:bang: :bang::bang::bang: So... I have had some issues with education in the past. Its not that I lack the intelligence to do well. But a mixture of bullying, gender dysphoria and severe depression ended up with me spending more time faking illness or skiving off school than I actually spent in it. For this reason, my GCSE results were not as high as they could have been, but they were above average, and higher than I need to get into college or to work. So after my GCSEs, I went to a college. Since I didn't have my papers sorted out, they administration and teachers were aware I was transgender. They never told the students, but I felt discriminated against. Things didn't go well. I left after a few months. My parents were not pleased. I attempted to leave with their permission, and when they refused to cooperate, I quit the school anyway. (note that I was of a legal age where I could make these decisions independently). I was given a few months, uh, "freedom", in which they were expecting me to involve myself in activities to "cure" my supposed autism. (I don't believe I have autism, upon discussing that with a few therapists specialized in the area they agreed.) As any teenager would have done, I completely ignored them and spent the summer as I usually do. Come july. My parents restarted their whining and nagging, and wanted me to enroll in another school starting september. I eventually complied and submitted an application. They asked for an interview, and I went to shut my parents up. You can see how this is going - eventually I started in september. Now I'm sure the school was nice. But it was two hours bus journey away from me, and I was a) reluctant to go in the first place b) constantly low on sleep and c) my only friend was an ultra-fundamentalist christian homophobe, a fact I only discovered a few weeks into our friendship. I was also having attendance and motivation issues, as I have all my life. So six weeks in, I started to consider dropping out. My mind was ultimately made up when I discovered that my parents had informed the school I was trans, even though this time I had all my papers so it wasn't necessarily. I'd explicitly told them not to do this, and they'd agreed not to. It wasn't the first time they'd done this, see the bullying thread if you want details. So I left, and my parents lost my trust. Later that year, they tried again. They found some stupid school which was willing to accept me late in the year. I went, I panicked, I went home later that day and never went back. Then they coerced me into enrolling onto some stupid online a level course, which I was to study all alone. No one was surprised when I didn't do it. Except my parents, for some reason. I think it has been established that I don't do well when forced into these things. Now, I'd scheduled for top surgery in early october at the earliest. I've started getting back pain from my binder, so I can't go out much. My parents want me to start college yet again. Apart from it being completely impractical to take a few weeks off in the beginning of the year, ITS HAPPENING AGAIN. My parents are trying to control my life, and I just can't stand it. I went to the cinema today, and when my father picked me up, he spent the entire ride back telling me what a failure I was for not being in college. Then he had the nerve to ask me why I wouldn't talk about it to him. He asked me what I planned to do after my top surgery. I told him that if he said one more word about it, I'd leave after the surgery. I've been considering leaving afterwards for a while. But if I actually tell my parents that, they won't pay for the surgery, and it will take me about three years to get it done for free (see back pain section, I can't wait that long). Now I realize that I have to consider my future. Though its possible for me to live without getting a job, I don't want to do that. I will go on benefits if I have to until I can support myself financially, but it shouldn't be a permanent arrangement. So I may well go back into education at some point. But I do not need someone else do dictate the terms of that. Perhaps more significantly, it doesn't work if someone tries to dictate the terms of that. I'm in constant conflict with my parents. I just want to escape them, but I can't because my surgery is in the balance. I don't know how much longer I can last. I get the feeling that they're trying to prevent me from becoming independent. They cancelled my moped license so I can't drive anywhere. They won't give me money for public transport (and I don't have any of my own). They insist that I can't take care of myself, despite the fact that I've proven otherwise. And if they are trying to hold onto me, they are doing a very poor job, because the more they do this, the more it makes it likely that I'll leave and never come back. You may suggest I get a job. I've been trying. There aren't many out there. My parent's restrictions on travel, as well as my binding issues, make this pretty much impossible. But what pisses me off is the way they are behaving about employment themselves. They are both unemployed, but ineligible for benefits because they have FUCKING MASSIVE SAVINGS. They're finding that since they last removed their heads from their asses, they world has moved on, and will no longer offer them jobs with money they like. So they're refusing apply for the sorts of jobs they could get, because they consider themselves to be above then. And then they have the nerve to behave as if they're being abandoned by the state (which certainly does abandon people, just not them), that everyone is out to get them, that they have money problems completely out of their control. Lastly, I've come to the conclusion that I need to leave, sooner or later. I have an unfortunate past, which I need to leave behind. My relationship with my parents has never been healthy, and I have no strong feelings for them. I do feel, however, that they are holding me back. I need to start over. So yeah, the above constitutes about 15% of my problems. If you read this far, I'm guessing you need a job too. But thanks.
I know how you feel, Hex. My dad is trapped in a job he hates and so he comes home and bitches and moans all night. My dad is incredibly rude and condescending and has a nasty temper. My brother is autistic and has all sorts of behavioral problems. He call my mom a bitch, whore, fatass, and worse. He hits and bites when he doesn't get his way. He has an incredibly high voice, and is just evil on so many levels. And then there's me. I'm pretty much seen and not heard. The only talking I do in my house is to my dogs, because they're the only ones that show me any love. But I have Brendan who loves me and I love him so damn much. But there's one thing I just can't forgive my dad for, and that's the fact that while my cousin was raping me in my own bed, my dad just sat there in the living room 15 steps away watching the History Channel.
Hex, what interests you? I know for myself, the largest motivator to school attendance is taking something you are interested in, or developing an idea of what you might like to do in your life. While I don't understand the educational system of where you live, since GCSEs aren't used in Canada, I'm not sure if that's the same as picking a major, or if you are still in a generalized educational setting prior to university. However I do think your surgery takes priority, and perhaps it's best not to worry about the next step until after that's complete. While I don't know your parents, they shouldn't harass you about job/school until you have recovered from your surgery. As far as school is concerned, would it be possible to go to one that is nowhere near where your parents are? I remember as a teenager myself awhile ago, that parental interference is a horrible thing. While it isn't your parents place to be informing the school about your personal identity, if the school were any proper place of professionalism, they should respond to your parents with, "...and what's your point?". Are there such things as student loans where you live? If there is, then I would suggest applying for a school far away from your parents (after the surgery), get your student loans, and sever the ties with your parents temporarily.
I don't know exaculty what your situation is. However I think that in the end they are only trying to help you. You should find something that you want to do and if you presue it I'm sure your parents will let you get on with it. I don't know if your just wanting to do nothing but thats probably why they are trying to push you into college if that is true. Just remember that the worlds a nasty place (you probably already know this) and that even though you sound like you need a break you won't get one. At some point your probably going to need to go to college and get some sort of degree. Good luck, I hope your top surgery goes well.
I know they are trying to help. And honestly, I'm not angry with them. I'm frustrated at the effect that they seem to have on me. I think if I weren't living at home, I'd be able to get on with my life. But to leave home, I'd either need to go onto unemployment or disability benefit, which would mean I couldn't be in education, as far as I know. Sorry, I'd forgotten some people here wouldn't have come across GCSEs and the like. GCSEs are usually taken at 16, and they are the end of compulsory education. College is 16-18.
