This is more about general behavior than it is about sex and relationships. When you are a little kid, your parents make a big deal about respecting elders, such as their friends and people older than them. They are mortified when you don't. I have, on occasion, seen some adults abusing this privilege. So, while a 7 year old is supposed to respect a 37 year old, is a 37 year old, for example, supposed to respect a 67 or 77 year old when they are out of line? I don't think they have to. I have been calling other adults and even some senior citizens on snarky comments and rudeness for a while now. It's funny how, because of an age gap, parents still think you have to show deference to people who are older than you. What do you think?
The same goes with my dad for me. My dad thinks he's the 'man' of the house and well i made it perfectly clear, if he doesn't give me any respect then he isn't getting back any I dont give a shit who you are. If you dont respect me then im not going to respect you
As a personal rule, I try to be respectful to anyone regardless of age. I don't put up with bullshit however, and I'll call out anybody on awful comments they make. I tend to get along relatively well with people who are much older than me (40-60s), so my experience may differ a little from other people I suppose. I'm not so good with the people of my generation however, apparently many 22 years old aren't so much interested in politics, economics, science, etc. as they are in drinking, smoking pot and going to parties. But no, I don't show deference to people who are older than me. I never "submit" to someone on the basis of his age, however I will speak more politely if it's not someone I'm used to interact with for the sake of politeness, but will begin using a more familiar language as I get along with the person unless I'm dealing with customers and whatnot.
As a 22 year old, I was never interested in that stuff. I thought it was boring. I, too, tended to seek out the company of those older than me. What's amazing is that, as an adult, my parents will call me out when I put their friends in their place when they trespass, and it's annoying enough. I'm not a kid anymore.
Kids are told to respect elders because they are certain to have a better grasp on how to behave. As for a 37 vs. 67 year old person? The difference is not so clear, since by then, both are essentially fully-developed from a maturity standpoint. I would respect old people because they have more life experience, but they shouldn't expect to order me around to do their bidding unless I'm doing them a favor.
I respect that some adults will have more experience (and I say some with reason), but I do not allow people the right to put their self above me because of age; I am more politically aware, well read, I know more about general issues, and I am more culturally literate than most adults, and if they don't respect that, they look like an idiot, because I know more. I do respect it when someone knows more about a certain matter; I don't pretend to know more, but the only reason I respect an older person is if they deserve it. I've met some old people who behave stupidly, yet demand respect.
I would go further and say that children don't necessarily have to respect adults. I was raised in a household where I was expected to respect my mom no matter what happened, even after she slapped me, verbally harassed me for several days, and threatened to kick me out of the house. I was also bullied by teachers on a few occasions and realized I couldn't rely on adults to help me with my problems at a young age. In practice, my stance is the same as Hefiel's, though my former experiences make me avoid anyone I feel might have authority over me for anything other than business purposes.
My parents were a bit like that when I was younger, but I've managed to make my place gradually over time by calling them out on their own BS and backing it up to a point that they could not argue back without falling into the illogical argument of "I'm your father, I'm always right" which was a sign that they had lost the argument. Right now we just call each other out on our BS, no hard feeling, no feeling of superiority either. We know where each of us stands and things are pretty clear amongst us.
Sadly since my family seems to be stuck in the olden days and they seem to think its still the 19th century my parent's were adamantly strict on respecting anyone that is elder to you and to further complicate that, in our culture the way we are born (ex. I am my fathers 1st son and my father is my grandfathers 1st son) decides our title so not only did i have to worry about respecting and submitting to my elders but also to anyone higher than me even if they are wrong. One time when i was 9 my granddad said something along the lines of "proper women need to stay home and watch the house, not go out and work!" so i basically called him out on that for being rude and my granddad was so pissed he started slamming the dining table chairs onto the walls and then he sent me to the corner to reflect on my disrespect.
I'll respect anyone who behaves respectably (or who haven't given me reason to suspect they won't), regardless of age.
The reason I see parents say "respect adults" is because it's a bit too cumbersome and pedantic to say "unless they do this, this or this." It's much easier to use a blanket term and give them only one "unless" and that's if the person is interacting with them as a stranger.
I personally view everyone as equal. For me to accept the authority of someone, that person must first show a certain degree of credibility and experience. I also challenge any source of authority, as I dislike all of them. Even in the case of someone who've I've acknowledged as being "superior" on some basis, while that person may be more "superior", they still have very limited authority over me. I'll give more consideration or credibility to whatever judgement call they make or information they spread, however I always question and analyze any judgement call or information spread to make sure that it is the right choice. I just have fewer doubts when it's someone I've personally considered to be "superior" to me. Sounds a bit narcissistic when I put it that way though, but that's the gist of it.
I'm the same way. If we mean respect as in being courteous then I am respectful to everyone in the vast majority of situations. However, if we mean respect as in to admire or look up to then age doesn't factor in at all. People can't control how old they are so that alone doesn't seem like a good reason to respect someone. Age alone isn't an accomplishment
My parents have tried to enforce that rule for my brother and I. Although they also taught me that you dont respect people who are extremely rude to you, you give them what they gave you. So they taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated.
