long weekendish period

[Lily]

Well....I think I'm found out...its been a hello long few days.
gay comments have been dropped around me so much this weekend(saturday night, sunday, monday and tuesdayare my weekend)...good and bad. And it was and is about to drive me nuts. Heres the one that basically made me start thinkin...I'm found out.
This weekend there was a big bike race in town lots of guys in spandex and some with funny helmets. But still LOTS of spandex...brave men I'm tellin ya! My Dad decided that he would make the comment that he thought all of these guys were gay because of how they were dressed. And he only said it when I was around...directly to me in fact. Like I would know...or care. Its not my business...but I know how my dad is about things how he talks. So I kept a cool face (tried too) and I mumbled off some crap. Then it became my stepsisters turn...she was talking about guys a lot this weekend and asking me this and that...and its not easy to shrug off the only person your talking too....sheesh. There were other comments as well but...I don't even want to go there. But I didn't say much of anything to tip them off. I just hope they don't become blood hounds.

Yep its been a long weekend. I'm happy for work tomorrow...but not really its boring as all hell. I'm in it for the pay check I'm not gonna lie.

Well what do you guys think? In all honesty whats your opinion?

[ccdd]

Do your dad and others usually make comments about gay people? As in, if this is an extremely rare occurance for it to be discussed, and it keeps coming up, you may well be right.

What other comments were made? I'm just wondering, because the one you write *could* just be a circumstantial comment, although I think that because you know them more, if you think that homosexuality is coming up extraordinarily often, then it probably is.

Did lesbianism come up? Or did homosexuality come up spontaneously? Did your step-sister keep on asking you about your relationship status? It sounds like they may well be sounding you out, to be honest.

Although, a word of caution - don't come out prematurely if you think you may be wrong (unless you want to come out anyway). Sometimes I have wondered if my mum knew - we had one weekend where homosexuality kept on coming up - but I'm not sure, although what I do know is that I want her to guess, rather than me tell her.

I hope your day at work goes quickly! But it would be useful to know what else has been said, although ultimately you know your family better than I do! Would it make a difference to you if they did know? How could they know? Would it be speculative or concrete do you think? Would it make you come out to them? (ok, enough with my questions...). The problem comes if they ask you directly, I think, because then you have to come out, deny, or somehow evade (if possible).

[Lily]

Well it was actually rather spontaneous. Homosexuality never comes into conversation in our house...it just doesn't. Not bad not good...it just isn't talked about. Nothing much was really said (sad thing is I was too shocked to really remember what was said at that moment) But the other things were basically like what do you think about this guy and that guy. And then there was the...do you think that guy over there is gay? I said no and then I told her he had dated two of my friends and then she asked me what I thought about him. I said he's not my type and scrunched up my face thinking about how disgusting that would be. (you would have to know him). Just other comments that you would hear every day I suppose. It was just really annoying like they were testing me. Ya know? (I still wonder though) I won't crack...atleast I hope not. I just...I'm not ready to come out yet. Some days I'm about ready to scream it to the world and other days...I want it to stay hidden until...well for a very long time.
But the thing is...I don't have a problem telling people online and things...hence this place. But...for people who know me face to face I'm just not ready. Especially in this town where everyone knows everyone. Ya know? And I hate to say it like that. Its kinda like yeah the whole world can know...accept for the people I know. Thats why I want to leave so bad. And I have no idea why its like that for me. But its like a friend of a friend said...you choose how out you want to be to the world...even your family and friends. Which at the time I had raised my eyebrow. But now it makes perfect sense. (Because at the time I thought...if your out your out and thats that. End of story) But now...I understand it better.

I think out side of the big...they will most likely disown me part...if they don't disown me I don't want them to look at me like a disease or a parasite in the gutter. And I don't want to put up with their jokes...the kind that just irratate the hell out of you but on some level make you uncomfortable in who you are.

Which I guess is why I posted. Outside of to see what everyone else thought. And thank you ccdd I did have a pretty good day today. I hope you have a really great day tomorrow! With lots of sun and a nice breeze! Unless you like cloudy and rainy...I'm baking for a bakesale. So tomorrow should be fun!