I'm a 18 year old male and about a month ago i was watching this video on YouTube and it had a transsexual on it so then i started to wonder what it looked like so i went and watched transsexual porn and got aroused and masturbated after that i started to think to myself if i was gay so i went and tried to watch gay porn and all it did was freaked me out before i would just think of women all day and think about having sex with them i mean i've been liking girls since i was 4 and now i keep getting these thoughts in my head about men and it scares me it's like i can't get these thought out of my head I've always been attracted to women and aroused by women it's like now i can't even be around my guy friends without thinking if im attracted to them it makes me so uncomfortable i feel like im going crazy im a really depressed person I've never gotten over things i always over think everything this just won't get out of my head it's really scaring me im still a virgin and i don't want my first time to be with a man all I've ever wanted was a wife and kids i just can't see myself with a man and i know some of you are going to say im in denial but how can i be in denial if I've never liked men nor have i ever wanted to be with men the more i think of this the more i start to get scared and believe it im afraid to go outside now i don't have anything against gay people i just don't think that is the life for me i feel like im losing my mind in the past I've thought about committing suicide because of depression and every time i try to think about losing my virginity to a women now i think to myself what if i don't like it these thoughts are really messing with my head and freaking me out I've never even been attracted to men all these thought are just making me depressed i still love women i just don't know what's going on with me i also think to myself what if i finally get married and have kids and these thoughts come back also when i was little like 8 year old me and another boy touched each other privates this makes me also depressed because i can't get that memory out of my head either alot of people are on yahoo answers said im bi curious but i don't really get that i mean how can i be bi curious if I've never had any desire to be with men and i don't now before i saw the transsexual porn i used to look at guys and just think of them as just guys nothing more now it's this constant thought of am i attracted to this guy because i am looking at him sure i've seen attractive guys but i never wanted to be with them i just wanted to be like them sometimes i calm down and know im straight because I've always been attracted to girls even before the incident happened when i was 8 I've never even pictured myself with a man and now i try and think of situations with men i never get an erection i just get this weird feeling i get scared in i just don't know what to do anymore i don't want to experiment and i don't want to be bi curious i just want to be me who i was before i saw transsexual porn i mean me liking girls felt natural the attraction felt natural all of it but these thought that i have now don't feel that way they just feel unnatural by the way i don't have anything against so am i just in denial of being gay or bi by the way i've just recently forced myself to masturbate to tranny porn again and i wasn't even turned on this time what does that mean i feel like i can't stop testing myself even when i try to think about a situation with a man it's just so weird but as with a women i have no problem it's like i force myself when i try and think of a situation with a man does that mean im indenial also ? By the way i don't have anything against homosexual or bisexual people so i am sincerely sorry if i've offended anyone here at EC
Hey there. First take a deep breath. Second, no need to post twice. I know you are worried, but we all have lives too. Being the weekend the responses tend to drop off a bit. I see others have responded to your thread so I think I'll respond over there.
