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How do other kids know?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gravechild, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. gravechild

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    So I've been thinking, how some people knew they were gay at a young age (I never thought so, didn't even think of attractions at all) and have been in the closet for years until finally gathering the courage to accept themselves and not hide anymore. I still have one question: how do other young children *know* when a person is gay? I have a brother who hugged a male classmate when he was younger, and was immediately pushed away and told "I'm not gay" by the other (this other would then start playing with girls only, and later come out as a gay boy). When I told one of my friends of this not long ago his first reaction was "Is your brother gay?"

    It's obvious that even by the time they're 5-6 years old, kids already have a very cookie cutter idea of what boys and girls are supposed to and not supposed to do, so is it just by playing sports, or speaking a certain way that they can tell if someone is not straight, or do they simply label them as "different" and decide to label them with a term to shame them? Because I don't remember being *radically* different than any of my classmates, yet innuendos would come up frequently, which I thought was just due to them being jerks.

    Can they really be sure? Are the differences that obvious? I just knew a girly boy was usually called certain names, and those types you would not miss blindfolded at night - their presence was obvious. Everyone else? Was it assumed straight until proven otherwise, with homophobic insults aimed at their lack of conformity?

    One way or another, I think "gaydar" begins at an early age, seeing who has interest in opposite sex, feels comfortable with others of the same-sex, and relationship status. It shouldn't be, but some people probably take these into consideration before suspecting someone of being... one of them.
     
  2. Tightrope

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    I don't think it's THAT simple. What I found is that kids hang out with other kids with similar temperaments, interests, intelligence levels, senses of humor, and stuff like that. Whether they then turn out to be sexually on the same frequency is not an absolute. If something is said, or done, then kids know the score. As for the assumptions, they are typically aimed at nonconforming stuff, which hits some kids harder and other kids less so. Professional gay/bi athletes probably missed out on that type of treatment because, on the surface, their interests fit the "should" category when they were in school. Some of them report not being sexually aware when they were young and some people really aren't.
     
  3. Ettina

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    How old was your brother when he hugged his classmate? Because I'm guessing it had nothing to do with thinking the guy was gay - kids are just more affectionate than adults. It's more strange for the classmate to react like that, but maybe he was in the closet and overreacted.
     
  4. gravechild

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    Correct, they were both 6 when it happened, and the kid would later come out as gay. I remember my mother telling me how my brother felt hurt, that one of what he considered his closest friends would coldly reject his one expression of gratitude.