Preference or Prejudice?

I don't think it's racist but I have been accused of being racist for not being attracted to a particular race or ethnicity. I like when people include that. I'd rather not waste my time or feel ignored or unattractive when really someone is just not attracted to my race or ethnicity.

As for the fat shaming, I like when people are straight up ignorant about it because I know who to avoid. My sister is slender but always refused to respond to ads that indicated that they would only date slender girls.

 

This is a prejudice, hands down, and putting 'no ___' is just another form of overt discrimination, not unlike signs hanging outside restaurants meant to keep racial minorities out so-called white territory.

A preference means you're open to multiple choices, but favor one over the others: a scotch whisky preference, a same-sex preference, a rock music preference. There's a huge difference between, 'well, I prefer x, but I'm also open to y' compared to 'no y, period'. Yeah, you're not into them, but why let everyone know, unless you're trying to send a message (don't come these parts)?

I'll admit to having my own biases and prejudices, too, but would never write off anyone simply for being of a certain racial or ethnic background, since I'm a firm believer in judging each person as an individual and letting their actions speak for themselves. And I definitely wouldn't want to exclude others using hostile language; that's a dick move, no matter how you try explaining it.

 

I'm not sure. Honestly.

 

Hmm....I am very suspicious of people who suggest that they prefer one race over another... I cannot say with certainty that it's prejudice, but I am...suspicious.


I suppose, if it's truly an inherent biological preference (unless that's impossible? I frankly don't know), one could technically claim it's just what they'd prefer.


However, I believe that if you hands down say "I'll never date 'x' race," I'm going to call it out as prejudice. Even if you truly had this "inherent biological preference," it's just a preference, damn it! Keep an open mind and give 'em a shot (hell, I'll never get the "I have a preference for 'x' race" thing anyways, [just because I can't think that way] so that previous sentence seems rather absurd to me to even type....)

*tips hat to*

 

I love how we are curious about prejudice or racism here on some ads that say "looking for a co*k to suck..." I know some dating sites are better...so I'd be more inclined to think those are okay.

If you like it, you like it. If you don't, you don't. I have my preferences. I don't think it makes me a terrible person.

 

What I would like to see in dating profiles is for people to say what they are looking for, not what they don't want. I view profiles a lot more positively that say "I'm into masculine guys" rather than ones that say "no femmes."

 

If not being attracted to black people is racist, then not being attracted to girls is sexist.

 

^This is horseshit. Besides the fact that there are no universal traits shared among all blacks (besides a few obscure biological quirks, like a propensity for developing sickle cell anemia), there's always the option of telling the person 'sorry, you're not my type', ignoring them, or using a block feature, which most sites have.

The only cause I could think of where telling others in an obvious way what you're not into is if you were constantly being flooded by hundreds or thousands of requests per day by members from x group.

As it is, many old, overweight, and colored members of the gay community already feel discriminated against and undervalued, and certainly don't need constant reminders of others' prejudices against them.

 

For ethnicity/race, it may have to do with the environment. I have been raised in a place where there is mostly Hispanics and whites and all my friends are such. This is not for a lack of trying but because that's our demographics. As such, I have always seen myself dating a person of such ethnicity, but I have found people (read: men) of all races attractive. To put "NO XYZ" on a profile in a way is beneficial because it helps weed out those who are prejudiced.

Regarding weight, I am not prejudiced as long as the issue doesn't pose a health problem. People who are TOO "skinny" or "fat" may medical issues that need to be addressed. I have no qualms over dating someone who is a bit overweight, but if his weight is putting him in mortal danger, I would feel he'd best address this issue in his life.

Age is where I am most prejudicial in the sense that I want to date someone who is close to my own. I feel that as you age, your maturity level changes. While it is true that chronological and mental age do not always correlate, there is also the factor of power. Older persons, generally, have more experience, money, power, and resources than younger people and such a relationship may cause strain on the younger partner and make him feel unequal and dependent on the older one. While this is not always the case, I feel it is more important in same-sex relationships because they are generally thought to be built on equality. Heterosexual relationships are in a way exempt from this because, patriarchally, the man had the power and money and the woman had the household/child-rearing duties. This has changed; however, heterosexual relations were historically an unequal relationship.

However, that is not to say that there are exceptions.

 

I personally think that using the word race for humans is racist..

But, to answer the question, I do not think that saying that you don't find a certain ethnicity attractive is racist. I think that, in this case (don't get me wrong), it is comparable to style preferences. If it's okay to not be attracted to Gothics, Skaters, Punks, etc, why would ethnicity be different?

On the other hand, if you just don't like them at all, not even as friends because of their ethnicity (and style as well), then it is racist (or a prejudice). (In my opinion)

 

It's better to not include the "no (insert race)" in a profile, but rather tell the person who is interested in you that you are not interested in them (no reciprocation). If not, maybe just put it in a different way like maybe, "I'm sorry but I have tried and is not attracted to (race)"? (interested vs. attracted is different, based on people above have mentioned)

Personally, I disagree with people not being able to be attracted to a certain race. It's just that that race's stereotypical physique/looks/culture/characteristic/etc. is not in our line of preference. I say this because given I am not attracted to certain race, sometimes I find myself admiring a very little portion of them who's appealing, especially if I meet them face to face.

 

I put 'not sure', because it is preference based on prejudice, so it is kind of both. Although as usual how much is preference and how much is prejudice will depend on the person.

If you don't like something then you don't like something, and pretending you do is just going to be an inconvenience and timewaster for everyone involved.
That said, you don't need to be a dick when you are saying what you prefer. As others have said, say what you do want rather than singling out what you don't.

 

omg this

i even get so nervous when seeing these statements even outside of dating profiles. i begin wondering "oh god am i too ____ for this person/am i doing this wrong"

so yeah it makes people uncomfortable and probably draws less attention than desired.

having preferences is ok, you just need to know how to not come off as a dick.