Not wanting to be in the "gay community"

If you don't want to be involved with gay people, thats your choice. Personally, though, the LGBT community is the only place I've ever really felt at home. And I'd sure like to be able to kiss my boyfriend without anyone caring.

 

Much of that image is also caused by yourself. By making a big deal about it you only make it bigger.
Other than that you could discuss this with your significant other and maybe agree to spend less time at exclusively gay things.
What's your dislike specifically for all this?

 

I somewhat agree. It would be nice if LGBT people didn't need a community, but society sucks.

 

I can understand where youre coming but me personally, I dont know.....the LGBT community is like a home to me....because i know people like me who can relate to things i've been through.....although, it would be nice to not have to find people who support me just ONLINE ya know?

I'm not proud of my sexuality either and i can't talk about with people like me in person....just online. i wish i could be proud of it but i cant for some reason

 

IMO, pride is necessary because people try to make us ashamed. When people see it as being truly equal to any other sexuality, pride will be meaningless. Until then, I intend to continue going to pride parades.

 

So the plan is to go around and face heterosexism elsewhere? How romantic!

 

Exactly, why do you care that people realise you're gay, or see you at LGBT events/locations?
I'll be honest, I've only attended 1 gay pride parade in my life and visited 2 gay bars, but that's because those things simply do not interest me, so I don't go.

 

Well there aren't only LGBT communities, but there are also black, italian, jewish, chinese communities, etc. They exists, not because society sucks, but because people like to be around other people like them. Which doesn't mean that the doors are entirely closed off to other individuals, but that a certain communities are more "present" in a said area.

Your post somewhat reminded me of your other post in this thread.

It just seems that you can't let go of things, that your sexuality is still a pretty big deal to you and that you haven't fully accepted it. Which isn't to say that you should feel "pride" in being gay. I certainly don't feel any pride about it at all, but I certainly am not ashamed of it either. As far as I'm concerned it's simply one of the many things that defines me.

I don't see the issue with frequenting or not the gay areas. It's not an expression of "sticking to your own kind". Forget about what people might think when they see you in public, you might think they see you, but in reality they don't. Why? Because you're not important to them, you're just another stranger walking down the street. It's the same thing for you, why care about what they think? They're just strangers walking the streets, they are irrelevant to you. It's a losing battle against yourself.

edit: Just saw your post above, seems I was close.

 

I know it can be downright shit to be LGBT, but you're the one letting it hurt you (unless you're being physically abused). I know I'm not you, nor do I know anything about your life.
But, and I don't mean to attack you, this seems to be largely a case of internalised homophobia/lack of self-confidence and acceptance.

You know you're not 'the gay one' right? That your sexuality is merely a part of you, not the whole?
Why do you care what random idiots think of you? Be proud of who of you are (your entire individuality, not your sexuality specifically).

Concerning your boyfriend, if you don't love him, that's that. It happens, don't let it ruin your life by giving up on love though. Look at me, I'm as old as you, still a virgin and haven't had a date, much less a steady relationship in over 6 years.

I'm going to stop rambling now. Just don't give up, especially not on your own self.

 

personally, some of this LGBT stuff seems like exploitation. like gay cruises? really? why must their be segregation? perhaps someone saw a niche in the market to attract specific customers...fair enough gay communities (and LGBT forums like this) provide a safe shelter to those of us who may face difficulties in the outside world, but we must learn to integrate and win over the others!

 

I get this fully, it's not internalized homophobia it's not a lack of self confidence or that I haven't accepted myself. I just am not interested in the community or it's events. I NEVER want to be seen as "the gay one" I just want to be a guy. I'm not proud of being gay I just am.

I'm proud of other stuff I've done though stuff I've actually accomplished. I just don't want to have much to do with the gay community I like to hang out with friends, play music, hang out with my family and work on getting a job. Right now things are pretty perfect for me. This is how I want my life to be.

 

Like I said, I'm not interested in most gay exclusive things either, so I don't go there/do them.
But I don't see why people need to complain about those things, or worry about random idiots calling them the 'gay one'.
Why would you let such insecure people bother you?

 

I'm not complaining about the things the gay community does I think it's great for the people that want them. Just not for me.

However if I was "the gay one" of the group it seems like my sexuality is the only thing noticeable about me, which would really annoy me. The hypothetical person calling me that doesn't bother me I just don't want to be defined by something about myself that I don't care about.

 

It's not so much "segregation" as much as it is about the content of those cruises that determines whether it's a "gay cruise" or not. Bunch of man in their underwear dancing to music and screwing like bunnies afterwards tends to fit the "gay cruise".

But essentially, you're the only one defining yourself as "the gay one". If it really was a non-issue, there would be no reason to think of it this way.

 

For me, being gay is like loving sushis.

Am I proud of loving sushis? No.
Why would I be about being gay?

Am I ashamed of loving sushis? No.
Why would I be about being gay?

I don't have to go to Japan to eat sushis.
And I certainly don't have to go in gay bars, café, etc., to be who I am.

 

I would love to live in a gay community in a city, i could be around people who i can relate too making gay friends would be much easier and finding a boyfriend would be nice. Also gay events would be so nice. Living in a small town where everyone is straight and in and out of relationships and watching their life progress in front of you relationship wise. and your still single all these years does get depressing. One of my biggest goals is to move out of here and move somewhere gay friendly.