A lesbian's story?

Are you a lesbian?

Sort of. I'm a Panromantic (meaning I can have crushes on MtFs, women, men, whoever is nice to me really) Homosexual (Kinsey 6; solely sexually attracted to women; though I think I may really be a 5.5 on the Kinsey scale).

How was your childhood?

Excellent. I grew up as happy as a kid can be, with very loving parents, both of whom worked.

Were you a tomboy or were you girly and feminine and play with dolls?

I was somewhere in between (like I am now). I didn't really like Barbies but I would play because my older sister would spend time with me playing with them. Both my older sis and I had both a girly and tomboy side as we were given gender neutral toys.

Did you ever have a crush on one of your girlfriends?

Female friends? Yes, I've had a major crush as well as fallen in love with another.

How did you cope with it?

Not very well. Most of the time I could avoid thinking about crushes, but when I fell in love I couldn't so I became a little psycho from avoiding my sexuality. I went through the grieving process.

When did you figure out you were a lesbian?

Some say they knew right away (mom says she knew when I was 10... what!), but I seriously thought I was asexual until my late high school years when I realized I was "off" somehow. I'm a slow learner and suppressed sexual thoughts most of my life for religious reasons.

Who did you come out to?

Everyone who needs to know (closest friends and family who I knew would accept me; some other close family members don't know but I feel no need to come out to anymore people).

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

No. *sad face*

When did you meet her?

N/A

SLUMBER PARTIES, did you have any?

I've had tons of sleep overs with female friends, most of whom I view platonically. The closest I've ever been to getting laid at one is cuddling in bed.

 

Bored lesbian with plenty of spare time to answer your questions here , um so my childhood from an outsider might seem pretty messed up , my mother had mental health issues and I was sexually abused in my teen years , however its what I knew and I had some pretty happy times too and some great friends who have kept with me from age 7-now at 22, my dad was/is amazing and spean't long weekends with me and my mum tried her hardest to deal with me despite her own problems. I Was/am a tomboy in the respect I would have lived in tracksuits if I had been allowed and I loved playing football with my dad , but than as I got older I realised I actually suck at sports so I got into performaning arts which was more girly and I got put in my older sisters handy me down pink clothes a lot. Crushes on straight friends - yes but I didn't really realise what they where until I got older I just had a fascination with certain girls starting around aged 10 ish I guess like I wanted to stare at them all day and be close to them , I didn't admit it to myself till I was older say 14/15 when I started having crushes on female teachers and boys didn't interest me. When it came to dealing with it I pushed it aside for ages convincing myself what I felt was normal that if I just had a relationship with a boy and ignored these feelings they would go away, but they didn't. It wasn't until my mum died and I was able to really discover who I was that I admitted it to myself, so about aged 19 I finally admitted it to myself , after trying to be bisexual through my teen years. I came out to my friends at 21 , late in the game because I was so worried about it , they didn't care though which is great , I am yet to come out to my family , but everyone at university and all my home friends now. Yes at university in the lgbt society. Yep had slumber parties all the time still kind of do (yes with my straight friends/) although they revolve around going out getting drunk and then crashing at someone's house after sobering up with food and films where it used to be just staying in all night, and I went to boarding school aged 17-19 so we use to have "slumber parties" there. If you have any more info just ask , good luck

 

Glad we could help!

She apparently "knew" because I told my female best friend when I was 10 we would be roommates and run an ice cream parlor and never EVER get married. @_@

And yes, I didn't allow myself to fantasize sexually for many years. I still wonder how I managed that now that I have a healthy libido.

 

The girls I fancied I was already friends with , but I didn't have any friends that where boys at the time so I couldn't compare feelings, I just thought all girls felt like I did . As I was trying to hide these feelings from myself I tried to hide them from others too so I tried to talk about boys just like they did until 14/15 and just tried to fit in, it obviously didn't work that well though as various girls called me gay growing up because when I had a crush on a girl I would keep looking back them in class and I stopped talking about boys when girls moved from talking about celebrities to boys they knew. I guess it was easy to pretend I was straight when I didn't really know what gay was and I could just comment on whether or not a male celebrity was good looking or ugly , but once girls started talked about boys in real life they fancied and talking about wanting to kiss them , that's when I shut my mouth and people started calling me gay. So I would avoid girls I fancied trying to avoid those feelings and comments from others.

