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If you discovered someone was cheating?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Hexagon, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. Hexagon

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    Yeah, what would you do if you discovered a friend was cheating?
    And what would you do if you discovered that the person you just had sex with was in a relationship with a friend?
    Are there any circumstances in which you'd have sex/a relationship with someone in a closed relationship?

    Just curious about people's attitudes towards cheating (in relationships, not exams).
     
  2. justjade

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    Although I've done it, I'm pretty against it. However, if I found out a friend of mine was cheating on his/her significant other, I'd probably just stay out of it. It's none of my business. Also, if I found out the person I just slept with was in a relationship with one of my friends, I'd positively shit myself. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself. I also don't think I'd sleep with or date someone who was in a closed relationship, or even an open one. I don't want to get caught up in people's shit, and I don't want to be compared to that person's partner. I've done all these things, but I wouldn't do them now. However, if I found out my husband was cheating on me, it would take some time, but I'd try to rebuild the trust in the relationship. I'd make sure to get us into marriage counseling to see if it's something I'm doing wrong. I love him, and I want him to be happy, and if I'm not doing that for him, we've either got to adjust our actions/expectations, or it's time to move on.
     
  3. unity

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    I had a friend who was cheating on his wife with a mutual colleage. I asked him to stop the cheating. In my opinion you don't cheat. You finish a relationship before starting a new one. My mother cheated with my fathers best friend and I was so angry that I refused to see and talk to my mother for 10 years (now everything is ok).

    I can say for sure that I would never cheat. As I do not drink or do drugs I have no excuse to cheat. Its not worth the risk loosing the one you love by cheating. when unhappy in your relationship. Work on it (relation therapy worked for me) or end the relationship.
     
  4. BornInTexas

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    If a friend of mine was cheating, and I knew it, I would stay out of it. It's their relationship, not mine.

    If the person I just slept with had a relationship with a friend that I just found out about, I would, first, cry because by now I could consider myself a terrible friend for not knowing. Then I would try and gather my already frazzled nerves and spit them out to my friend and see if she/he will forgive me. It isn't fair to betray your friend, no matter how unknowingly, then find out and keep it a secret. If she/he says "Fuck you, you're not my friend." Fine. I wouldn't want to be a friend of me after that, either.

    I never want to have sex/date someone in a closed relationship. It isn't fair to the other partner who might/might not know what's going on. I wouldn't stay with the cheater, if the wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend found out, either. If a cheater does it once, he/she is bound to do it again.
     
  5. photoguy93

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    This is definitely a slippery slope. I've seen a lot of different scenarios with my friends.

    Here's what I would do...

    If a friend was cheating, I'd just let them do it but I would still tell them how disappointed I was.

    Now, if I caught a friends bf/gf cheating, it gets tricky.... If I had solid, credible and believable truth, I'd tell my friend. Until that moment, I'd have to let everything figure itself out. Even at that, people don't want to believe what they don't want to believe.
     
  6. Gen

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    My thoughts exactly. :l
     
  7. castle walls

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    Great topic!

    If I found out my friend was cheating this would be one of those none of my business scenarios. I would tell my friend that I don't think it is a good idea and try to talk to them because I think that is my job as their friend to tell them when it looks like they're headed for trouble but I wouldn't push the issue. I wouldn't lecture them or anything along those lines. It is none of my business. If they want to cheat that is their choice.

    Now if my friend was the one being cheated on, then I feel that it is my job as a friend to make sure they find out. This is one of the few times I'd get involved in something that has nothing to do with me.

    If I found out that I had inadvertently had sex with my friend's bf/gf, I would feel awful. I would tell my friend about what happened and apologize.

    I won't become sexually involved with someone that is in a closed relationship. I don't think that is right and it is bound to end badly for everyone involved.

    TL;DR:I am not the ethics or morality police. It is not my job to go around telling people what they should and should not do. Unless I become involved personally, another person's relationship is none of my business
     
  8. Aussie792

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    I don't like the attitude of "stay out of their relationship". If somebody is cheating, their partner needs to know about it. If I ever had sex with someone inside a relationship, I would feel very guilty, and would probably confess (a one-off can be forgiven) to their partner.
     
  9. PurpleRain

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    I would never cheat under any circumstance or promote someone else's cheating. If I found out about a friend cheating, then I would stay out of it but definitely cut back on my contact with them. If I found out someone was cheating on me (which I strongly suspect that my ex was)... I would be absolutely devastated. I'm already really sensitive and self-loathing so I would be in a really bad state.
     
  10. biggayguy

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    I would not want to get in the middle of their relationship; especially if they were both my friends. If someone asked me if their partner was cheating; I would have to tell them that I think so but hope I'm wrong.
     
