1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What the hell is happening?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Perseus, May 17, 2013.

  1. Perseus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2013
    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Geneva, Switzerland
    I'm stupid. I don't know why this is happening. I have no idea what I'm doing. I got a girlfriend, as simple as that. I'm really confused, I have no feelings towards her and I don't know what to do. It just happened that she liked me and suddenly, we were dating. On the other hand, this is kinda nice. People are like "this is great, at least he's straight" or "don't need to worry about sitting next to him anymore"... But I haven't done anything, no dates, no touching (don't even mention kissing). I don't wanna hurt her feelings or anything, but I don't expect anything to happen either. Can anyone just explain to me what is happening in my mind?
     
  2. bagginses

    bagginses Guest

    LOL same thing almost happened to me. I had this girl that everyone thought I liked (though I kinda did have feelings for her) and so I was peer pressured into asking her out. Everyone thought I was so cool for asking her out, then I came back to realize that I was gay and Told her "Never mind" about the dating issue.

    I felt like such a douche-bag. I think she really liked me.
    Partially it was my fault because I would walk her to her class.

    She still doesn't know that I'm gay LOL.

    ---------- Post added 17th May 2013 at 04:33 PM ----------

    But just tell her you've changed your mind.
    but to avoid having to come out of the closet, you can tell her to tell everyone that she broke up with you. ^_^
    simple enough.
     
    #2 bagginses, May 17, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2013
  3. Argentwing

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, that really sucks. But you're going to have to tell her the truth as soon as possible; the sooner you let her down, the less shocked and heartbroken she may be.

    What got me was the comments you describe. People worried about sitting next to you for perceived attraction? They must not understand much about gay people.
     
  4. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    Wow, do people really worry about sitting next to gay people? As if, even if we were to be sexually attracted to the guy next to us, that we'd suddenly lack all control, rip his clothes off and start raping. How stupid. Heterosexuals, particularly women, get unwanted sexual attention all the time. Why is it so much worse when its gay people?

    You need to break up. Its unfair to both of you to be involved in something that has no hope of turning into anything. You can tell her the truth or make up some story - it doesn't really matter, just do whatever you're comfortable with.
     
  5. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    In answer to your question in the title, I can tell you, from my own experience that it is often your ego that gets you. You think of yourself (the very definition of ego=what you think and believe about yourself) as a nice guy who doesn't hurt people...

    You need to break up with her because you need to let go of that illusion and because, as Brené Brown would have said: you need to choose the short-term discomfort of honesty over the long-term disaster of resentment and regret.

    Besides, it's a good thing to exercise those assertiveness muscles from time to time!

    P.S. the illusion you have to let go; that you're a "nice guy" does not mean that you will become a schmuck, it means that there is more to you than just being nice.
     
    #5 greatwhale, May 17, 2013
    Last edited: May 17, 2013
  6. myheartincheck

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2012
    Messages:
    2,461
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    The Golden State with a Golden Gate
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I was like that in high school. I hadn't discovered my sexuality yet and I hadn't learned how to say "no" so I had three boyfriends and wondered why I never felt anything for any of them (or boys in general with the exception of one).

    I have a feeling you're in "bargaining" mode.
     
  7. BryanM

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    2,894
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Columbia, Missouri
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for a few months after I realized I was gay. I had no feelings towards her, and vice versa. We were only in it because I was too scared to break up with her and say why. If I could take it back, I definitely would, because me and her don't talk anymore and she was such a good friend of mine beforehand. You should break up with her and just say something along the lines of "I'm not ready for a relationship." Or "I just want to stay friends," if you don't want to tell her you're gay. I hope you get this sorted out Will and I hoped this helped :slight_smile:

    Edit: It sounds like you just got sucked into a relationship without knowing it. There's nothing wrong or anything, it happens to a lot of us.
     
    #7 BryanM, May 17, 2013
    Last edited: May 17, 2013
  8. Perseus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2013
    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Geneva, Switzerland
    Thanks everyone... But I've just been this relationship for a week, and I don't really think I'll be able to be friends with her after this. What if they even think I only dated her to cover that I'm gay? ( normally when I hear other people talking about breaking up and they say lets just be friends, they never talk to each other again. This will make her even more sad. Can I make up an excuse like I'm not gonna see her in the summer vacation...? :slight_smile: thanks for all the help once again!
     
  9. Absol

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2013
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bristol, VA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Can I ask did you ask her out or did she ask you out?
     
  10. Hrantou

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2013
    Messages:
    1,107
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Haha! Same thing happened to me. I ended up with a girlfriend in high school. Weird part is, I actually asked her out. I knew I was gay, but I just wanted to be more accepted, and at the time, I thought having a girlfriend would make me more...cool.

    Yes, that's how my brain worked back then >_>

    In the end, she broke up with me though. After a month of me just...not showing interest. I never kissed her, or held hands...and she broke up with me later. I don't think she knows I'm gay now, but I don't wanna tell her. I don't want her to think she turned me gay xD

    Anywhosies, my advice to you is to break up with her. If you aren't interested, leading her on will just hurt her more as it goes on. Tell her the truth if you feel that's the right course, or, like someone said, make up a story. But the main point is, do it quickly. Don't let it drag out, or it'll hurt more. I know that personally.
     
  11. leer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2012
    Messages:
    1,785
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    grt Manchester
    I had a Girlfriend at school ''just the one '' I felt it was grate cover and i had no intention of doing anything she held my had few times sat on my knee nothing was happening didnt get an erection or anything after two weeks she dumped me:grin: I wasnt that heartbroken . we stayed friends i wanted to come clean with her tell her i was gay but
    I chickened out think she would have tried to kick my head in if i told her . I seen her at college months after i came out and I spoke with her she was fine with it she was 17 then and already pregnant .
     
  12. Dublin Boy

    Dublin Boy Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    1,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    A lot of Gay Guys on here, have a feeling that they are Gay when they were in their teens, but go into denial, they date Girls & have sex, they don't love the Girls, the sex is OK & they do care for the Girl, like you would for a friend, this cycle continues until the actually marry one of them & start a family, the relationship is doomed, because at the end of the day the Guy is Gay & is attracted to Men, the marriage breaks down & the Guy is on his own, then one day the Man wakes up & comes out to himself & admits that he is Gay :slight_smile:

    The moral of the story is, he should have been true to himself when he was in his teens & come out to himself & saved himself all the heartache & wasted years!