Today, June 25th, at 2pm Eastern time, I go to the interview for my old job. I am quite nervous. I keep asking myself, "What happens if they don't rehire me?" I guess it won't be the end of the world (obviously), but I'd be lucky to see my name on the schedule any time soon at my current job. Business hasn't been good, so they've been having to cut people's hours, and since I'm the newest person there, my hours go first. At my old job (the one before I was an insurance agent for two weeks), I got hours like crazy. I was one of the most reliable people there, and I did my job well. In fact, at one point, I was in training to be a manager. The truth is, I don't even know why I'm so nervous. I just am, I guess. It's probably just a feeling. And I've only been at my current job for about 3 months. I hate to quit before I give it a fair shake, but I've got to make money. Maybe I'm nervous because I'm kind of different now. I haven't worked there in almost 6 months. I've become a lot more expressive of my gender identity. When I went in today to get an application to bring to the open interviews tomorrow, I was wearing cargo shorts and a black t-shirt and wasn't carrying a purse, and one of my old coworkers (an ex, actually) asked me if I was a lesbian. He asked jokingly and has almost intermittent episodes of word vomit, but it got me thinking. Almost everyone I used to work with at that place is no longer there. What if I have to face all these people I've never worked with before....like this? At the people that I used to work with there were pretty accepting of me. I may at some point, find myself a target of harassment? Or worse, what if they don't rehire me because of my newly acquired gender expression? What if something as simple as the way I dress outside of work keeps me from getting jobs elsewhere? I'm finding myself at this moment at odds with my worst enemy: My own thoughts. My heart is pounding in my chest. I feel sick. I'm anxious. However, I do think that I'm taking what's possibly the safest road toward making more money. I worked at that place for almost four years before I quit. And my husband will be backing me up. Just wanted to share. Send me your good vibes. I appreciate all of you. Thanks for reading and for being here. (&&&)
No matter the outcome, walk out of there like you should walk in; with your chin raised and a smile on your face! You have everything to be proud of, nothing to feel ashamed about, just remember that. *hugs*
