I have developed this "liking" for a guy that works where I do, he works in a different department though. This crush is very much different from what I'm used to. When I see him, the room isn't spinning, I'm not over-compensating, I don't blush like an embarrassed child. Instead, as I walk pass him I think to myself "Say something. Say something. SAY SOMETHING!" but I miss the moment. Again. Though when we walk pass each other, my best friend who is also my co-worker, tells me that either he was "checking me out" or he was checking to see if I was checking him out. Which makes this just about the only good news in the situation. He started it. Not to sound harsh but I never paid the guy much attention until my co-worker kept telling me and I was like "you're not funny. Cut it out." and she was like "I'm not being funny. He just checked you out for the third time today." And when I really noticed him for the first time, it was like "Whoa.......This is going to go so wrong." :eusa_naug Now here comes the reasons for my anxiety. One, as the title notes, He's out of my league. Dude is very attractive. Dreamy brown eyes, hair cut low and smooth, about average height or a little taller and his body is built. His arms are probably about the size of mine but mine are a mix of developing muscle and fat, mostly fat. Dude's build is Lean so I'm pretty sure his body is mostly muscle which isn't really my thing but I must admit that he intrigues me. :lol: He has soft/feminine facial features that are kinda elegant and soothing but when you look at his body it just emits this rough/masculine energy and I love it. :eusa_clap Two, basically all of the reasons I stated above make me question this. I don't get why a guy like him would be interested in a guy like me. Most of the time I'm at work, I assume I look like if you speak to me I'm going to keep walking. I work in the gardening area doing maintenance with the plants so I'm positive that I look like I just burrowed from somewhere. And since we haven't spoken to each other, I have no idea what he could be interested in. From past experiences, it was usually only my backside. Which did wonders for my self-esteem but I digress...... :tantrum: Three, I am an Outsider/Rebel. I don't how to "flirt" with someone. I really don't care to most of the time since when I see a guy that looks nice to me I automatically assume he's straight and keep it strictly daydreams. I'm also so used to being on my own, I'm not even sure if I have it in me to approach him and not come off as a little "weird." I mean I'm not a complete social outcast though I act like it at times but I just don't mend well with most people my age and it's not exactly fair to lump sum him into that category but I'm trying to keep my feet as grounded as possible. Plus, I've been used by guys before. My feelings have been played against me like a amplifier turning on a guitar. Every time I was left alone to pickup the pieces while everyone else had no clue because I didn't tell them what happened since I felt that they didn't care anyways. There is this big part of me that wants to give this a go. A part that wants to go on a date since I've never been and a big part of me that wants to have someone to call when my the days of my life aren't looking too bright. This confliction is madness at it's best. :bang: Idk I guess everyone kind of goes through this at one point or another. I mean stepping pass fear is never easy and that's what I need to do here. I just have to lay my past to rest and move on. I deserve better and though he might not be it, I can't be afraid to give it a try. So I am going to speak to him next time we walk pass each other. I have no clue what I am going to say besides asking if he is or isn't but hey, that's life.....I hope ......I am trying to give myself some leniency here but I can't help but think what if I am wrong? :dry:........It's like the lyrics to one of my favorite songs goes: "Oh my look at those eyes. Look at the trouble that they hide inside. I see the flicker of a pain on the rise, oh my look at those eyes. But maybe they're like mine. Things I wish I did not see. I push away all the dirt and debris.....But what'll be left of me......" :help:
