Which came first, love or attraction?

The one person that I have been in love with, I didn't fall in love with her until three years after I had already known her. She was really just a friend (and not even someone I was very close to) that I didn't think much of. Then, we gradually became very, very close, and as I started falling for her, she became more and more beautiful to me. Not to say that she wasn't beautiful to begin with—she was—but my attraction came to be as I came to love her.

Besides love, I've experienced what you're talking about on quite a few occasions. Even with friends, I've known some people who I didn't find attractive at all at first. But as I got to know them and see how great of a person they are, they actually became more physically attractive to me...not that I was physically attracted to them, but I saw them as better-looking in my eyes than I initially did.

 

Attraction. Sorry. Actually, there's nothing to apologize for. I think it's sort of standard for many. I've been turned down for not being someone's type and it's obvious when it happens. We move on.

 

Attraction. It's usually lust at first sight, not love. That's for me, anyway. Although, it does sound better to say love at first sight. ;P

 

I think it depends on how you define love, for me i barely notice what someone looks like, but i can become infactuated and therfore intensly attracted from a look. I only love after i've become truely close to someone and it doesn't leave... Like roots of a tree ;"P

 

I fell in love with my husband before I was actually sexually attracted to him. I fell for his personality first. The attraction came later. I was initially drawn to him, but I'm not sure I'd call that attraction. The first time we actually hung out and got to know each other, I knew that I wanted to marry him. I was fully committed to him, even though I barely knew him. I loved how dependable, kind, and intelligent he was (and still is). I'd have to say that marrying him is the best decision I've ever made in my life.

The truth is that anything is possible, especially in something as mutable and unpredictable as love.

 

Shamrockmut, if you're wondering if you should go for something with someone you like but don't really fancy - do it! It's completely possible to get physically attracted to someone later! (that's what i did with my current boyfriend - I have moments of attraction, moments of not, but I put up with that because he's so sweet XP)

 

Oh, my goodness! The same thing happened to me! Except mine was a few months.

 

I feel like they come at the same time for me. I suppose that's a good thing.

 

In love... no. I've grown to love them, and care for them very much, but for me the process of falling in love with someone is intertwined with developing an attraction of some sort to them. Without the attraction it is love, add attraction and you have the real potential for the love to move up a small but significant notch. Both can grow over time, but experience tells me it's not a gamble I'll take again.

 

In my early 20s , I was seeking random gay hookups but would daydream of straight family. Then one fine day , a new straight co-worker joined my office. He invoked a feeling of familiarity in me, As if I knew him from somewhere l but couldnt figure out from where .In fact I asked him if we knew each other. I would feel nice when he was around. Slowly I realised that I was in love. It was odd because I had no sexual feelings for him but the feeling of love was awesome. He was straight and married and yet I confessed my feeling to him who handled it in a very matured manner. I never had any sexual attractions but Love yes there was.

 

first comes attraction and then love always

 

I have fallen for someone that I wasn't initially physically attracted to. As I got to know the other person, I began to find the other person sexually attractive. This has happened to me more than once. In one situation, I ended up becoming attracted to a person that I initially found unattractive. This doesn't always happen to me though. It only happens in certain situations.

I believe that this is referred to as secondary sexual attraction. AVEN defines that as:

With all that being said, I think most people experience physical attraction first

 

I definitely have. Took me by surprise as I had never looked at her in that way. I think what it was, was that she wasn't maintaining her appearance when I first met her. Then one day I lost mah damn mind and fell madly in love. And she was gorgeous :love: I will always love that woman...

 

It's always been attraction at first, then love for me. I've been attracted to guys...until I discovered their true personality, and I just then saw them as a friend. Understand?

 

That basically described my sexual orientation as I've experienced it so far.
I've never been sexually attracted to a person, I wasn't romantically interested in before.
Hence why I don't quite get all the talk about hot guys 'n girls.
Sure I can see certain people are more aesthetically pleasing than others, but I've never experienced sexual attraction to a person on first sight or just because of how they look.

---------- Post added 24th Jun 2013 at 02:34 PM ----------

It seems easier to me.

 

I typically fall for someone's personality subconsciously, and then realize I like them. I don't find nearly anyone who lives near me or that i've ever met attractive in the sense of attractive to me. I can definitely point out when a girl or guy is attractive, but it doesn't mean im attracted to them.

Following that, When i fall for someone, its usually after a while before I'm awake one night and im like "Oh my gosh.. I like so and so... or I'm in love with so and so) Although i've had meetings where its like love @ first sight, those meetings never end up in me seeing them enough to confirm my feelings and i drift away from them in about 2 weeks time.

Once i fall for someone, I realize how they are physical attractive to me. Its in ways that I hadn't noticed before I love the feeling of realizing people are more attractive to me than I thought because it feels so genuine :3 Even if I get over someone, They are still attractive!

 

Oh well, I will always love personalities, actually. I meet most people online, so yeah... but the girl I'm currently in love with, let me think. I always liked her personality. Then she added me on facebook, so I was like "yeah, she's cute". Then, I loved her.

Yeah, pretty much attraction comes first, I guess. But it's kind of abstract, right?! Because I find some people who are attractive that they aren't the most beautiful, or anything like that. I guess personality is more important for me.

 

I think that most relationships function on an "attraction first, then love" type of thing. It's not bad at all, in fact it works. However, if you believe in "true love", then I think love has to come first. It's hard to find someone attractive, and somehow put up with their personality, be it amazing or not.

I think love at first sight might exist, but it's pretty rare. I've fallen in love with a friend I've known for years. After falling in love, she suddenly seem much more attractive, like the most beautiful person you know. I somehow find this important.

So I think in most cases attraction comes before, but for me it's usually love.