You see: The problem with white folks/kids today is no one respects authority. And this is my problem with american culture, on awhole. And it's impact on globalization and western culture. I respect (immensely) oriental/african culture as it relates to their religious/value system as unlike the US, it focuses more on unity and selflessness rather than individualization. A Japanese kid will apologize 77 times 7 if they bumped into you while talking on their cell phone on the road. "Comenosi! Comenosi! Comenosi, gaumaske!" While, if it were an american teenager..."Hey! watch where you're going old man!" I've experienced this, read about this and even been apart of countless discussions about this and -one thing everyone can agree upon is-the verdict is that Americans have invested so much into freedom of this and that, liberty and independence that the very arrogance of such powerful and positive tools are en-rooted deep into the children. Where I come from (Jamaica, for those of you who don't know), if I live in my mama's house and I tell my mom (or father for that matter) that he isn't getting respect out of me unless he gives me, I'd get beat down so fast.... soooooooooo fast. I'd not even remember my own middle name! In fact, it's not uncommon for children to be publicly flogged or humiliated by parents in jamaican culture, as is in British culture (I have observed). Parents are the ones who clothe us, feed us, educate us (or pay for our education) and provide us with the means to procure our desires. So even if they nag or "disrespect" or even humiliate us: the life long debt we owe, we can never pay back. So from a very young age, Jamaican children are grown to psychologically believe MOTHERS are the greatest gift to man and we owe them everything. Father's... not so much. But, many kids still respect both parents out of culture (maybe rote), despite the amount and lvl of humiliation they receive from their parents. I have a friend who is asian, (Chinese) and lives with her parents. She is 29 and its difficult for her to date anybody because her parents only wants her to date Chinese men (idk why....it's so weird). She is a doctor and works in the same medical centre my office is (I am a dietitian) , so it's not like she can't afford it. But she told me on a personal level, it's customary for Asian kids to live in the family house until they are married. And as old as she is she is scared as hell to defy her parents. Her mother for one, still wacks her with her walking stick whenever they argue. (and I have seen that with my won 2 eyes.) It's crazy! My point is, yes there are some adults out there that abuse the system. And we can all agree they disrupt the social order of things. Especially if they are the ones we should be looking up to. But it is never an excuse to disrespect your elders. Half the crap I see white kids do and get away with, If it were a black mama? She would beat their ass like Precious! If it were a asian mama? She would turn them into noodles. If it were an itallian mama? wooooooah....You don't mess with an italain mama. I don't even have to touch russian kids. They are born to be soldiers, yow. And if it'a a Latina mama.... ...just don't bother come home. Your ass is pepper. You hear me. PE-PERRRR! Teenagers today should know their place and know when to walk away and know when to argue their points diplomatically. Instead of being rude to an adult or telling people twice their age to "f**k off" they need to Keep Calm and try to learn by example. That's my take.
First of all, your parents shouldn't be beating you. In my country (America, which you have generalised so nicely), that would be illegal and child cruelty. Secondly, you point out that it's white kids. Why single out the white kids? I'm white, and...what's your point??. What does race have to do with anything? My mother's a white French-Canadian. A white lady. Guess what? I was never ever spoiled as a child, and that includes getting punished badly. Let me tell you another thing. I disagree with this completely. My mother is a horrible parent. She is not paying for my college, has never supported me NOR encouraged me throughout life. I have had to do it myself. She does not like the fact that I am gay. Yet you're telling me that I have to submissively respect her and people like her because she just happens to be older than me? Respect is earned. It's arrogant of someone to automatically demand it (like some adults). Now believe me, I do respect all adults...that are nice to me and treat me well. It's the Golden Rule. If you think that all parents can do no wrong and are the people you should always look up to...then you're living in a pipedream and/or a fantasy land. They're parents, but they are not God. This is coming from a responsible, not arrogant white person, and I feel offended by some of this content. Americans are advancing in society, while other countries still live in the dark ages. Advancement and gaining liberties are a good thing.
My friend, It all depends on your definition of "advance". I am not saying my country isn't back-of-times. gods know we are! But, with all due respect, your parents are only responsible for bringing you into this earth and making sure you grow up healthy and well fed. My mother never sent me to collage ether. And I could say the same about encouragement. For I left my home for collage/university from age 14! Is school and internet and TV raise me. But A MOTHER IS STILL A MOTHER. She could have LOCK her legs when you were being born. And a lot of young careless girls are doing that today. That's what i'm talking about when I talk about young white kids problems. Please, do not construed my arguments for racism in any way or me marginalizing Americans or white children. I just strongly believe morals and ETHICS are about for a reason, and with each new generation, kids want to re-write the rules and grow big before time. Like when I see a 14 year old calling his father or mother by their first name. Or teacher by their first name. Stuff like that could NEVER happen here. YOU MAD??????? Instant detention in school! You address you teachers by "Sir, Miss, Madam, Monsieur, Senior, Senorita" (for we have a lot of Haitian and Cuban teachers) and parents mommy and daddy. And, if you even have lack of respect for them, you don't call them by their first name. You say "Mother, Father..." It's lesss personal and more political. YES! Its not no brainwash thing. It's ETHICS! And I am not the one for conformity but some things are IMPORTANT to consider. If everyone go around demanding respect it will cause a problem, for then, everybody has their own definition of what they consider to be "respect". True or False?
The title is meaningless. One cannot be a mother if they are not fulfilling the role of being a mother. That's like saying you're the chairman of a company....and you have that "title" but you don't DO anything at your job. You have the earn the title. Like respect. Children should earn respect just like parents. It's not a one-way street.
