On the verge of exploding! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

darkestknight · 12th Apr 2008, 08:06 AM

Today I managed to talk to my pa about my sexuality, and needless to say, he is still partially in denial. That pretty sucked my balls hard when he said that there are no happy endings for Bi people. He said I'll might die so horribly out of it.

Now I'm really pissed. I respect my pa, but not this statement. He could go around and say that God created Man and Woman and blah this blah that and all the other shit, but he couldn't *still* get about my life.

Are all the Hollywood and the media portraying EVERYTHING wrong with being LGBT? That's so fucking absurd for my father to say that and he believes that.

And worse he still think that it IS a handicap.

Makes me want to throttle him sometimes.

If I were to give him a piece of mind, let me start with this:

"Yeah I am fucking Bisexual and I enjoy every second of it. God is very kind and He just loves everybody no matter what. Pa, do you want to have a kid who spend a shit-load of your money out of online games and never attend school, or do you want a promiscous bitch who got laid by some other bum and then get pregnant, or do you exactly want a kid who give you trouble every fucking second out of it?????? If you don't choose all these crappy kids, then you will be fucking lucky TO have me. Thank you and I rest my case."

Tim · 12th Apr 2008, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkestknight

"Pa, do you want to have a kid who spend a shit-load of your money out of online games and never attend school"

Funny... I took offense to that :3 Mainly cause in high school I was deep in a depression and all I would do would be on online games, as my friends on there (which a lot of them I have on myspace now) were quite nice to talk to. I rarely went to school cause I wasn't A. learning anything and B. I hated the teachers, except a couple.

darkestknight · 12th Apr 2008, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myzou

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkestknight

"Pa, do you want to have a kid who spend a shit-load of your money out of online games and never attend school"

Funny... I took offense to that :3 Mainly cause in high school I was deep in a depression and all I would do would be on online games, as my friends on there (which a lot of them I have on myspace now) were quite nice to talk to. I rarely went to school cause I wasn't A. learning anything and B. I hated the teachers, except a couple.

Sorry man, didn't want to offend you!

I have to desperately find some examples to tell my pa about it! So it could be the nearest one!

I also once had depression, but didn't skip school.

13th Apr 2008, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myzou

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkestknight

"Pa, do you want to have a kid who spend a shit-load of your money out of online games and never attend school"

Funny... I took offense to that :3 Mainly cause in high school I was deep in a depression and all I would do would be on online games, as my friends on there (which a lot of them I have on myspace now) were quite nice to talk to. I rarely went to school cause I wasn't A. learning anything and B. I hated the teachers, except a couple.

I used to be depressed as well when I was in high school. But I didnt wag school as it was obviously not a good thing to do. And most students hate the teachers anyway.

Noone should be offended by that sentence since its not a good thing to do when parents are paying for education.
But Im sure you dont spend loads of money on online games.

Louise · 13th Apr 2008, 02:51 AM

Ok, a different side of things!

Firstly I think you should give your dad these example, with a bit less anger and agression tell him simply

I don't do drugs... and cause you worries
I don't drink... and cause you worries
I am not a loose girl sleeping round... and causing you worries
I don't skip school... idem
I don't get in trouble... idem
I am not a murderer/rapist/paedophile... the list is endless

I do however

Work hard in school
Treat people respectfully
Am kind
Am caring... and go on to list all the good things about you

On your pa's side of things, you have already admited that he is in denial so keep this in mind with what I am about to say. At this moment in his life... and knowing nothing about the homosexual community maybe he truely believes that there are no happy endings for Bi's... it's down to you to educate him. I don't see this as a critisism on his part but more a voicing of his fears. That he is scared that you will die having never know the joys of a happy family life 2.4 kids and a dog because whatever happens... you marry a girl you will still have desires for boys or you live with your gay partner and still have desires or attraction to girls... no happy ending just a life of frustration. Do you see what I am getting at?

We parents just want our kids to be happy, have good lives. To know, believe and accept that you child is bi means that their life is more complicated than life already is! Maybe that is what he means when he talks of a handicap... not that you are a cripple but that life will be harder for you than most people. That is hard for a parent, that scares us, we can do nothing to help, we can't protect you from the hurts and upsets which are waiting for you. All these feelings whirl round in a confusing maelstorm in our minds. One of a parent's jobs is to protect their kids. It is very hard to accept when you come to the point in their lives when you have to acknowledge that you can't, that is life you just have to stand back and just be there if they need you. You change from being in the drivers seat to sitting quietly in the back seat! NOT easy!

You have also to be open to forgiving your pa who might of said these things in a knee jerk reaction. Give him some time to get used to the idea, give him some resources, try to educate him and put his worries to rest and then bring up the subject and see if he has 'evolved'.

If you meet what you percieve to be critisisms on his part with agression you will just end up in a conflictual confrontation where dialogue is a one way defensive street and no one hears what the other is saying.

Give your pa some time and understanding, he will get there and yes, like I said, point out to him nicely (maybe with a bit of humour) that he is lucky to have a great son like you!

total mo · 13th Apr 2008, 03:50 AM

It's cute that you are calling your old man "pa".

