Love and Hate

First of all, I'd like to start this post by asking everyone reading this to forgive my exhaustive wordiness. I have a lot of thoughts as of late, and I would like everyone to consider them.

Let's start with hatred. I ask you to go within yourself and picture in your mind someone you hate. Dwell on that for a second. Pay close attention to how that makes you feel. Does your pulse elevate? Do you feel angry, frustrated, or even trapped? Does it suck all the enjoyment out of what you were so happy about even just a few seconds ago?

Feeling this way from hating someone is not unusual. In fact, I'd say it's pretty universal. Hatred is like a disease, a parasite that seeks only to perpetuate its own existence. It's painful to those who carry it. Just as toxins permeate our bodies' barrier systems and open us up to disease, so too do emotional toxins make way for more negative feelings.

Think about someone you know who is constantly angry. How does it feel to be around them? If I had to guess, I'd say it makes you feel very negative as well. My sister is a great example of this. One time, we were just walking through Walmart talking about things we enjoy, and then I saw a woman who was wearing a strapless dress with a bra that had straps. The dress was very tight and looked like a very long swimsuit coverup. I just chuckled to myself a bit from the sight of it. But then my sister noticed this woman and said pretty loudly, "I hate it when women wear bras with straps under strapless tops. It's so trashy." Immediately, the evening just stopped being fun.

I know my sister has a lot of pet peeves, but she does this all the time. I've tried telling her to be quiet and mind her own business, but she persists. This is why I prefer not to spend a lot of time with her. She's so negative and for no good reason that I can think of. Publicly pointing out people's flaws is her way of asserting her "superiority". She's very insecure and bossy and wants everything to go her way, even if it's not in anyone's best interest. I still love her for who she is, but I just really wish she'd stop carrying on this unnecessary behavior.

Ugh.... That was terrible. Let's get to love. Now think of someone you love. How does that feel? It feels good, doesn't it? As I've heard Lady Gaga say, "It's always wrong to hate, but it's never wrong to love", and it's very true! I learned in my life coaching class that as coaches, we are to love the person but change the behavior. When it comes down to it, it shouldn't be the people we hate. It should be any hateful, ignorant behavior that they have. We are to respond even to their most negative sentiments with love and powerful questions. We are not to judge them. Each person is beautiful, precious, and perfect in their uniqueness. We're just there to smooth off the rough, jagged edges to help them form themselves into a beautiful, sparkling gem.

This got me wondering why people are so negative. Not only is negativity not healthy, but it's also counterproductive. When I was younger, I used to wonder why people didn't like me. It took me years to realize that it was because I didn't like myself! I was personifying everything I hated for so long because I didn't realize I hated it. I had been raised to believe that I had to be a certain way, so it just seemed normal to me. This made me a very negative person, and until I figured out I hated who I was, I didn't understand why. So then I made a point to be who I wanted. I'm a lot happier now because I've realized that the only way to stop hatred is with love. Like breeds like, and hatred only perpetuates itself. It's like a fire. If you keep feeding it, it will grow and consume. But if you smother it with love and positive thoughts, it will inevitably go out.

I hope that everyone who reads this takes something positive away from reading this. I wish you all happiness, health, and prosperity from this moment forward. (*hug*)

 

I agree. If it weren't for all my bad relationships in the past, I wouldn't appreciate my marriage the way I do now. I also like the idea that negative people exist for the sole purpose of strengthening positive people. Without challenges, we would not become strong. Without struggles, we would not be able to appreciate good things.

 

Pretty much. It makes me sad that many people prefer the momentary illusion of satisfaction to the long-term benefits of just being better. It is hard. It takes a lot of searching and effort to be truly happy, but I believe that everyone can do it because anything worth having is worth working for.

 

That's smart. I know that one time, when I was doing a life coaching session with a partner for class, and she asked me, "What do you own [other people] that you need their approval?" She stopped me in my tracks. I just paused with my jaw dropped for a moment and then replied, "When you put it like that, I have no idea." Her question just stunned me, and I have never been the same since.