OK, guys, I'm going to try to pass, but I'm not sure when or how. I know for sure that I want to take a male friend with me to reign me in in case I start reading too "girl". I don't really think I'm that feminine, but people have told me that I can be. However, I do know this much: I'm going to do this out of town where nobody knows me. I don't plan on bringing my husband because he might be uncomfortable being labeled as gay. When I'm dress like a man but don't necessarily present male, I have this uncontrollable urge to hang on him and just generally be really affectionate. I just feel more open. I presented male on the Kinsey test and got a 5, and I'm perfectly OK with that, but I don't think he wants to be seen that way. However, I'm still going to wear my wedding band so that I don't get any phone numbers. Not saying I will. I probably won't, but I want to do what I can to eliminate the possibility. I've been practicing talking from my chest so that I sound more masculine. I still haven't gotten around to ordering a binder. I'm 5'4", so it will probably be harder for me to pass. So is there anything I need to know before I try to do this? Is there anyone who's done something like this before? If you have, what was your experience with it? I know I need a binder, but is a packer necessary? Is there anything I shouldn't do, say, or talk about when presenting male? Am I too short, or can I pass being 5'4"? How should I relate to people? Is there a certain way I should smile? Are there any hand gestures or things body-language-wise I should avoid? If asked, should I say I have a wife, or should I say I have a partner? I'm really curious about this. I have read things on this topic, but I feel like I'm missing something. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. :icon_bigg
Packers aren't really necessary, IMO. And when I wear one, I feel really self conscious, which doesn't help. Be confident, act like you don't expect anyone to read you, and they won't. Also, watch the way you speak. Apart from (obviously) speaking in a lower register, speak with less variation in pitch. Not quite a monotone, but closer to it than the average woman. Try to avoid gesturing too much. Don't sit with your legs together. When trying to relate to people, focus on concrete matters, avoid emotional things. This is not only because men are perceived as being less emotional than women, but because you have less experience in dealing with emotions socially than a man who was raised a man. When standing, stand with your weight on both your legs, not one. Thats all I can think of right now. I wish you luck and enjoyment.
I'm a dude who stands at 5'1" and I pass pretty well. I notice girls giggling and staring at me in the sort of, "he's really cute" way--so I'd say that I'm doing a fair job. Height can have an impact, but I've seen cis guys who are about the same height or a little bit taller (5'4 or so), in public and they seem to be doing alright. As for packing, it's not necessary. Guys nor many girls take a look at your junk, unless if you're at a club or some place related (I presume). I don't pack in public at all. It feels weird to me. As Hexagon mentioned, focus a bit on your posture and how you walk. As for your behaviour, act however. Not uberly feminine if you want to be perceived completely as male, but you don't have to be a sexist or stone-cold douche about most matters. It'd come across as much more male to say, "I have a wife" rather than "I have a partner" but that's just my opinion. I don't really know if there's much else I can mention? As for binding - without a binder.. eh. Maybe layering clothes, or using duct-tape or an Ace bandage for the time being can help.
Thanks! I found your feedback very helpful. I really hope I enjoy this. It's a bit scary. Focusing on concrete matters I think is a good way to go as far as conversation goes. I like the idea of just talking about "guy stuff". You've given me a lot of good, sound advice, and I will try to remember and practice all of it before stepping out into the world. ---------- Post added 27th May 2013 at 11:21 PM ---------- Thanks, Oddish. I do think I'm pretty masculine already, but I think my behavior and speech patterns could use some work. I would like to be perceived as completely male, although I don't think there's anything wrong with being a somewhat feminine guy. I figure talking about having a wife would work better, too, because my husband is the one who does the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, so all I'd have to do is change pronouns. I also really want to try and avoid Ace bandages because I've heard some horror stories about trans men who have used them for binding. Layering clothes sounds like the best option to me. Also, I did date a guy once who was 5'6", so I know there are some pretty short guys out there. Just wanted to make sure it wouldn't be an issue. Thanks again for your input.
If you're looking for binding on the cheap, I use a sports bra. Definitely depends on how wide you are in the chest area but it works well enough for me. Do some shirt layering to help aid the bra and hide your curves. I'm actually really curvy myself so I find going with an open shirt with a tank underneath helps minimize that. But I will warn you, never have tried to pass in public myself but the sports bra's definitely done wonders in helping me feel more like myself at home. :3
