Long-Term Dating and Intelligence

Despite only having been in 1 relationship (it was for 2 years mind you... and with an older man, but I digress...)

I can definitely see what you mean.

I think, depending on the type of intelligence that 1 partner has... it may or may not be a problem

Personally, (Yeah, this sounds arrogant) I couldn't ever be with someone who wasn't on an intelligence level that was "lower" than mine significantly. Its not about academics in particular either as you said.

I think a vast difference can negatively affect a relationship, but more so if you are ... dare I say, the "higher" in the relationship.

Again personally xD if i was dating someone significantly smarter than me, I think I would love it because I love people who an intellectual challenge to communicate with :3 we could playfully argue about advanced math topics and physics and what not for fun then make out later lol

Anyway, I think if you are involved with someone of a "lower" intellectual capacity than yourself, as long as you are an open minded, accepting and understanding person, it need not be a problem.


On the topic of relating intelligence to world views, that may be a bit more close to home. By "lower" in regards to myself, I basically meant anyone who views the world in a certain way compared to me. It may be that they view the world in a very naive way, or in a very complex way, where as I accept it for its complexities and simplicities at the same time.. if you get what i mean? Its not game breaking for me, But I think it may come up often, and may lead to non-trivial types of arguments..


Im really not that experienced, only adding my 5 cents, so forgive me *bows*


Im also not sure how much people really think about this... Some people may simply think "He's hot, im hot, hes nice, im nice, lets do this!" While others might think "He'd be a great dad!" or whatever people think haha!

It might be a shallow concept to even consider someone's intelligence for a premise of availability... :eek:

 

I feel ya, dude. I have to applaud your caring toward the other person. I absolutely can't be with someone that's vastly less intelligent than I am. I've broken up with people over it, although I didn't tell them that was why. I swear, my ex-husband has got to be one of the most intolerably unintelligent people I've ever met in my life. One thing seriously drove me nuts was that he didn't believe me when I said that Bob is short for Robert. He just would not have it. He seriously thought people just up and named their kids Bob. I mean, statistically, it's not impossible that some people do, but it was a whole bunch of other things, too. And nonetheless, he lorded over me and was abusive.

But yeah, intelligence is a huge chunk of my potential mate criteria. Thankfully, the husband I have now is really intelligent. He teaches me things every day, and I'm so grateful for that. He's almost constantly enlightening me. He is so much more intelligent than I am, and yet, he doesn't hold it over my head. He might poke fun once in a while, but with his intelligence comes the wisdom not to hurt people. He is a gentle giant.

So, I guess, in conclusion, intelligence is great. It doesn't matter how devoted someone is to me. If I can't hold a conversation with them without stopping every time I want to use a long word and come up with something more simplistic, I can't date them. However, the person also has to have a good heart. I'm been with smart guys who are dicks, smart guys who are nice, dumb guys who are dicks, and dumb guys who are nice, and the sweet spot for me is the smart guys who are nice. That's where I am now.

 

I want someone who is reasonably intelligent. But more than that, I want someone who thinks. The smartest person in the world could never have a philosophical thought in their mind, and thats alright, but I probably wouldn't find them very engaging on a personal level. They don't have to have (all of) the same beliefs and interests as me, because learning new stuff is good. But I think a major part of any of my relationships would be intellectual discussion.

 

i enjoy debating with people about things that are important to me, so i would want to date someone who was reasonably intelligent. it doesn't necessarily have to be academic, but they would need some common sense.
i think it also depends on the person. if they were sensitive about our differences in intelligence it would make things awkward for both parties, but if they were OK with it, i would be more likely to not mind either.
if it was someone significantly more intelligent than me, i don't think i would mind as long as they don't act too superior, although i again think it would depend on the person.

 

I'm beginning to think I'm one of very few people in the world who doesn't include "intelligent" on a list of prerequisites when it comes to dating. I'm not too fussed about intelligence.

 

A person need not be intelligent to be attractive for me, as long as they are inquisitive and willing to learn about the world.

 

For me, intelligence is extremely important - put it this way, I've met literally hundreds of guys on The Gay Geolocation App That Cannot Be Named, and the only one I ever sincerely liked (coincidentally the one I'm dating now) is the most intelligent one so far. You know, 95% average in school, stuff like that. I'm a really opinionated person, so I like to have high-level discussions with people, and if they can't understand really abstract concepts, well it probably won't work out .

