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My dark shadow

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Perseus, May 24, 2013.

  1. Perseus

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    Finally got this into words... It has always been in the back of my mind and I feel like I just have to tell someone about this. I'm not sure if it has affected my sexuality or as a person. I feel like I should tell this to anyone, but it is a problem that I always think about.

    I promise I didn't know anything that was going on or what was in my mind. But I have to remind you that this may be a bit disgusting or whatsoever, and this is not the person I am anymore. This has already happened, and I can't do anything to change it. It may sound a bit unreal, but I'm telling the truth. When I was 6, I was really great friends with this boy; he was about the same age as me. I don't know how this happened but according to my memory, the next second I found myself behind the doors having something in my mouth. That happened quite a few times and we would even take our clothes off and stuff. It was not my idea, and I had no clue how he knew all this stuff. He would kiss me and do stuff to me (No, he wasn't an adult)

    I never believe in myself though, they seem like unreal memories, although I'm pretty sure they did happen. Do you think that made me gay? My parents mentioned that gay people always have something that went wrong in their lives which made them gay. Is that true? I don't really know, I'm confused. Does that mean I was originally straight? Some people say being gay isn't a choice, but what if it is, and just not mine? Why does this have to happen?

    Thanks for all the support though, everyone is so nice here. I hope you just understand that I didn't want it to happen. (*hug*)
     
  2. GayAndHappylol

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    Well,i got many things in my mind,that i thought ive seen somewhere but never happened,although i think of them,like a person would think about something that really happened to the past.I believe that it might elaborated you,but not turned you gay,although there are many theories about what makes a person gay.Some theories state that it can be hormones,or the enviroment.Others think that we are born with it.Personally i believe the second.Because i remember myself to feel attracted to boys from the kindergarden.
    You dont have to feel ashamed about it,you were a kid and you didnt know what was happening,kids have big imagination,also when a kid learns about something,either tv,or other people,he/she want to try it not even knowning what it could really be :slight_smile:
     
  3. Hefiel

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    Your parents are wrong, that's all there is to it. There is no scientific evidence that has shown a correlation between past experiences and sexual orientation. This also goes for male children who were raped as well, there is no evidence that they become "gay" as a result of a traumatic experience, even amongst the few that would turn out to be gay later on in their lives. Which isn't to say that it's completely impossible, but it's improbable.

    I myself have had an experience around the age of 5-7 with another boy that, done today at my age, would be considered foreplay. However, this may only have been the result of early signs of attraction to other males (which also presented themselves again at age 11).
     
  4. BryanM

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    I'm so sorry that happened to you. (*hug*) Well, I think that almost everyone at some point in their life has something traumatic happen to them, but I don't think it can turn you gay. I'm not going to be one of those people that says everything happens for a reason, either, because no one deserves that as a six year old, especially if you didn't consent to it. (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  5. Dublin Boy

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    Worst case scenario is that the other kid was being sexually abused & this was where he was learning the sexual acts from, he may have thought that this was how you played with other boys, you were only six & did not know any different, you should not feel any shame :slight_smile:
     
  6. Perseus

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    Thank you everyone... but is it normal for boys at that age to do stuff like that?
     
  7. Hefiel

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    It's not common, but I wouldn't say that it's a rarity either. In your case, the other kid may have just seen something on TV or the internet and tried to mimic the behavior he saw, albeit with another boy.

    In my case, I was sleeping over at a friend's house when I was between 5-7 years old (as he was), we were playing together, then undressed a little to go to bed and as we kept playing one thing led to another. Only difference is that it wasn't something I had ever seen on TV.

    The kid moved away a year or two later so I've never seen him again, but I'd be curious to know if he's gay now that I think about it. He was decent looking as a kid so I wonder how attractive he his today... Oh well. Highly doubt I'll ever meet him again, but it's a funny thought.
     
  8. BlueBear

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    You can’t ignore the importance of this memory. I don’t think this made you gay but it represents something important. I have found the parts of our upbringing that stand out like that represent something symbolic and can lead to great gains in understanding ourselves. It may reflect another event or series of events where you had no control.