 

Am I a lesbian? Why- yes. Yes I am. Lovin’ the ladies. My childhood though, not so much. Major health problems, fighting parents, post-alcoholic mother who had cancer, too much moving around and so on. Not very pleasant, but I made the most of it. I was that little girl in pink cowboy boots and a dress, trying to catch lizards in her backyard. I always dressed feminine but acted like a tomboy. I loved dolls. Still do to some extent!

I didn't really realize this until now, bringing things back to my memory so that I can answer these questions- I actually had a crush on a girl in fourth grade. I remember that at one point I had given her a little smooch on the cheek at lunch and I got teased so badly for it. I got so nervous that I ran off to the bathroom and pretended to be ill so they would send me home... But yes, I have had crushes on friends, three including that one.

When I first really figured out that I only fancied girls, I just kind of took it. It was something I was perfectly okay with, because for so long I thought I was pansexual and just favored females. I came to the realization this February when a guy asked me out. Whoops! I am open and out to everyone I know except for my family, but I had to come out to the guy first.

I had a girlfriend for three days. There had been a long running mutual attraction, but she had relationship problems (This actually happened before the whole - Surprise! You're gay! thing). We met in the beginning of eighth grade.

SO MANY SLUMBER PARTIES! XD They are the bomb!

 

Interesting thread.
Are you a lesbian?

I believe in my heart that I am. Although I'm living my life as straight. And not happy.

How was your childhood?

Not good. I was born to a young mother, no father to speak of, and an abusive step father. I was miserable throughout a lot of my childhood.

Were you a tomboy or were you girly and feminine and play with dolls?

I wasn't girly at all, and still am not. I love animals, the outdoors, and had an insane imagination. I really didn't play with "things," so much, I was outside enjoying the fresh air.

Did you ever have a crush on one of your girlfriends?

Yes. I got my first crush in my mid-teens. She was an adult, married with kids, and we were as close as two friends could ever be. Of course, I never acted on it...we did kiss on the lips, hellos and goodbyes, and I loved being that close to her.

How did you cope with it?

I was sad, confused, and actually told myself outloud..."my God, I'm in love with my best friend." Of course I never told her, or did anything more than show affection and love.

When did you figure out you were a lesbian?

Probably around 11-12. I had a strong desire to be with women, older women, and physically be close to them.

Who did you come out to?

no one

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

No

When did you meet her?

N/A

SLUMBER PARTIES, did you have any?

I have, and still do as an adult. Nothing more than snuggling, of course. In fact, I slept with a dear friend just a couple nights ago. Doing just that, sleeping. I always thought it was odd that I felt so...euphoric after experiencing closeness like that with a female friend I love a great deal. I have two now. Both are single. I've cuddled and shared a bed with both of them. I desire that quite badly. But, I have a husband. No snuggling/sex/I love yous....we are quite disconnected. I'm afraid I may live the straight life the rest of my life, because it's "the right thing to do." But I dream of growing old with a woman I love. And, one of my friends dreams that too. That we could have a house together, and live as a couple of spinsters.... even if there was never anything romantic going on with her, I would love that. We "get" each other.

Wow...I opened up quite a bit here. I dream of having enough of a backbone to tell people how I feel. I get turned on by women, by snuggling, by thinking about snuggling. Men don't do that for me. I feel like women just "get" each other.

I love the smell, the looks, the understanding, I check out their bodies, their hands, their lips, I like to play with the hair of a couple of my close female friends, I love to snuggle with them, I'm a very huggy, touchy person. And, I kiss a lot of cheeks. At times I think it's too much, and someone may think something of me for the way I am...but I am at a point in my life I don't care.

