Because this is what fits me best. Because this is what I've always identified as. Because after months on EC, still seems even more accurate than "gay" or "bisexual". I'm tired of trying to fit labels and molds at the cost of my own self-acceptance and sanity. Could I be wrong? Sure, but this is what I feel comfortable using now - it beats constant back-and-forth questioning like so many other members have done just to fit in a box on EC. None of the reasons for my earlier curiosities necessarily point towards "gay", but I do think EC does have a pro-gay male bias. Too quick to diagnose someone as gay, using their own experiences as a measuring stick. That said, I've always been curious as to whether there were any other straight-identified members on EC? This could also be used as a Q&A thread for those members to share information with the rest of the site.
There is no coming out as straight, everyone is assumed straight unless they specifically come out as something else. Straight is what everyone initially assumes they themselves are and want to be, unless they have some reason to start questioning themselves as not conforming to what a very heteronormative culture and society expects. Society is so saturated in heterosexuality that it would be very rare for a truly straight person to have a reason to start thinking they may be gay or bi. Hence why people who go through any confusion about their sexuality, enough to join a forum like this, are typically going to end up being gay or bi to some extent.
I disagree with Rakkaus, cuz I think that's just a sweeping generalization. People go through this kind of crisis all the time, and I think it is possible to be very unsure of whether or not you are gay/straight/bi and still end up straight. I always choose to respect however a person wishes to identify and not assume they are shying away from their true identity cuz of some sort of misplaced guilt over belonging to the LGBT community. I have known MANY questioning people, and to me this is always the most difficult identity to struggle with, because unlike the rest of us, they don't even KNOW who they are. We have to fight oppression but at least we know what we are fighting for! So, I try to be understanding and compassionate cuz I ask the same of others for me. That being said, it seems as though you have still been going back and forth to radical extremes in very short amounts of time, gravechild. I am not telling you you aren't what you say you are, simply that you possibly need more time to think. Seriously, chilllaaax. Your sexuality isn't an emergency. Step away from it, you're too close. Then after you get some distance, do some exploring and figure out what feels right. This isn't an emergency, this isn't something you need to figure out right away, and this isn't set in stone for everyone. Some people are just more fluid than others, and that may be you. Who knows? Give it time, figure it out, and don't be so quick to jump to a label that might not fit you. Best of luuck <3
I've already come out as bisexual then gay to several friends and family members, both online and offline. Problem is, I was still questioning and hadn't really accepted the identities first, and I find it difficult to explore with that title, hence 'straight'. I felt a bit pressured. Questioning works, too. And I originally joined EC to ask a question on same-sex dreams, since it seemed a better alternative than a few other sites. Who says "gay" and "bi" are the only two options? This is exactly what I'm talking about when I say pressure, and just because gay males make up the majority does not mean the rest don't count. I'm not discounting the idea, but I'll come out as something else when I'm ready.
See, I think that is very very wrong for you to be pressured into an identity you are not sure of. Seriously, that kinda pisses me off that you had to feel that way. I really, REALLY don't like when people act like being LGBT is a social club and try to force people into their community. I don't like it when gay guys do it, I don't like it when lesbians do it, and I don't like it when transpeople do it (I never really see bi people recruiting, but that's wrong, too). Those of us that are fortunate enough to at least know who we are should help be there and support others that are struggling to gain that same confidence. This has always been important to me, cuz I recently had this friend that was struggling with his sexuality and I saw him pulled in different directions, and one in particular by someone I think was just using him and it did NOT end well, and it just made me...grrr, so mad that those people made him feel like that. The Q is an often forgotten acronym that needs our support quite possibly more than ANYONE else, and pressuring these people is just....wrong.
I know, and supposedly, it's pretty common for those who have just accepted it to want to backtrack. That doesn't mean I shouldn't have the right to jump around while I navigate, even if it's just for the sake of sanity. Not everyone goes straight -> bi -> gay, with certainty, so I don't see anything wrong with slowing down when I've let others decide for me and aren't sure or prepared. That said, I'm still curious as to what role straight members play on a site like EC.
Straight people would go on EC, I guess, to get advice for their relatives/friends who are LGBT and need some guidance
I originally came out as gay, and then decided after about a year that bi fit a lot better. So yeah, don't feel like you have to commit to a label for good, and don't feel bad about switching. Some people know exactly who they are and what they feel, and for some of us, it takes a little longer to come to that conclusion. No worries. Well, two of our staff, Rosina and Eleanor Rigby, are both straight. So straight folks can play a pretty big role here!
Well, I say this since *most* people on EC, real life, and other sites say I sound straight but confused, and I honestly don't know what's true anymore. Bisexual might fit best, after all, until I know for sure where I stand... with women, at least, I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing is true attraction or arousal, idealization, admiration, etc. It's hard to compare when you've never had much experience with the same sex! There's just something about committing to a label and restricting myself that doesn't sit well with me...
Then don't do so. If someone asks, just say that you aren't sure, or if they bring up that you came out in the past then say that it turned out to be too soon to commit to a label, or something like that. Orientation is confusing and types of attraction are complicated and labels can create boxes where there are none. It's okay to be straight, to be gay, to be bi, to not be sure, to be sure but defy labels for themselves.... They're useful for communication and community, but if you don't want to use them or aren't comfortable using them or feel restricted by them, then remember that you are more important than words. (As a side note, this is why I am okay with people coming out as bi and later coming out as something else if they want to, be that a case of deliberately using bisexuality as a stepping stone or a case of really thinking they were bisexual but then their thoughts changing.) (As a separate side note, I am tired so this post may be of little to no use and make little to no sense. )
