Let's cut the bullshit about fat people

I always just assumed that when people claim they prefer skinny people its just a preferred like I prefer girls with curves and some fat on them, and not so much to do with the health of the person just what I find attractive and what I think I think id be put of by someone who was a health freak enjoying exercise classes in the spare time and eating salad because id feel we didn't have much in common ,I imagine its the same for those who prefer skinny people, they want someone who is similar to themselves mayby and might have a similar life style, its not part of my sexuality just a preference and I am well away there are girls who are just naturally skinny and aren't exercise freaks but I think dating someone like that would make me feel bad about my own curvy figure and put me off food so that's my own issues with food there.

 

I haven't posted in any the other threads but feel like I should respond anyway. You're only attracted to chubby guys, it's the same for me if you replace 'chubby' with 'skinny'. I've never found myself attracted to someone chubby or overweight.

No silly excuses, no justifications, it's simply who I'm attracted to. I'm not making up excuses why I'm not attracted to women either, why should I do that for the type of guys I (don't) like?

noh8

 

I'm a bear who likes twinks, and there are twinks who like bears. Some bears like other bears, and some twinks like other twinks. It all depends on what you like.

 

For my part, I can say it's about health. I found myself attracted to a big girl recently, and it's because she's smart, but also physically active. When I say it's about what I can do with the person, I really believe that, and it's not cover for something else. If I can't at least go on a long hike with you, I'm probably not going to be as excited to be around you.

Unfortunately, I can also say that body types are also part of my sexuality. While I have been attracted to big girls before, I have yet to find myself attracted to big guys. For whatever reason, I like the female body when it's big better than I like the male body when it's big.

That said, I will still be against insensitive and needlessly confrontational or rejectionist ways of communicating the preference online. I maintain that people need to frame their preferences as that: what they prefer, not what they reject.

So, I'll always say that people should say "I'm interested in lanky, slender guys" rather than "no fats."

As a femme, I can say that I empathize with how much it hurts to feel rejected by the "no femme" profiles that people put up all the time, rather than just saying "I am interested in masculine guys."

People need to define what they actually want, rather than put all their deal-breakers out there. Those are for dates, not profiles.

 

As a chubby guy myself, I feel like this is probably doubly important for me.

While I CAN be attracted to skinny super fit people, I can also be attracted to bigger people. Curves are sexy y'all.

 

I seriously doubt people aren't attracted to overweight people because of health concerns. It seems like a really stupid argument unless the guy is like 400 pounds or something. You can be pretty overweight and still be healthy. They're just not attracted to that kind of body type, simple as that really. Just like you're attracted to exclusively "chubby" people.

 

I've heard it said, "Never trust a skinny cook". For the longest time I wasn't attracted to chubby people because I operated on the assumption that they didn't care about their health. My husband, however, is 5'11" and weighs about 250 lbs. He's sexy to me, not only because he's hilarious, loving, and really fun to be around, but also because he can cook, which is awesome because I can't.

He's like a sexy pear. :lol: He says he's a gourd, but I say he's a pear. I love his body. I admit, I was sort of scared to see him naked the first time we had sex. I fooled around with a chubby lesbian in college, and I didn't find her very physically attractive. I was afraid of being put off by his body, but I was relieved when he took off his clothes and loved what I saw. I saw the man I love who has brought me so much happiness by being so accepting of things that people normally find excessively weird about me. He's wonderful, and even though he'd like to go down a shirt size, I'm not sure I'm ready for it. : P

 

I agree that fat and healthy are not mutually exclusive. Comparing myself to my brother best shows that. My brother is a big guy and slightly overweight while I'm skinny fat. Yet my blood cholesterol levels are higher than his. Maybe I'm more genetically predisposed b/c my dad has high blood cholesterol problems too, idk. Moreover, my brother lifts weights (and I don't) and eats a lot less than I do.

So you're pretty much jumping the gun by assuming someone is unhealthy just because they are overweight. And you may fail to acknowledge individual differences, e.g. effort to getting into shape, that they're actually healthy, etc.

I am not attracted to chubby people just b/c it's part of my sexuality. There's not much more to it really.

 

I'm overweight and went to the Doctor last year and I have no health problems.

 

I don't care about health, I just happen to be attracted to skinny people. Just like I just happen to be attracted to guys.


And I think people really do need to be able to draw a line in regard to who they are attracted to and who they aren't. When on dating sites or apps I used to be so afraid of offending anyone that I would respond to anyone; I would feel bad like I had to at least feign interest especially if the person was larger and not conventionally attractive....and thus I would be chatting with people and eventually even went on a date with someone I didn't find attractive at all. And I was miserable, and my eyes kept wandering to skinny guys I found attractive walking around NYC. People can't force themselves to be attracted to someone, and ultimately pretending otherwise is just leading that person on to a relationship that can never work.

 

I'd rather people just came out and said they are not attracted to fat people, than justifying their attractions. The majority of the time it comes across as if they're trying to cushion their attractions, and to be honest I just don't get it. Until you get to know someone, and do various physical activities with them, you're unlikely to determine the degree to which their weight influences their physical health. If someone finds overweight/obese individuals unattractive or disgusting, then that's their view and I'm not going to get upset because someone stares at me and sees a disgusting mass of fat (with all the fat associations people have tied to me), then I know they're someone I'm unlikely to be compatible with even if I were not a fatty.

I tend not to find underweight individuals aesthetically appealing, at least not in a sexual manner. They can be wonderful subjects for photography sessions, and indeed for drawing/painting, but as a sexual partner? Not my cup of tea. Maybe it's years of condition scoring animals, but my preference is for individuals where the ribs are palpable but not visible. I have a preference for people who do not let exercise rule their life too, but maybe that's because I'm a fatty who doesn't understand why everyone has to be in such a rush to reach the top of the mountain or why they need to run a certain number of miles under a certain time period. Oh look, rambling.