 

Hi!
yes, I am a lesbian. When I was little, I really didn't like "girly" things like pink or dresses, I was obsessed with feminism, and my dream job was to be the first girl in Major League Baseball. I didn't really know that you could be gay until I was eight and a boy in my sister's class had two dads, and even then for a while I never considered it an option. I had a good childhood (I guess I'm still in childhood, but I'm in high school now). I went to an all-girls school when I was 9, I'm still there now. I don't really like same-sex schools, though. For me it's much easier to be friends with boys because we have more in common; all girls seem to want to talk about now are boys and makeup, neither of which I am that interested in!
Throughout middle school I had a big crush on a girl in my class, she wasn't my best friend or anything but I knew her well. I didn't know what it meant for a long time, until one day, in 8th grade, when I was sitting in English class (we sat in a U shape, and I picked a seat opposite her every day so I could watch her ) and I was thinking about her, and it just seemed to fit. She's straight though so I've spent this whole year trying to get over it! I used to be really obsessive and draw pictures of her and stuff like that
The year I was 13 was really hard. I felt all alone, and when everyone was talking about one direction I was looking at pictures of alex puccio (a very attractive female rock climber!) and reading books in my school library about coming out and books by julie ann peters.
I guess I was wondering a lot about what was wrong in 7th grade when I wasn't attracted to boys like my friends were, and I was pretty sure in eighth grade but I didn't really admit it to myself for a long time, I kept trying to deny it.
I came out to my school counselor first, then when I got to 9th grade I was allowed to join my school's GSA and I came out to them (I love my GSA!!). Last month I came out to my parents :O
No girlfriends! Not allowed to until college
Yes, I had slumber parties! But I felt awkward about them. I don't have them as often now.
That's it! My life story is still happening....I haven't lived that much yet.

 

Are you a lesbian?
Yes, I'm about 90% percent sure at this point.

How was your childhood? Were you a tomboy or were you girly and feminine and play with dolls?
My childhood was boring lol. I played outside a lot and had a few friends, both male and female. I don't know if I was girly or a tomboy, I was just kind of odd. I had barbie's, but I also loved playing outside and getting dirty. As I got older (like 6-7 in this story) I became a bit of a bookworm. I wonder if it was a sign of something then...I was really angry and isolated for some strange reason (even though I had a lot of friends). I had weird little kid "crushes" on both girls and boys.

Did you ever have a crush on one of your girlfriends? How did you cope with it?
Yes, when I was 11 I realized that I was "in love" with one of my closest friends (I actually googled "i think I'm in love with my best friend"). We just spent tons of time together, and I felt more emotion for her than I had felt for anyone up to that point. I never told her, and I think she may have liked me to. She was a bit more mature than me and had a concept of sexuality (she was bi) but I didn't think of myself in terms of sexuality, and honestly didn't think too deeply about what my being in love with her meant. I just didn't want her to reject me, the same way I didn't want one of the boys in my class to reject me either. That was my only concern at the time. It wasn't that deep for me.

When did you figure out you were a lesbian? Who did you come out to? Have you ever had a girlfriend? When did you meet her?

It's weird because I've had passing thoughts about my sexuality all through my teen years, but there was never an 'aha!' moment until I was 17. One of my friends was talking about the Kinsey scale (she was struggling with her sexuality) and I looked it up and kind of realized that I was definitely gay. At first when I read it I placed myself as a 4, and then started questioning all my experiences (a lot of which was done while lurking on this site) and moved myself to a 5/6 - lesbian. There are small little moments with actual people where I could have realized it before (I'd had intense crushes on several girls since that first one) but I hadn't thought of my sexuality in those terms - or even as a separate part of my identity. I've never had an "official" girlfriend.

SLUMBER PARTIES, did you have any?
Yes. When I was growing up. I've slept over friends houses recently as well, but it's different. Am I answering this question as lesbian? I've made out with people at slumber parties, but most of the time they're just innocent gatherings, and I've never had any porn type action go down.

 

Are you a lesbian?
Yes. 100%.

How was your childhood?
I had a pretty happy childhood; I can't complain.

Did you ever have a crush on one of your girlfriends?
Yes. I had a crush on my best friend.

How did you cope with it?
I didn't cope with it. I didn't even realise that I had a crush on her at first. I knew that my feelings for her were different from what I felt towards my other friends, but I just thought it was because she was my BEST friend. Once I started to realise that I felt that way because I was gay, I had gotten over her.

When did you figure out you were a lesbian?
It was a process which started in high school and ended recently in college. I ignored it for a long time, but denying it had started taking a toll on my sanity, so I finally acknowledged that I like girls.

