Would love to hear from people who have been in a similar situation. This is my reply to a woman hurt by husbands coming out. I am a man who after 20years of marriage and 3 children, came out as gay and I hope that hearing it from my side of the fence can help you. I can fully understand the torture and pain you have had to live, but PLEASE do not blame yourself or try to go mad trying to work out what and why it fell apart. After FINALLY admitting to myself that I am a gay man, I've been able to reflect on my life growing up, highschool, meeting my future wife etc. Yes, I realize NOW that I had always been gay but back then it was something I would not, could not identify with or act on. I was teased in primary and highschool for being too sensitive, too caring. You must be a poofter, *** etc. this hurt me deeply and I became so ashamed. If I ever (for example) see a good looking guy, I would bury those thoughts and feelings so deep down and hoped they'd never ever surface. So I met this great girl, who I loved spending time with, going out with and always having such great times. Without having to think very hard, I travelled that path. Marry and start a family. This is what I must do for myself and my friends (and thought I wanted to do, more than anything). But sadly as the years progressed, my true feelings and my true self could no longer be suppressed. During the last 4 or 5 years of our marriage, I became severely depressed, just could not understand what was happening to me and why????. The turning point for me was having my 15 year old son find me naked on the bathroom floor, semi conscious after overdosing on Valium. It was then I started to seek help. I see now that this was my cry for help, my cry to be the person I was born to be. But I still kept saying to myself "I can not leave, what about my kids? My wife did not work, how would she survive?" For obvious reasons, our marriage was on a fast downward spiral. My wife actually asked me a few times during the last 12 months, "are you Gay? If you are, it's fine. We will always be best friends" I denied it each time, for me all of those schoolyard bullying, name calling and shame etc just came flooding back! So due to the fact that we were making each other totally miserable, I left. I slept and lived in my car for several weeks, driving past our house and seeing the lights on, crying and sobbing uncontrollabley. Jumping ahead 6 months, I started to get my "****" together. Got my own place to rent and met this fantastic guy at a club. 4 months after this, he moved in with me. When my wife discovered this, she was SO happy for me and we even joked and laughed about it. I week later, it all changed. Her embarrassment, shame and hurt hit her big time. She was screaming at me. " You wasted my life" all I could do was cry also saying that I was so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. That was nearly 3 years ago now. I'm still with the same guy and very much in love and finally true to myself, as if such a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Unfortunately things got bad to worse (and beyond) with my wife. She has turned all my children against me and has become the nastiest person I have ever known or heard of. So what I wish for you to understand is NOT to blame yourself. It's is not your fault and it is not his fault! It is just unfortunately one of those complex learning curves that do hurt and cut you to the bone, but as they say, life goes on, make the most of it, life is WAY too short!!!! Take Care, Mic Xxx
I haven't been in your shoes, however, someone in my family has. My aunt got pregnant at 17 and married to legitimize their daughter. After two years, her husband came out as gay and they divorced. She then married her second husband and had two kids, and things were fine for 11 years, until about 5 years ago. They announced that they were divorcing, my aunt was now in a committed relationship with another woman, that they were moving to Florida...with my younger cousin. That sent shockwaves through my family, but in the end, we all see now that it was the best thing for both my aunt and cousin. I've never seen her that happy, and my cousin is really close with his second mom. My older cousin didn't take it real well at first, but things are fine now.