Basically: I find people justifying their preferences odd, and I find lumping together certain attributes and linking them to these preferences odd. If you prefer people who can be physically active to the extent you are, then that's fine. If you prefer people who are physically active to the extent you are AND prefer people who are not overweight then that's fine too. It's just the linking of not liking overweight people BECAUSE they obviously cannot be as active as you prefer that I start thinking "eh...?".

I do think people need to embrace their attractions a little more, without feeling that they need to justify them or that they're a bad person for having those attractions. People have attractions, embrace them.

 

Owen, my experence with gay guys are they seem to go for looks only. Yes shallow! I have yet to have one in my presence be attracted to me and as a man I don't think I look that bad. Go to any gay bar out there and watch the wash board steroid using guys walk in and every mouth in the room start to droole! It is just a fact of life! Now I am sure there are a few out there like you who like something diffrent from the norm but it is the rarest of the rare gay man. In person I have never met one yet and I am almost 41yo. I hear on here all about personality and how everyone looks for that first, but the gays here in Florida did not get the memo.

Last year when I was tring to get a date with a big date site I was wondering why I was only getting answeres from young 15 to 26yo guys! Where were the 40yo guys? Not answering my ad! So I changed the pics from me to my ex's brother. In a skimpy bathing suit and he has been a body builder on steroids since 16yo and he was about 28 in the pics. On the hot meter he is beyond a perfect 10. Guess what? I had 17 messages in less than 5 min! By the next day I had over 200 messages and some guys had sent 7 to 10 messages begging for a responce and listing the reasons why I should pick them!!! I decided right then that with gays it is all about looks.... I am so blessed as a trans-woman to have the straight and bi guys out there who seem to want sex with me.

I am still in shock that Mike is giving me a chance! Every day when he tells me he loves me many times a day, I fall to my knees and thank GOD for blessing me with him and cry tears of joy. Allthough I get hit on a lot by the straight/ bi guys, it is rare for one to want more than sex. So I feel your frustration with your feelings because I have felt it too. I don't think it will ever be any diffrent I hate to say. June

 

Just posting to say this:

The only thing you can tell about a fat person by looking at their size is that they are fat. You cannot tell if they are healthy or not, you cannot tell if they take care of themselves or not, you cannot tell what their personalities are like, you cannot tell how good they are in bed, etc. Just as there can be healthy, happy skinny people, there can be healthy, happy fat people. And even if we're not "good fatties"... fat people who exercise, eat 'healthy' foods, etc... we don't deserve to be painted with a horribly negative, vastly untrue Stereotype Brush. There are skinny people who lay around all day and eat unhealthy, too. We all deserve some loving.

That is ALL I ask people to consider before they judge a potential hook-up on their weight. If they still just aren't into fat people, okay, cool... but it irritates me beyond belief when people assume us fat folks are stupid, smelly trash who just need to put down the doughnuts or some damn thing. Fat is not a sin, it's not shameful, it's not gross, and it doesn't imply bad health, a lack of self-care or a lack of self-respect.

And honestly, as a fat person with health issues NOT related to my weight, I don't owe it to anyone to "be healthy". If you can't love me because I'm sick, why the hell would I want you in my life anyways? Regardless of my weight? Are skinny people who suddenly get cancer deemed unlovable because they have cancer? It is another thing that annoys me. If you don't want to deal with people that could (or do) have chronic illnesses, that's your choice, but I feel sorry for any partner they get if they suddenly become ill.

 

I like this, calling people out on trying to sugar coat everything. Weight is one of those topics that people feel the need to always have a justification for their opinion. I guess it comes with the sensitivity of the topic, or trying to avoid looking vain. Who knows.

I myself am quite skinny. Just how I believe opposites can attract, so can similarities. Personally, I like to look for people who share commonalities with me-physically. To me, that is the best match. Height, weight, sometimes even hair color! Obviously, people look for opposite qualities, date different sized people, people of different races, and even of different sexes

Own your preferences, do not try to sugar coat them and justify it because it may come off pretentious.

Like Owen said:

This is absolutely true! And being on either side of the weight spectra can have serious health concerns.

 

I prefer chubbier men over skinnier men because I find the extra weight a lot more attractive and sexier. I also prefer if a man didn't care about the calories that he's consuming and fusses about how unhealthy food is. Then again, looks are taken into consideration and more importantly personality. Weight isn't a problem, though I noticed I prefer men with fat men, especially around their pecs. I just imagine that they'd keep me warm, and it would feel better to hug them.

 

I agree that all those excuses about why people don't want to go out with fat people are complete nonsense.

I'm not attracted to fat people because I'm not attracted to fat people. That's it: end of story.

 

:eusa_clap

 

Love this post! Couldn't agree more. I'd much rather see some comment about under size 6 or something in an ad so that I don't waste my time. I'm not a size 6 and never will be. I'd rather not have someone ignore my message or worse, waste my time so as "not to hurt my feelings" or some other nonsense. I'm quite a catch if I do say so myself. If you don't want to be with me because I'm not a size 6, I'm happy to know that since you clearly don't deserve me.

It's ok that some will overlook me because of my dress size. If it bothers me enough, I'll do something about it. I'm not unhealthy or inactive. You just aren't attracted to me? That's just fine with me.

Thanks for posting this. Made me smile. It's exactly what I thought when I read the thread.

 

What I prefer and who I would go out with are not the same. Who you fall in love with doesn’t exactly have rules. I prefer long dark hair and curvy thighs and butt. Because of my insecurities really fat people makes me feel the flaws that reside inside of me.