funny comebacks for homophobes

"The thought of two guys having sex, it just makes me sick!"

Well the thought of your fat ass plowing some chick doesn't get me off either.

 

The thought of a guy and a girl having sex, It just makes me sick!

I always do stuff like that. And it always works for me.

 

What do gay bartenders use as dildos? Chair legs.

At least they don't get queefed on

This was my response to a guy in my class

 

Homophobe: Adam and Eve, not Steve!
Me: Evolution, not devilapples.

 

Don't know how good this is

Dickhead: Hey mate. Your gay
You: Man there's a gay bar down the street why don't we go there.

Then run.

 

I usually insinuate that they're gay in some way. Whatever seems best at the time. Its up to them how they take it after all. Not like I consider it an insult.

 

Never been in this situation, but I guess I would say:

"You know, most homophobes are probably gay."

LOUDLY. :eusa_danc

 

Cishet: "Homosexuality is a choice. I could choose it if I wanted to."

Me: "Congrats, you're a bisexual in denial..."

or

Cishet dude: "Two girls kissing is gross."

Me: "You may want to rethink your orientation, because it's very common for straight guys to dig it..."

 

Anyone that quotes the bible as an argument against homosexuality:
Legolas, Lord of the Rings, Two Towers 2:12
"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

Accept Legolas as your one Savior, or you shall burn in Mordor. For one does not simply walk into there.

---------- Post added 19th Jun 2013 at 12:18 PM ----------

Or you could say: Sorry, you're not my type.

---------- Post added 19th Jun 2013 at 12:27 PM ----------

Damn, I used to have a word document full of funny responses to homophobes, but I seem to have accidently deleted it. :icon_sad:

 

The best I ever heard was from my mum's gay cousin when my uncle assumed he fancied him:
'I may like d:***:s, but unfortunately you are the wrong kind.'
My uncle's face was probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen :roflmao:

 

Oh, I had to share this one a friend told me:

"Priest, I think I may be gay.."
"Nope, just a demon. We blame demons so we don't have to blame ourselves. Excuse me for a moment while this demon takes over and makes me rape a little boy."

 

If someone said: Omg, your gay? Yuck.

I'd respond: Omg, your straight? Yuck.

 

I usually run my hand down their chest really slowly and that usually gets them to leave me alone...

No I'm joking. I don't have any smart responses.

 

H"You suck penis"
M"You shove wildly into vagina"

 

I'm not a very camp/effeminate person but when me or my friends encounter homophobia I become one. I just remember once someone came up to my gay friend and told him he should die. I took my friend by the hand and started walking away and over my shoulder said (In a much girlier voice than I have) "You first, sweetie!".

Another example was in a pub once and someone just stormed over to us and asked what is wrong with us. To which I replied "Right now, that mustache of yours. You look like Tom Selleck if he were inbred" Which was fun as it was a woman.

 

Just reverse it: ask why they care so much, imply that they're hiding something, tell them that straight people wouldn't put nearly so much time and energy into vilifying homosexuality. They almost always start grasping at straws, or make up some lame excuse, but at least then the focus is on them.

I was actually considering this a while back, how straight women can and do express disgust or disinterest in sexual acts between two men, but a guy who even implied he wasn't interested in the same acts between women would have his own sexuality questioned instead. Crazy world we live in.

 

[YOUTUBE]5Or2lSPtszo[/YOUTUBE]

 

That is brilliant!:roflmao:

 

"It was adam and eve not adam and steve"
"...actually it was adam and god before that..."