Who did you come out to?
I've come out to my mom and a lesbian friend so far. And my pets. My pets have been the only ones to whom I've been able to say it aloud.

Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Nope. I haven't put myself out there, but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to meet someone once I come out.

SLUMBER PARTIES, did you have any?
Yes. They were quite fun.

 

What is it about lesbians that is mysterious? Do we seem different than straight girls (from a gay guy’s perspective), or are they just as mysterious? – in what way?

I do understand the query though – just not the motivation behind your specific questions. I have similar questions about guys but on a different kind of uncertainty – sex. Why is it the main focus of many guy’s (gay or straight) life? Is ii as simple as having external genitals? Shouldn’t there be some kind of desensitization that happens after a certain age? Why is youth so appealing to many guys? Even among the gay community, youth seems to be a very popular trait that is sought after. I wonder this all the time, because I don’t see that same search in other species. Although, in mating pairs, it is usually the female that ultimately chooses the mate indirectly by allowance or by giving up resistance (but the latter just could be she didn’t have anymore energy to resist).

Even among humans, males don’t seem to have much variety when it comes to “choosing” a sex partner – at least it seems that way from my point of view. I could be wrong. Many just take what they can get. I hope that isn’t offensive – I don’t mean it to be. It is just what I’ve observed. Would you ever turn down sex from a nice looking guy due to not liking his personality or his beliefs?

I’ve observed people practically my whole life – since about 7-8. That is over 2 decades of observation to draw some inaccurate conclusions - mostly because all I have to go on are outer appearances & nothing about their internal mind processes, motivations, etc. I used to be quick to chastise someone for judging me based on what ‘appeared’ to be my mood – they were usually wrong, but I realized I do the same thing; it is hard not to.

Lesbians are as varied as straight women – although, patterns can emerge within the data. I wonder, though, if those patterns are not skewed by reading & hearing testimonials from lesbians in the media. We are so desperate for answers about why we feel the way we do (some of us are or used to be – many sated now, but likely had that question at least once), that we can mistakenly assimilate other people’s stories to our own life.

Till recently, I wholly believed I was an extreme introvert who just doesn’t like to (and is fundamentally unable to beyond the basic level) interact with anyone verbally. I now think I may have been misled by the mental health system and my own understanding of social ability & preferences. I think the reason I dislike interacting vocally is because I rarely get a chance to interact with like minded people (thus becoming inept; enhancing my dislike). There is always an air of conflict or controversy or general negativity when I’m exchanging chat with someone for more than 10 minutes. Something happens – don’t know what – and they seem to get angry or passive aggressive all of a sudden. They seem to change perspective quickly – from nice to nasty, but I’ve missed the cause completely. There must be some kind of non-verbal body language they misread because nothing I say should be the source of their negative reaction.

I was in my early 20’s when I knew for sure I was a lesbian – but my 1st FF sexual experience was when I was 18. My first MF experience was when I was 14 – hanging out with older people. I didn’t want to deal with the confusion, so joined the military & got married to my best friend (who had fem traits & personality). After the divorce (23) I came out to a long-time female friend. She wasn’t a really good friend (I don’t have any), but I’d known her the longest. I slowly just started being ‘out’ except to my family. It took till my late 20’s to come out to them – even then I only did it out of anger to their horrible comments about gay people announcing their commitment ceremonies in the newspaper. We parted ways soon after that, but it was to my benefit. I didn’t like most of them anyway.

So, what is the difference between a gay guy’s experience with sex vs a straight guy’s? I saw Brokeback on tv for the 1st time about a month ago. When they first kissed I was at a loss as to how he got up the courage to do it. There wasn't much sign that other guy was gay-- or had any kind of 'otherness' to his sexuality that I could tell. Was it just that he couldn't hold back any longer? Is it like that in real life where you just can't stop yourself & hope for the best?

Would you consider a masculine female attractive? Or say a FtM trans person? What is your reasoning behind your answer?

 

This definitely isn't about my full life story considering I'm still in my teens, but I felt like I might be able to answer some of your questions anyway and hope I'm helpful.