**Lexington** · 13th Apr 2008, 08:03 AM

Some people just don't get it. and after a point, there's no point trying to convince them otherwise. Your best bet to convince him that bisexuals can live wonderful, happy lives? Live a wonderful happy life yourself.

Lex

total mo · 13th Apr 2008, 08:53 AM

Being bi, I think you should think which do you like better, men or women?

xavier28 · 13th Apr 2008, 02:17 PM

well tell him to get over it cause u r there and there is nothing he can do about it. i mean come on he put u here.

12th Apr 2008, 08:06 AM	#1
darkestknight Ik ben vandaag zo vrolijk! Full Member Gender: Male, XY Orientation: Men, men, and more men! Out Status: Almost out to everyone Location: Malaysia Posts: 526 Join Date: Jan 2008	On the verge of exploding! Today I managed to talk to my pa about my sexuality, and needless to say, he is still partially in denial. That pretty sucked my balls hard when he said that there are no happy endings for Bi people. He said I'll might die so horribly out of it. Now I'm really pissed. I respect my pa, but not this statement. He could go around and say that God created Man and Woman and blah this blah that and all the other shit, but he couldn't still get about my life. Are all the Hollywood and the media portraying EVERYTHING wrong with being LGBT? That's so fucking absurd for my father to say that and he believes that. And worse he still think that it IS a handicap. Makes me want to throttle him sometimes. If I were to give him a piece of mind, let me start with this: "Yeah I am fucking Bisexual and I enjoy every second of it. God is very kind and He just loves everybody no matter what. Pa, do you want to have a kid who spend a shit-load of your money out of online games and never attend school, or do you want a promiscous bitch who got laid by some other bum and then get pregnant, or do you exactly want a kid who give you trouble every fucking second out of it?????? If you don't choose all these crappy kids, then you will be fucking lucky TO have me. Thank you and I rest my case." Last edited by darkestknight; 12th Apr 2008 at 08:12 AM..

13th Apr 2008, 02:51 AM	#5
Louise EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Straight/open minded Location: France Age: 47 Posts: 2,120 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: On the verge of exploding! Ok, a different side of things! Firstly I think you should give your dad these example, with a bit less anger and agression tell him simply I don't do drugs... and cause you worries I don't drink... and cause you worries I am not a loose girl sleeping round... and causing you worries I don't skip school... idem I don't get in trouble... idem I am not a murderer/rapist/paedophile... the list is endless I do however Work hard in school Treat people respectfully Am kind Am caring... and go on to list all the good things about you On your pa's side of things, you have already admited that he is in denial so keep this in mind with what I am about to say. At this moment in his life... and knowing nothing about the homosexual community maybe he truely believes that there are no happy endings for Bi's... it's down to you to educate him. I don't see this as a critisism on his part but more a voicing of his fears. That he is scared that you will die having never know the joys of a happy family life 2.4 kids and a dog because whatever happens... you marry a girl you will still have desires for boys or you live with your gay partner and still have desires or attraction to girls... no happy ending just a life of frustration. Do you see what I am getting at? We parents just want our kids to be happy, have good lives. To know, believe and accept that you child is bi means that their life is more complicated than life already is! Maybe that is what he means when he talks of a handicap... not that you are a cripple but that life will be harder for you than most people. That is hard for a parent, that scares us, we can do nothing to help, we can't protect you from the hurts and upsets which are waiting for you. All these feelings whirl round in a confusing maelstorm in our minds. One of a parent's jobs is to protect their kids. It is very hard to accept when you come to the point in their lives when you have to acknowledge that you can't, that is life you just have to stand back and just be there if they need you. You change from being in the drivers seat to sitting quietly in the back seat! NOT easy! You have also to be open to forgiving your pa who might of said these things in a knee jerk reaction. Give him some time to get used to the idea, give him some resources, try to educate him and put his worries to rest and then bring up the subject and see if he has 'evolved'. If you meet what you percieve to be critisisms on his part with agression you will just end up in a conflictual confrontation where dialogue is a one way defensive street and no one hears what the other is saying. Give your pa some time and understanding, he will get there and yes, like I said, point out to him nicely (maybe with a bit of humour) that he is lucky to have a great son like you! __________________ I'm a supporter of gay rights... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant. Paul Newman

13th Apr 2008, 03:50 AM	#6
total mo Banned Gender: Likes penis Orientation: Gay duh! Out Status: The world knows Location: Gaytopia Posts: 832 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: On the verge of exploding! It's cute that you are calling your old man "pa".

13th Apr 2008, 08:03 AM	#7
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,372 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: On the verge of exploding! Some people just don't get it. and after a point, there's no point trying to convince them otherwise. Your best bet to convince him that bisexuals can live wonderful, happy lives? Live a wonderful happy life yourself. Lex

13th Apr 2008, 08:53 AM	#8
total mo Banned Gender: Likes penis Orientation: Gay duh! Out Status: The world knows Location: Gaytopia Posts: 832 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: On the verge of exploding! Being bi, I think you should think which do you like better, men or women?

13th Apr 2008, 02:17 PM	#9
xavier28 Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: ATL/Ellijay Age: 19 Posts: 8 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: On the verge of exploding! well tell him to get over it cause u r there and there is nothing he can do about it. i mean come on he put u here.