  11. SimplyJay

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    I myself would never cheat for any reason, and would expect the same in return.

    If I found out someone was cheating on me it would without a doubt be the end of the relationship. I would be completely heartbroken & devastated (just even thinking about such gives a bad feeling inside). But also I'm not normally a violent person or anything, but have a bit of a temper...If they somehow got me passed that point of angriness (which takes allot)...their best option would be to run :eek:

    Its probably best that I've never dated LOL

    If I found out about a friend cheating of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife (whichever the case was)...I think I'd have to avoid that friend.
     
  12. Tiny Catastrophe

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    See I never saw the point in cheating. Clearly you don't love the person you're with if you're looking for someone else to sleep with or be in a relationship with so why not just be single? And I can't see anyone truly loving someone and than sleeping with someone else. That's not love. It just never made any sense to me. Either work on the relationship you're in or end it.
     
  13. Minx

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    If I found out a friend was cheating? I probably wouldn't say anything. It's not my business, I cannot be someone else's conscious. I would definitely see them in a different light though. Now, if I was actually close to their partner, I would definitely say something, but I would give my friend the opportunity to confess on their own.

    If I was romantically intimate with someone and found out they were in a relationship with a friend... I would beat myself up over it for 10 minutes before calling my friend and telling them what happened.

    There isn't really a circumstance nowadays where I would ever have a relationship with someone already in a closed partnership. (Maybe, if they worked undercover as a spy or as an agent and they were in a relationship as cover, or if they were terminally ill and I had deep feelings. I can only envision bending my ethics over life or death circumstances, stuff like that.) If I was in love with the person in question, I would bury my feelings, probably hide them forever until they were single for awhile. :slight_smile:

    Conversely, when I was a lot younger. (Around 16 yrs old.) I was dating someone who was already in a relationship. It is something that I will never repeat, ever. The romantic affection and passionate feelings just aren't worth the guilt, the shame, or the paranoia. :3
     
  14. Ettina

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    If my friend was cheating, I probably would drop them as a friend because I would lose all respect for them.

    If my friend was being cheated on, I would tell them, so they don't get tricked any further. Yeah, it'll hurt, but it'll hurt more the closer the relationship becomes, so better to let them know as early as possible.

    It's unlikely that I'd ever unintentionally cheat, because I'm not interested in romance, but if I ever did find myself in that situation, I would tell the person I cheated on, apologizing profusely and making it very clear that if I had known the two of them were involved I would not have done it. I think they deserve to know that their partner tricked someone into cheating with them, and I wouldn't be able to keep that kind of thing a secret anyway.

    I would never, ever intentionally cheat on someone.
     
  15. Bolin

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    If I were being cheated on, I'd want my friend to tell me. There's a difference between being a friend and being a true friend. A friend will simply try to keep you immediately happy. A true friend will look for out for your future happiness and will tell you things you may not want to hear but need to hear because they love and respect you. Naturally, I wouldn't be happy hearing about it, but given my strong sense of loyalty, I'd be forever grateful to that friend and treasure him or her for looking out for me.

    On the flip side, if I were the one who found it out, I'd mention it to the friend, but in a more casual way, I guess. "Hey, so...I saw Blank with a girl at the coffee shop on Saturday and they seemed really close. Just wondering if you knew anything about."
     
  16. AwesomGaytheist

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    If my boyfriend was cheating on me, I'd just be devastated. This is someone that I loved, the first person I've ever loved, and for him to betray me like that...

    I don't think it will happen, but if it did, I'm out.
     
  17. Tightrope

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    It's totally case-by-case. There's no way of knowing the right way to handle it unless you're there and have all the facts of the situation. The best thing, though not really, is to have someone walk in on someone cheating, that way no one else outside of those 3 people needs to get involved and point the finger. And merely suspecting one is cheating is not good enough to go tell someone. You need to know for sure.
     
  18. leer

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    if it was a mate I would try and stay out of it ,

    ---------- Post added 10th Jun 2013 at 10:00 PM ----------

    Try and stay out of it as much as possible . If I was cheated on things could turn nasty.
     
  19. Ettina

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    Oh, forgot one more scenario - if I got cheated on. Well, I would toss that person out, and probably vow off of romance of any kind ever again.
     
  20. samizer0313

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    If a friend was cheating, I would stay out of it.
    If a friend was cheating with someone I had sex with, I would end all communications with the friend and get out of the relationship with the other person. I have zero tolerance for cheating.
    And saying that, I wouldn't have sex with someone in a relationship even if it was an open relationship.