Are you a lesbian?
Yes; have realized it and am surprised that I didn't know earlier.

How was your childhood? Were you a tomboy or were you girly and feminine and play with dolls?
I was more of a tomboy; I had my dolls and pet shop toys, but I always found myself playing with them by having one get kidnapped and the others having to come to the rescue or they always seemed to end up jumping off the "cliff" (AKA my bed). In elementary school I remember having little to no female friends, and even now I prefer being around males and having a mostly male friend group, although I am steadily gaining more and more female friends as well. As a child, I preferred sports like football and basketball over things like soccer or gymnastics and I liked playing rough and getting dirty (which my mother hated). I didn't care about fashion or what I looked like; I had shorter hair and I remember wearing the same sweatshirt for about three-quarters of my forth grade year.

Did you ever have a crush on one of your girlfriends? How did you cope with it?
Actually, having a crush on my female best friend is how I came to the realization that I was gay and attracted to females. In edition, I've had plenty of other crushes on some of my friends. My main crush remains to be the girl that originally helped me realize my sexuality, and I cope with the other crushes because they seem almost miniscule when compared to the feelings I hold for the girl I met in seventh grade and that drove me to realize who I was. Coping with that large crush is still tricky; she knows of my feelings for her, and she remains to be my main crush. Let's just say our relationship is rough at the moment.

When did you figure out you were a lesbian? Who did you come out to? Have you ever had a girlfriend? When did you meet her?
I figured out that I was a lesbian at the age of twelve (in seventh grade), sitting in the middle of geometry class next to my crush. It sort of just hit me; my feelings for her made sense, and everything suddenly clicked together and fell in place. After that, I started realizing more of the things I wanted, what I felt, and how I acted. I "came-out" to my sister first, but she didn't take me seriously; she said I was too young to know and that everything would change when I got into high school. I still don't think she fully believes that I'm a lesbian. That shock when I first came out to her and she didn't believe me made me self conscious and I suddenly felt awkward; I tried to deny my feelings for my friend and push it to the back of my mind, but I couldn't. After a year, I finally came to terms with myself and accepted my sexuality when I was going into eighth grade. Halfway through the year I came-out to my mother; she accepted me and let me cry into her shoulder as she cried to because I was crying (it was a very close moment for both of us). She promised she wouldn't say a word to my father, who I have yet to come out to. I'm writing a letter though, and plan to come out to him soon.

As for a girlfriend it is a very distant wish at the moment; I haven't even heard rumors of any girl in my grade being gay, much less out and open. I amuse myself by thinking about what it would be like to have a girlfriend, or if my crush - the one that helped me to realize my sexuality- was actually gay, too. It's very unlikely though, and I can only dream at the moment and hope for the future because I do want a girlfriend, it's just hard to find one.

SLUMBER PARTIES, did you have any?
Not many, but that's mostly because of my social awkwardness, self-consciousness at people seeing my home, and that I don't have many friends who are into that. I've been invited to a few though, have gone, and they weren't really the best experiences. A couple hour parties are more what I'm into, if anything. It's doesn't really matter either at the parties/sleepovers I do go to that I'm gay. I'm still closeted so no one knows, and it's not like I'm going to make a move on anyone anyways.

 

Are you a lesbian?
Yep.

How was your childhood?
Pretty good. High achiever at school, had a good relationship with my family. Though there are serious health issues in my family so there were some very scary times.

Were you a tomboy or were you girly and feminine and play with dolls?
I played with anything. Generally my toys were props for telling stories, so dolls were good for that, but I spent a lot of time also playing with blocks and Lego and running around outside too.

Did you ever have a crush on one of your girlfriends?
Yeah, twice.

How did you cope with it?
First one, buried my head in the sand and refused to acknowledge it. Second one, came out to her and ended up in a pretty shitty situation for a long time.

When did you figure out you were a lesbian? Who did you come out to?
I knew I wanted to grow up and marry a girl when I was little. I figured out I wasn't straight at around 13, and was comfortable with the label of lesbian at 16. I came out slowly, to one or two friends at a time, from about 15-17 and to my parents at 17.

Have you ever had a girlfriend? When did you meet her?
Yes, I'm in a relationship at the moment. I met her in late 2010.