 

Intelligence is definitely important, but that particular asset, untamed by kindness, generosity, patience, pleasantness and consideration is no asset at all.

 

Intelligence is up there, far above six pack abs or a curvy hourglass figure. They don't have to be genius, but have enough brainpower to keep up with my interests and discussions. I'll immediately lose any attraction if someone turns out to be close-minded, prejudiced, arrogant, judgmental, or condescending in any way - a waste.

There are so many ideas on what makes a person intelligent, though, and combined with other traits I value in a person, like having a passion or constantly improving, there's really no limit to the possibilities. Just be curious and open-minded.

 

Basically this. ^

But yeah, intelligence is very important to me. I am an introvert who spends a lot of time considering the world and who is deeply involved in doing philosophy and if I can't talk about that to the very limits of my own understanding with my partner, I generally become unhappy and distance myself. I've done it with almost everyone I have dated, except for my current partner.

So, it's important for my partner to be able to keep up with me, but I don't mind if she's smarter.

 

I think the problem is that people mix intelligence and intelligent, with competence and, competent.

For instance

~Intelligence is something that everyone has. Intelligence is the ability to acquire and apply knowledge/information, which is what we all do on a daily basis. Regardless of level, the mind itself always exhibits intelligence.

~Intelligent is something that, by definition, can only be a characteristic very, very small fraction of society. Intelligent is an adjective to describe "having or showing intelligence at a high level". Its similar to calling someone fat; you can't call someone fat, unless there are those who are skinnier. Intelligent is essentially a comparative adjective, in the sense that they have to hold more intelligence than the other majority of society in order to be described as such.

~Competence and Competent is the state of being adequately or well qualified. This means that they can go through life, be successful, go to college, support their family, have great relationships etc.

We cannot all be intelligent. We can all be competent. Most people tend to have this idea that an intelligent person is someone who is not an idiot and doesn't make dumb decision. An intelligent person is simply someone that goes to college and does well. An intelligent person is the only type who can go through life being responsible and independent. None of this is true.

Intelligence is relative. Unless one of your requirements is that you are looking for one of the modern great minds of society. An intellect somewhere around the upper 5% of the population. You are not describing intelligence, and the vocabulary that you use to describe your tastes should be changed because it does matter. There are so many competent, talented, successful, amazing people in our society with learning disabilities, dyslexia, insecurities about their intelligence, etc; not to mention, the vast majority are simply average in intellect; far too many wonderful people for them to be pushed aside because they cannot adequately analysis Socrates or Plato. lol

 

^This! ^

 

Very well said indeed.

I'm rarely if ever attracted to people that aren't highly intelligent, it's not even a conscience thing smarts are just what gets my juices flowing. The time of inteligence doesn't even matter that much, I've found myself attracted to silver tongued, literature quoting poets and mathematicians who can rant passionately about set theory for hours... That intersection of passion and intelligence is the sweet spot for me.

 

+1 on that!

 

I think intelligence has it's role to play.

If I can't talk to someone I'm dating about stuff without having to stop at every other sentence to explain myself, than it probably won't work out. I like talking about random stuff, and I love my science even if I'm no scientist myself. I think finding a person who can understand you is best. You don't have to have the same IQ but I do think that you have be in range of each other because it generates a communication gap when two people of differing intelligence attempt a relationship.

It's also not the only important thing. Personality plays a much bigger role in my mind. If you're really smart but a complete jerk, I want nothing to do with you. Plain and simple. I'm not looking for douchbags I'm looking for kindred spirits. I can't even imagine being with someone I couldn't stand. I want someone who's just as willing as I would be to help a friend out. Though they can't be too friendly, you don't want someone who just opens their wallets until nothings left to give, because that means you're dating someone who isn't financially stable. So you like most things in life you have to find someone who's got a clear and defined balance between kindness and self-respect. ^.^

Back to intelligence though. For me as long as we can communicate effectively it's not too big a deal for me. I just need someone smart enough to keep pace with me so that way our ability to have a conversation isn't damaged by a communication gap.

 

Yay! Fellow 'Gifted' child!

Though from the sounds of it you did a lot better with the academics than I did. xD