So Sick of Being Awkward

I am the same way. I don't have many friends due to my awkwardness around others, so unfortunately I do not have any advice to give you. Hopefully we'll both overcome this!

 

As George Strait says in the song "Here For A Good Time," "I ain't here for a long time; I'm here for a good time."
You've got to want it, man, and you've got to do it. Otherwise, you're going to look back on a life filled with what-ifs and wishes.
[YOUTUBE]_ALdBczzuz0[/YOUTUBE]
Just in case.
And I know how off putting it can be to just be, to go off in the moment, but I've come to learn that you can't let others hold you back or get in your way. You're living for you, and nobody else.
Next time the chance presents itself, dive right in. I swear to you, you'll come out alive. =) It wouldn't be the end of the world.

 

I know that feeling all too well, and you're right that one of the great ironies of the world is that not wanting to come across as awkward will make you feel more awkward.

Here's the thing: when we get good at doing things unconsciously without thinking about them, if we try to think about doing them, we suddenly become worse at them. That doesn't just apply to socializing without feeling awkward; it applies to all skills. If you've gotten good at being social without thinking about it, that doesn't mean you're getting better at being social and aware of it. So if you want to avoid being awkward, that requires, in some way, losing that awareness of yourself. It requires keeping yourself from thinking about how you're coming across. Problem is, once you've slipped into that awareness, it's hard to slip out of it.

Like any skill, you can only get better at socializing without feeling awkward through practice. As someone who's been through it and come through to the other side, here's the best piece of advice I can give, because it's what helped me the most: find a crowd or a scene or a group that you can lose yourself in. Find a crowd/scene/group that makes you forget yourself. Find a group that you can immerse yourself in. You know that feeling when you watch a good movie and become totally engrossed in it? To the point where you forget you exist and all there is is the movie? That's what I mean when I say "forgetting yourself". Find a group that does the same thing as a great movie. That's what it takes to make you stop thinking about how you're coming across to others. Because, after all, you're not going to stop thinking about how you're coming across by telling yourself to stop thinking about it.

Obviously, it's going to take some trial and error to find that group, but keep at it. Because when you find that group you click with, when you find those people (or even just that one person) that can make you forget yourself, you're going to have some great, enjoyable, non-awkward times. That'll give you the confidence to be less self-conscious, because you won't worry about needing to check yourself to stop yourself from being awkward. You'll be confident that you don't need to do that. And with that, you'll find more groups that you can immerse yourself in, and the cycle will continue.