Wanting Children

How is it selfish to want children?

 

i was told ..i'm selfish for not wanting kids....but i call it money saving.

 

That's new to me. People usually call me selfish for not wanting to have children.

 

I would love to have kids. It's not selfish at all if you want kids. Besides, your kids will be LGBT supporters right from the start.

 

I might adopt one day. but just one, I don't wanna be TOO broke from kids.

 

I think I'd eventually like to have children. That said, I sometimes feel guilty about having children with my DNA, even if it's through surrogacy, because I feel I am helping to overpopulate this planet. I would feel more comfortable adopting a child since I would be taking in someone who doesn't have a loving family; unfortunately, at my maturity level, I feel inadequate to adopt in the foreseeable future because I don't think I could love an adopted child with the same fervor as someone who is a product of me. For that, I am deeply confused and don't know what to do. The thing is, if I was straight, I doubt I would have this problem because it is so "natural" for heterosexual couples to conceive whilst gay couples must jump through so many hoops to get the same result. Plus, if I were to be in a relationship (or hopefully, married) only one of us would get to contribute genetic material for each child. Perhaps, in a few years, I'll have the wisdom to reanalyze this topic through different lenses.

But, in general, I don't view it as selfish for others to want children. I think it's a rather natural and biological desire, almost evolutionary; it is the innate desire to continue to propagate the species (even if it's caring for a young one who is not even your own biological child). It is also natural to want to give and receive love and affection in a paternal/maternal manner.

 

I can see the logic in saying that wanting children is selfish, but I'm undecided on whether I agree with it or not.

Our world is facing massive overpopulation problems; adding more mouths to feed, especially in a developed country where any single person consumes as much as many people in a developing country, will only worsen the resource shortages we are beginning to face. There are also already countless children even within your own country (whether that country is the US, England, Canada, Australia, or wherever) that need homes.

On the other hand, having children is such a basic desire for many people that telling them they can't have any wouldn't be any better than saying they can't ever pursue a romantic relationship or have friends. Depriving people of the right to have children is also a way of furthering oppression. It's no coincidence that the people most often chastised for having too many children are those already marginalized by society.

My official position is that if you can afford to think ahead and plan out when and whether you have children, you should take the things I mentioned into consideration. Meanwhile, the government should focus on education, and in general our culture needs to stop glorifying parenthood as being better than childlessness. Hopefully we'll get resource distribution sorted out before things get too bad.

 

I don't want kids for a variety of reasons. I don't like babies, and I don't like children, so why would I want one?

 

You have articulated exactly what I've been feeling in regards to kids. I do find I connect with men more than women, most of the time, but my family (dad specifically) continually pressures me into hetero relationships with the line of, "well don't you want kids someday?"

 

Definitely not selfish to want to have children, ESPECIALLY if you go through adoption. Giving those children a happy home, while also getting the joy and journey of parenthood-how is that selfish by any means?

 

Erm. I do want my own kid someday. I'm just gonna adopt.

And I will have multiple classes of kids for several months (yay teaching!!)

To the post at hand: I do not think having a child is selfish. However, if the only reason you want to have a kid is to have a kid (if that makes sense) then yes it is selfish IMO. That's also pretty much why it irks me when parents want grandchildren just for the sake of having grandchildren.

 

I want maybe 1-2 children. That's my limit. I'd actually feel bad for NOT wanting to have kids (now THAT'S selfish)

 

Don't care if it is seen as selfish one day. I want kids in all the ways I can legally get them. I like the idea of big families, so I'd like to have no less than 4, but no more than 7, maybe 8 if there's room/money/energy left in me and my love. Most of them, probably all will be adopted and not all from baby age. I'd actually prefer older kids, so I could just start talking to them right away and they already know how to use the bathroom on their own. If my lady wants to she can carry a kid, but I certainly won't because I don't want hemorrhoids. Being pregnant seems like a strange, cool experience that in theory I'd love to try out, but if there's no guarantee I won't get a boil on my butthole, then I won't do it. Can't take that chance. I have enough ailments. Honestly, I don't even think I can have kids the ole fashioned way. I've never been to a vagina doctor, but my equipment hasn't operated in over a year, so I'm guessing something broke down in there. Doesn't matter really, I like adoption the best.

 

I'd actually think it's selfish not to want to have kids, and here's why:

Those kids are wondering day after day after day, month after month, year after year if someone's going to bring them into a close family home and relationship, where there is more love than they have ever experienced. Denying those kids that kind of love is pretty cruel, in my book. The kids that don't get picked will wonder why and they might change their attitude based on that, so that when it's their turn again, they can be picked.

Also, it proves to everyone that a family isn't just "best with a mommy and daddy" and thus would be a huge step toward the equal rights for all humans.

However: I would hold back on the kids thing until you're ready. Unless you can give them the love that they deserve and the love that they need, anything less would be cruel to both you and the kid.

 

Yeah, I totally think it's selfish. Especially when people go out of the way to have children through surrogacy, just to pass on their genes. I've heard more than a few people who can't "naturally" have children (or are just discussing adoption at the time) say that they just wouldn't love an adopted child the same as their "own".
If you ask anyone why they want to have kids (have as in, actually reproduce), their answers are always vague or truly selfish (in essence, having the child for yourself).

Selfish as it is, I don't think it's wrong though, and people are free to be parents if they want, I'd never ask anyone not to reproduce.

I do quietly judge anyone who plans to have more than two, since there's no need to go above the replacement ratio, especially in highly developed countries that consume so many resources per person already. Just thinking about all the people who diaper their babies in disposables, and all that highly undegradable waste sitting in a landfill somewhere, really bothers me.

 

How can a natural biological need be something selfish? A lot of us feel that we want children, it`s in our biology and doesn`t just evaporate just because we are LGBT. Some don`t, which is also fine. But children are to some of us something enriching, something previous, a gift really. And studies show children of LGBT parents are not more likely to be bullied than any other kids, bullying has always and I think, always will be a problem, because people always find an excuse for it, whether the child is tall, short, thin, overweight, dumb, smart, etc. There`ll always be something he/she can be picked on for. I was bullied, my GF was bullied. She for being smart and Asian, me for being small and the always the new kid. It was just excuses, but still. So, that reason is BS.

Studies show children with LGBT parents often become more tolerant, accepting, emphatic people, girls tend to become tougher, boys have less behavioral problems. So, if the studies show the kids turn out better than fine, what`s selfish about it? Sure, there are a lot of kids out there who needs loving parents, and I am very for adoption, if some countries didn`t make it so damned hard :dry:

I guess if I could choose adoption, I would have rather done that, than have biological kids, because I would like to be able to give some lonely and wounded child somewhere a home. But I don`t consider either alternative selfish in any way.

 

well to have children is a god given gift, i would advice you to go ahead and enjoy your love life and be a great and doting loving father to your children

 

I don't think it's selfish to want to have kids... And neither is it selfish to not want kids.

And I'm having mine through a surrogate.

 

Its not selfish to want kids. You do realise the creationists are having more kids than us?

Half-joking aside, have kids or don't have kids. It doesn't matter. There are many ways of contributing to the world. If you do have kids, do them a a favor and make sure you can provide for them and teach them to be good. That means not having too many, and having them at the right time in your life.