Why are Bisexuals described as "Confusing"?

Perhaps some people have difficulty understanding how we can be like two things that are considered to be polar opposites, when they haven't experienced anything like it. Maybe. I don't know, I'm not monosexual. I've often wondered this myself.

What would be wrong with that?

 

I think there is generally an ignorant belief that there is 'gay' and there is 'straight'. They are by far the two most wildly known sexualities. Many people adopt a very black-and-white attitude when it comes to dealing with sexuality, and that's where the view that 'bisexuality' is a confusion.

This has probably been heightened by the media. There is little talk of any sexualities other than heterosexuality and homosexuality. (Albeit, there has been increased talk about transexuality recently) Little talk leads to little understanding of the wider picture. It also doesn't help that some people label themselves as bisexual if they kiss a girl one time when they were drunk in a bar. The term 'barsexual' comes to mind here. Especially with social networking, I think bisexuality has become a very loose term for anyone that has experimented with the same sex, perhaps not as a very real sexuality that seems completely legit.

I wasn't going to mention the hostility in the LGBTQ culture over bisexuality. And perhaps this has contributed slightly. But being hardly part of the culture, I can't really comment on that matter.

 

The only thing I find confusing about bisexuality is that I, as Hexagon stated, don't understand being able to be attracted to both sexes.

And that's not me saying I don't believe that it's possible, it's me saying that I just don't understand. In the same way I don't understand how straight men love the female sex so much.

 

But you do highlight that you believe it exists, and make no mention of the idea that it is confusion. And that's what people fail to do so.

 

The same way many gay people are able to be attracted to men of various races, body types, ages, and personality. It's a slippery slope, you get some gay men who say they could sleep and fall in love with women, the chances smaller, but refuse to acknowledge those attractions, and the LGBT community doesn't blink an eye.

I sometimes think both communities would be fine if we dropped any and all non-linear traits and assimilate. The fact that I am turned on by, crush on, and still show interest in women is a "problem" - "I was there once, you'll get over it" I'm told.

Sexuality can be pretty complex, but people are simple, so...

 

I think there is a confusion over it too. My friend asked me, "Why don't you like just one gender?" For years, I thought everyone found both genders attractive but just went with the opposite sex as a partner because it was 'natural' or 'expected.'

 

Yeah, like I get the mechanics behind it...

It's just when I actually think about being able to be sexually attracted to both sexes, it confuses me. Again, for no reason other than I don't experience it so I can't understand.

 

It's ignorance stemed from the belief that you can only like either male or female. And if you don't "pick one" as they put it, you're labeled undecided and/or confused

 

Don't worry. You guys confuse us too

 

It doesn't help coming out when you feel pressured to choose a side and there is little understanding or support. Some older guys might say they were where I'm at, could get it up for a woman, have romantic feelings, etc, and that's fine. I'm just not comfortable jumping the gun so soon, and bisexual feels most comfortable and accurate right now.

The assumption goes every moves from straight->bisexual->gay, when there's little mention of guys moving from gay->bisexual, which many have. Sexuality is extremely complex, again, and it doesn't help when one that falls outside the norm is called "bullsh**". The problem with using your own experiences as a benchmark is that not everyone will end up in the exact same place.

I've felt alienated from many gay men for these very same reasons, and in the case that I do find out I'm actually a transitioning gay, I'd probably still keep my distance from those who share such toxic, bigoted views. As men, we're really not given much options in life: black-and-white describes the situation perfectly. I'm sure there are curious straight men who never voice their concerns for fear of being booted off the ship immediately, just like any signs of non-polar attractions from self-identified gay men are immediately brushed to the side and forgotten.

 

I feel like since the majority of people either like ONLY one gender or the other people are often not open to the fact that someone could be attracted to both genders. There is no right or wrong gender to be attracted to and you don't have to choose one or the other. I'm not confused in the least about my sexuality. I am confident that I can be sexually and romantically attracted to both males and females.

 

Well, there's no doubt that both bisexuals and the general public, of all sexual preferences, experience confusion, or maybe misunderstanding, of this unique and not so easily defined situation. Each position on the continuum seems to be different.