SLUMBER PARTIES, did you have any?
Yes, but nothing sexual ever happened.

 

I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I'm not a lesbian, but I am a girl with no sexual attraction to guys, so part of my experience is like lesbians.

Are you a lesbian?

No, asexual. I do sometimes wonder if I might be slightly homoromantic, though. I could imagine enjoying living with another girl and cuddling with her and having a lifelong commitment to her, though I wouldn't want to have sex with her.

How was your childhood?

Well...

Happy-curious baby with slightly advanced milestones and a long attention span. Then my parents became kinship foster carers to their 11 year old nephew and 14 year old niece. My cousins had a whole mess of problems - psychopathic tendencies for the boy, severe dissociative tendencies for the girl, borderline traits and probable reactive attachment disorder for both. (I've done a lot of research trying to figure them out.) My parents knew they were messed up, but what they didn't know is that both of my cousins separately decided to sexually abuse me. The girl ran away from home when I was 3 (she was 17 at the time, she'd run away before but this time she didn't come back). The boy stayed with us until he sexually assaulted a classmate of his, at which point my parents suddenly realized he was a danger to me and sent him to another foster home. A year later, he confessed to abusing me, and when the police interviewed me I reported abuse by both of my cousins.

Meanwhile, I was in kindergarten when the boy left our home, and grade 1 when he confessed, and I was having a lot of behavior problems in school. My parents figured it was all due to PTSD, while my teachers insisted I had ADHD. Even if they'd been right about my diagnosis, the school's way of handling me would have been totally wrong for ADHD, and it was even worse for PTSD. They basically thought if they punished and shamed me enough, I'd start acting like a normal kid. Given that a lot of my misbehavior was anxiety-induced, this naturally made me even worse. In addition, although we didn't know it at the time, I was also mildly autistic. Which meant I was clueless about social rules, laughed when I was scared, and had obsessive interests and difficulty with transitions. If the teachers had sat down and explained the rules to me, the way my parents always did, I'd have done OK. But I couldn't change my brain for them, nor could I undo the trauma I'd been through.

My parents finally got sick of fighting with the school, and pulled me out halfway through grade 4. I was homeschooled the rest of the year, then went to another school for grade 5. My grade 5 teacher was nice but clueless, and my classmates saw me as a perfect victim. Nonstop bullying made my mental health go down even further, and I was chronically depressed, scared all the time, running away from school and having meltdowns all the time. My parents switched me to another school for grade 7, but that lasted only a few months before I got kicked out for getting into a physical fight with my teacher (he started it by blocking my path when I tried to run away). My parents considered fighting it, but realized they didn't really want me in that school anyway, so they started homeschooling me.

Homeschooling pretty much saved my life. Gradually, I relearnt how to feel safe and happy again. I was extremely socially isolated, but that's the way I liked it because I was absolutely terrified of kids my own age. I was completely uncooperative with any attempt to actually teach me anything, but I was very good at teaching myself things, so my parents basically just let me be my own teacher. It was during this time that I self-identified as autistic and asexual.

I went back to school for grade 10, which did not turn out well, but I did get my self-diagnosis of autism confirmed by a psychologist during that time. Then I went back to homeschooling for grades 11 and 12, and then sat the SAT to enter university. I got a high mark on the SAT, got into university, and pretty much immediately signed up to be a psychology major. And that's where I'm at now - taking a reduced course load, somewhere around 2nd and 3rd year level in psychology with a varied mix of electives.

Were you a tomboy or were you girly and feminine and play with dolls?

Neither. I was a weird kid who made toys out of twist ties and acted out elaborate stories with them, as well as acting out pretend stories myself. As I got to be a better reader, I became one of those kids who always has their nose in a book.

I sort of liked sports when I was little, but got sick of being laughed at in gym class for how clumsy I was, so I became phobic of most sports. I never had much interest in dolls - I much preferred stuffed animals, such as my toy monkey whose prehensile tail I tied around my arm (I amazed this one priest at 5 years old by using the word 'prehensile' accurately).

Did you ever have a crush on one of your girlfriends? How did you cope with it?

Nope.

