as well use "moving out" as your excuse for not wanting to go to the date. It would be "terrible" if either you or her were to develop feelings for each others and not be able to meet afterwards. Edit: Eh, Yui beat me to it.
That would be a perfect excuse if I hadn't recently complained to him that I'm sick of being single and that I need to start seeing people, he's the kind of guy that's like a dog with a bone when it comes to these kind of things, I know he won't drop it until I either agree to the date or tell him that I'm gay, and for now the latter isn't an option. I think it would be easier to deal with her face to face and maybe explain my situation to her and ask her not to say anything to him, and then afterwards give him some kind of excuse as to why it didn't work out. Although, I think it seems incredibly douchey to tell a girl half way through a date that you're gay and then ask her to keep it a secret. I might just make up a story about how there's another girl that I've been quietly seeing or something and I wouldn't feel comfortable going on this date or something to that effect.
You could tell him you've entered into a long distance or online relationship, and going on a date would be cheating. You could go on the date and tell her your gay - as an overly generalised rule, heterosexual women tend to be more accepting of gay men that heterosexual men. You can call the girl, cancel the date while telling her you're gay and ask her not to tell the friend. You could go on the date, and let it just not work out. You could make up some other excuse to your friend. Or you could tell your friend your gay. Those are your options, that I can think of. Good luck, whatever you choose. Not an easy situation.
I'd just be like... "I know I said I should be dating, but when I think about it logically it doesn't make any sense to date before I move. I just needed to vent." If they don't find this an acceptable response, just go on the date. More than likely the girl won't try to sleep with you on the first date and if she does just say you're a gentleman and that you'll be moving soon and don't want this to be a big date since you'll be leaving and you're looking for a long term relationship. Besides she seems nice and maybe you guys could be friends. It doesn't have to be such a big deal LoL Also, why the heck can't you tell him you're gay? So many lies...
I can't tell him because he's very homophobic, I've talked about him in a few threads and some of the very off colour remarks he's made about gay people. It would make life awkward while we're still here because we're in all the same classes so I'm not going to tell him until we're both back at home. I think I'll follow what everyone seems to be suggesting and say that it's a waste of time as I'm going home soon, if he keeps bringing it up I'll just change the subject, he'll find out sooner or later anyway so having him be suspicous for a while might soften the blow when I eventually tell him.
I hope everything works out! Be sure to tell us how it goes! (Also I hope he isn't really too homophobic or this friendship is doomed LoL)
Crisis averted! Last night I came up with the perfect solution. Most of my friends here are from France, but they don't speak much English or Spanish, and the friend who is trying to set me up never hangs out with us when I'm with them because he doesn't speak any French and it makes him feel awkward. So when he messaged me on Facebook about a half an hour ago I told him that I really liked one of the French girls and that I was going to take my chances and ask one of them out and that I wouldn't feel comfortable seeing the other girl because it might ruin my chances, blah, blah. Obviously I'm not actually going to go out with the French girl, but he doesn't need to know that! He said he hadn't organised anything with the other girl yet anyway and just wished me luck. If he brings it up again, it'll be easier to make up a story because he never has any interaction with the French guys so he'll never be any the wiser. Thanks again for all the advice!
