1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do you deal with the pressure to be straight?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Just Jess, Jun 8, 2013.

  1. Just Jess

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1,237
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver
    So I'm sure every single person reading this has felt a lot of pressure to just go back to a straight life or even living a lie at some point.

    What are some of the things you do when the pressure from swimming upstream all the time gets too bad?
     
  2. evora

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    528
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Central/Eastern Europe
    I self harm and make myself sick. But please don't do what I do, I'm sure there are better ways to deal with it, I just haven't found them yet.
     
  3. Argentwing

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    ^^Come here and revel in non-straightness? Whenever I'm away from the pressures for straightness, I tend to sort of rebound and go more towards the gay side, even though I sort of have "straight privilege" as a bi guy in a straight relationship. In general conversation though, sexuality never even comes out. People just are who they are, so I can honestly say I don't really feel backlash even from the people I'm out to.
     
  4. Dublin Boy

    Dublin Boy Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    1,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Come here & be myself :slight_smile:
     
  5. Bolin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2011
    Messages:
    4,335
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Carolina
    I used to just bottle up all my emotions, which was unhealthy. I would also pretend to be straight, which is also unhealthy. Now, I don't do either of those since the pressure to be straight doesn't affect me at all anymore, and being honest with my friends and true to myself has helped deal with the effects of the past pressure that was on me. I don't even pretend to be straight, and I've stopped feigning interest in women. I don't say that I'm gay, either, but that's just because I live with mom, who is a religious nutso. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  6. AKTodd

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2013
    Messages:
    3,190
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Norfolk, VA
    Well.. To be honest, no. I've never felt any particular pressure to be straight.

    I've had one or two co-workers try to apply pressure (I guess you could call trying to talk me into being straight or going in for reparative therapy pressure) at times in the past (one way back in college, one who reported to me some years ago). I just laughed in their faces and told them that wasn't going to happen in a manner that caused them some degree of distress. The first one got over it and he and I got along better than ever. The second was very unhappy for a bit but got over it, or at least learned to hide it since I was his boss and what other choice did he have?

    I spent a good chunk of my childhood and teen years (call it most of a decade) being pressured to conform with the 'norms' of my peers and neighbors. Not in terms of sexual orientation but various other things. I never did and they all failed and these days anyone who tries to pressure me (in a situation where I actually care) generally comes to regret it pretty damn fast.

    Todd
     
  7. GayTeen

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2013
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    This is exactly why I joined EC! It makes me a happier person! :icon_bigg
     
  8. Dans le placard

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2013
    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    England
    Just tell yourself this: it's your life and nobody at the end of the day should dictate what you can and can't do unless it's going to put you or anyone else at risk (and since being gay/trans won't kill you, nor is it illegal in the Western world, then don't worry!).

    That, and spend all your Internet time coming on here, and dance by yourself to ultra happy music! :wink:
     
  9. jokesonyou

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2013
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I revel in adversity, for that is where I draw my strength.
    Really though, you've nothing to prove to anyone but yourself! I was really depressed when I decided I was bi knowing my life wouldn't be any easier for the fact. But there's always people to help pull you along if you get tired! Never give up!
    When I get stressed, I listen to music and design costumes, helps me focus on other things.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jun 2013 at 01:43 PM ----------

    There are indeed better things :grin: music is always an outlet, whether it be creating it or listening to it. I still have a burn mark from my attempt at self harm. I decided that hurting myself is no way to relieve my stress. Be creative, make something, and pride yourself in being strong enough to accept who you are.
     
  10. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    I usually employ the words "fuck" and "off", and I go do internet stuff.
     
  11. Martjain

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2013
    Messages:
    296
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Buenos Aires, Argentina
    Yup, it's awesome to have a place for connection with the LGBT community :slight_smile:

    But generally when some straight-douchy guy acts this way, I reply, depending on the mood, nicely, respectfully, or mention his mom <among other things.
     
  12. ForgottenRose

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2012
    Messages:
    756
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Louisiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Not 'pressured' as much as I want to. Guys just piss me off way too much, while girls never make me mad.

    I've never been pressured into it.
     
  13. biggayguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,082
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    I ate a lot of comfort food to numb my feelings. There were a couple of suicide attempts when the pressure to conform got to me.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jun 2013 at 08:16 PM ----------

    Now I'm in a better place.
     
  14. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    It was never my sexuality or gender that worried me- I was quick to accept myself- but it was my parents and my family and how they'd feel that worried. So I panicked, stuffed my face full of food, and imagined every worse case scenario while finding friends who understood what I was going through. It's really because of EC and everyone I've met that I've been able to accept my gender identity so thank you all, I'm grateful for it.
     
  15. YellowBird

    YellowBird Guest

    I have that pressure, except I have it to being completely lesbian. I'm completely okay with being a Homosexual, it's the fact that I can be romantically attracted to the opposite sex that bugs the hell out of me.

    I tend to deal with the pressure by surrounding myself with people that accept me and if that is not an option I tend to mentally berate myself until I'm reaching for something that might be the equivalency of "life alert". heh
     
  16. leer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2012
    Messages:
    1,785
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    grt Manchester
    when i was in school i was under allot of pressure to keep my feelings hidden nearly all my friends were a bit or allot homophobic and it scared the hell out of me if anyone found out but once i came out to mum & dad I grew more confident talking about it now am happy who i am . I agree places like EC is a grate place to come to where you wont be judged it a place where you can be yourself don't need to hide
     
  17. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Grant you, I don't feel much pressure to be straight, but I do experience pressure to be gender conforming.

    My response to that is to just get confrontational.

    Syster Adrian
     
  18. BornInTexas

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2013
    Messages:
    1,543
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Louisiana
    I eat a lot of junk food, which is bad.
     
  19. junglejulia

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2013
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stockholm
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    It's hard, but I'll try to think of my options, date guys = fit in, date girls = be happy, and then I do something that has nothing to do with being straight or gay, like go for a coffee with a friend or watch a horror movie...
     
  20. Ettina

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2012
    Messages:
    1,508
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, most of the pressure I get to be straight is from guys who think I'm pretty and are convinced they can cure asexuality by coming onto me strongly enough.

    My reaction tends to be utter panic, and then a knee-jerk protective response to get rid of the guy and never see him again. Fortunately, I've only ever had strangers come onto me, so avoiding them is easy. But I wish they didn't bug me in the first place, or at the very least could take no for an answer.

    Unfortunately, I tend to have a better bet at getting them to hear 'no' if I don't mention my orientation. I feel badly about it, because the guy probably thinks it's something wrong with him instead of realizing that even Johnny Depp wouldn't have a chance with me. But for some reason asexuality just does not seem to compute with people.