I had fake crushes on boys, though. When I was in grade 5, I got sex ed, and since they assumed we'd all turn out straight, I assumed it too. I was on the watch for crushes so much that when I saw a boy who looked interesting or had a nice personality, I assumed I had a crush on him, and began trying to act out the crush the way characters in the books I'd read did. (I even tried to be this one boy's 'secret admirer', but he threw out my note without noticing it.)

When did you figure out you were a lesbian? Who did you come out to?

I figured out I was asexual the same way I figured out I was autistic - by reading an account by someone on the internet, and realizing their experience was similar to mine. Specifically, Jim Sinclair was the one who introduced me to the concept of asexuality, after I'd already gotten obsessively interested in autism. Unfortunately his actual website seems to be down.

For awhile, I was hoping I was asexual, but I wasn't sure. The thought of getting involved with a guy (the possibility of being gay still hadn't occurred to me) was terrifying. Even scarier was my worry that, since I really like kids, I might be a pedophile. But after some fairly explicit talks with my parents, I realized that what I was feeling bore absolutely no resemblance to sexual feelings. (I've since realized that the intense emotion I feel towards children is a desire to be a mother.) It really came as a relief, personally, to figure out that I'm asexual.

(Incidentally, if you were to compare asexuality to blindness, many asexuals are like legally blind people - they can see, but so little that it makes just about no practical impact on their life. Whereas I'm more like a totally blind person, for whom the concept of sight is completely foreign to their experience.)

SLUMBER PARTIES, did you have any?

When I was 10-12 years old, I had a friend I'd met through girl guides, and we had a lot of sleepovers together. We were kind of obsessed with each other for awhile. She was kind of messed up, a juvenile delinquent with a screwed-up home life, but she was a good friend to me for awhile - until she got a new friend and tried to play us off against each other, and I dropped her like a stone.

My main concern in our sleepovers was that she'd figure out that I wet my bed. Also, I hated sleeping over at her house because three out of her four family members smoked (mother and two older siblings) and sleeping there gave me a headache. She preferred sleeping over at my house too, which in retrospect I think was because my family was a lot happier than hers. Her older brother was a druggie and kind of scary, and her parents fought a lot (her mother was married to one guy, living with another guy and dating a third, and this was supposedly OK but I could tell it really wasn't working out for them).

I do remember the one and only time my friend convinced me to steal. We slept over that night, and I felt like the beads I'd stolen were calling out accusingly to me. Unable to sleep, I got up and got them out and showed them to my Mom along with a tearful confession. That was the second worst sleepover I had, with the worst being the one that ended our friendship.

 

Thanks for your reply. That last thing you replied to someone else ... that is what I meant by focused on sex. It doesn't matter how old most guys get, that focus seems to always be there. I've never experienced that with females of any age -- not even at unsupervised sleepovers. Drinking, gossip, smoking (tobacco), truth or dare game involving streaking naked down the street or eating raw eggs -- yes, those things I've experienced -- but things that involve manipulating or measuring sex parts never would have occured to us.

Once upon a time I thought I was straight just because homosexuality was seen & taught to me as deviant behavior that only the desperate-for-sex do. 'Those people' seek attention and can't get it any other way than to be vulgar & crude. I didn't know normal people could be gay & life could still be full of ... well, normal-ness.

I knew I wasn't a desperate person -- could have sex with anyone I wanted -- & did experiment with that a little as a young rarely supervised teen. Curiosity was my motivation -- sex was not something I cared about (still don't) but was wondering what all the fuss was for. I never figured that out. I figured there was just something wrong with me -- maybe I don't produce enough of the chemical responsible for that 'need'. Oxytocin is said to be involved in feeling love for someone, but I've never experienced that first hand. I've had moments of love in the form of 'loving certain traits of someone's personality', but not loving someone enough to want to be with them all the time or seeking to sleep with them.

I knew about the Bear community because I saw it on the L-Word. I don't live in an area where I 'see' gay people out & proud. There are small communities for LGBT in universities, but they are full of 20 something people who are, like you, questioning & experimenting with their preferences. I want to find an established LGBT community who are confident, tame, & interesting to talk to -- patience is also needed on a human level (gay or straight) because my verbal ability is very basic.

Cheers. Hope you find what you are seeking.