Hi everyone, I've been in my relationship with my fiance (male) for more than 8 years, and due to events late last year my jealous tendencies flew off the handle and I accused him of perving on girls all the time (even though he's not that kind of guy, I wouldn't be with him if he was). Anyway, long story short, he said I should look at how I feel about women because he honestly feels it's a projection onto him of how I was feeling about women. What a liberating moment when I took on this theory and really thought it out! I feel like rose coloured glasses have been taken from my eyes and everything makes sense. I certainly do like girls as well... and though I still get the jealous feeling every now and again, I stop and think about myself and how I'm feeling about that girl and then bang, I feel instant attraction and no jealousy. Anyway, my fiance has said if I feel I ever want to explore this part of me he is ok with that as long as I tell him and don't keep secrets about it. No he isn't being a perve and saying he'd have to watch or know details, he says it's for me. I dont know how I feel about this. It's one thing to say there will be no problems and another altogether after something has happened. I'd like to think I don't need this to validate my feelings, but at times (and I'm still learning a lot about how I feel and what I like) I think I couldn't bare not to have that at least once in my life. Has anyone here made this decision before? How did it go? How did you feel? I'd hate to feel guilty by it or cause problems as we've come so far and are doing really well in our relationship, especially in the last year.
It's a dangerous gambit. Threesomes or sleeping with another often ends poorly. People can say they will feel ok with it but it's so hard to explain how you will react until it happens. The problem is most people will look differently at their partner when this occurs. I do speak from from VERY lucky experience. My partner and I have had an experience and survived (not an affair...something else). But anyway it was hard to look at each other the same way and that's in the best of circumstances. Just be aware of the emotional dangers that are present Foxface
I don't see how bisexuals are any more "allowed" an affair than monosexuals, unless you are trying to perpetuate a stereotype that bisexuals can't stick to one sex and will inevitably cheat on their partner with the other sex. This sounds like an individual issue, not something that should be attributed to bisexuality. It sounds like maybe you are not feeling fulfilled in your current relationship, so now you want to fool around with someone else....but it's probably a better idea to just work out your issues with your fiance, maybe figure out a way to make it more exciting and engaging. Presumably you two are getting married soon; you shouldn't be having thoughts of wanting to go sleep around before you've even made it to wedding day. :eek: I mean, an open relationship is fine if both partners decide upfront its what they want.... but if you've been with this guy for 8 years in a closed relationship, you have no idea how an affair might change the dynamics of your relationship with him, even if he says he is okay with it.
I've just read my post again and it does sound a little off. I don't think I've really portrayed who I am or my message adequately, and I hope I haven't offended any other bisexuals. This was by no means a stereotype for bisexuals, and I would never even consider it except he has mentioned it as it's a part of me I've never experienced before, and he wants me to understand it, and feels this may be a way to do that (I've only just accepted it since early this year). I am definitely happy in my relationship, there is no question, and my sex life with him is fantastic (especially since I've accepted this part of myself). I actually don't really intend on taking up his offer, if I've ever thought of it seriously I just can't picture going ahead with it, it's just something he has mentioned a few times and it got me thinking about whether this is a regular occurrence,and what happens to relationships when this has happened. It's a very new and confusing feeling/adjustment for me to reveal how I feel about women, this in no way has anything to do with my current relationship and how fulfilling it is. I don't think being in a committed relationship voids any confusing or unsure feelings when suddenly discovering bisexuality ... If you must know, since admitting this part of myself our relationship is actually stronger on all accounts (I guess that saying "you can't really love someone until you love yourself" plays a part here). The actual thought of doing something doesn't feel right to me, and I have said to him that if it were with another man he wouldn't be ok, but to me a woman is just as bad and as much cheating. I do know one bi woman who after admitting her bisexuality after 15 years of marriage, she brought in other women occasionally and they are still together after 17 years. On the other side, if he were to discover he was bisexual I would not feel any way comfortable with him having a guy experience, as to me it's the same as another woman, but maybe that's something mostly bi/gay/lesbians think as they feel this way about the same sex. Hope this all makes sense.