First, I've read terms such as "the well adjusted bisexual" and "the neurotic bisexual." The text as to both types described was lengthy. Maybe how well adjusted or neurotic (no longer a medical term, really) depends on how people are received or treated. Just a thought.

I've discussed bisexuality in general conversation with straight, bisexual, and gay people. Again, the following are MY experiences in discussions I've held. Straight folks either just don't get it, are intrigued, or make jokes about switch hitting and the flexibility, bisexuals naturally defend the position and may even elaborate on the relative tilt, and some gay folks are either accepting while others are hostile, though in a verbal or disapproving sense. I have seen the latter and I think that potential friendships have been thwarted by not agreeing to disagree. The friend with whom I first experimented in high school is still my friend, and he values my friendship irrespective of any of our life experiences, beliefs, and values since that time.

 

I want to preface this by saying I have nothing but respect for bisexual people and in no way believe that there's anything wrong with being bisexual. However, whenever someone tells me they're bisexual, my immediate gut reaction is along the lines of "Oh.... Well sorry for wasting your time." I really don't know why, but subconsciously I feel bisexuals' attraction is, like, less valid.

This could have something to do with how many gay people will come out as bi before they come out as gay, as a way of testing the water. Like, "I'm kinda different, but not that different." I did that, and when I saw my friends really didn't care, I got the rest of myself out of the closet. I guess I project that situation onto bisexuals, and sorta assume they're not being true to themselves.

I know that being bi is a completely valid sexual orientation, but I guess someone still needs to tell my subconscious.

 

Well, your assessment has validity and also some ingredients of a common reaction, that of not being authentic. If we look at sexuality in only a mechanical sense, one who can function under both scenarios is bisexual. However, most bisexuals do tilt more to one side in my opinion. I like the Kinsey concept, but not its numerical aspects; however, I think Kinsey 3s are way less common than 1s, 2s, 4s, and 5s. I have an acquaintance I've lost track of who told me that, as a teenager, attempted to initiate sex with a girl in the neighborhood and same school, and he did not get aroused. Fortunately, the situation was a non-event and there was no criticism or bad feelings. Some can be aroused by both genders, but prefer one gender for one reason or another.

 

^Instead of shooting them down, why not instead embrace them with open arms? Suppose many self-identified bisexuals are on their road to gaydom, wouldn't it make more sense to show them what that world has to offer, having formerly been in their position? The tensions that exist on both sides only alienate up-and-coming gay men that would have normally embraced the lifestyle and community if they were taken on their word and treated as equals. I think it's ridiculous to expect everyone to jump out of the closet and embrace a gay identity, even today, with recent strides in the social and political areas.

 

Because some people think there is only gay and straight. If you ask me, THEY'RE the ones who are confused.

 

I actually think most straight people "get it." I once read that many, if not most, straight people, at some point in their lives, have found themselves fascinated with someone of their own gender, and it may have occurred once and subsided, but the assertion in the article was that it occurred. There are movie stars and famous people who reported a same sex sexual encounter, and reported only one event or several experiences with one person, who came from and went back to being straight. I don't know what that was all about, but the media identifies them as straight. That one is a little confusing to me.

 

Bisexuality isn't a transitional period in which a questioning person shifts to homosexuality. It's a legitimate sexual orientation. I am sexually attracted to both men and women. Is it really that hard to believe that a person be attracted to both? I have been in relationships with guys and girls. Never once during either did I feel out of place with someone of the same or opposite gender. Every relationship I've had has been 100% genuine. Just because you guys cannot feel genuine a romantic connection to females doesn't mean I can't.

 

I don't understand why bisexuals are labeled as confused. When I first came out, I came out as bisexual. And I will admit that I felt pressured to pick a side, but it was unnecessary pressure that I put on myself. I have a very good friend who is bisexual and she is not confused at all. She actually likes women more, but she most definitely still likes men. Bisexual people have the ability to either end up with a male or female. However, I have noticed that if a bisexual person ends up with a man, she's labeled as straight. If she ends up with a woman, she's labeled as gay. But these are labels that other people attach to them. Unless they tell you otherwise, then they are still technically bisexual.

I think I may have some bisexual tendencies, yet I feel more comfortable labeling myself as a lesbian. Why? Because I love women more then men, also I'd never date another man.