Last night, I had just finished a huge project. It was about 12:00 am and I wasn't quite ready for bed, so i decided to look up some artists I enjoy on DeviantArt.com. In one artist's journal, I read that he wasn't doing well. I read back, and discovered that his former boyfriend and now best friend had died over three months ago. And he had just recently found out. I had originally found the artist in question when he was still dating the guy who passed away. So I knew the severity of the situation. Anyway, I just couldn't believe it all. It was so unreal. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I just cried for a good hour. I was overcome with emotion as I read back in his journal to get the whole story. The whole thing just opened me up, allowed me to feel everything I have been suppressing lately. I am so sorry for everyone involved, but mainly the first artist I mentioned. He had assumed his friend was just too busy to talk when he hadn't heard from him for a week after his trip to see a friend, but as the weeks passed, he knew things weren't good, and now he finds out he was the last one to know. I just felt so bad about all of this, it just astonishes me... And makes me thankful for everything I have. Whoa... just had to get that out. Perhaps some of you know who I'm talking of. And how does someone cope with something like that. I just cannot believe what he's going through right now.
Wow. Thats really rough, he couldn't be much older than you was he. I'm just grasping at unknowns from the gravity of your reaction. So he wasn't aware for three entire months his boyfriend was dead?
ex boyfriend, current best friend and yes... 3 whole months. Oh, and they were both 18. perhaps i should post a link to the journal?? i just feel it to be inappropriate or something..
Your probably right, don't post the link. It would risk bombardment of comments to the already mourning owner. And thats a really powerful story...you're right it does make you appreciate having alive those whom we'd give our own lives to save.
yeah, I know how much it hurts to loose, and the last thing you want at a time like that is a bunch of nobody comments... so yeah, some people here may know who I'm speaking of, and we'll leave it at that.
I think that this is the first time, or at least, one of the first times when I have started realizing that real people, who have it all going on, can die. That shitty things can happen to good people. And it all really caught me off guard. I returned to the journal entries several nights last week, and was faced with the same emotion. This one thing, has really taught me a lot about myself. And I think that puts me at peace a little, knowing he, even just for this, his death meant something. And knowing that the pain the best friend faced really did so much for me. I dunno.. Just had to finish off this thread before it died. This experience has just meant a lot to me. It's something I don't think i will ever forget.
Indeed, the loss is unfortunate and I empathize with the author. Death, though, as you learned is a great teacher. One of life's little lessons is to value what you have, it is usually not a lesson learned until a death occurs and we take stock in our own lives. In the original post, you ask how someone copes with the loss. I would suggest a book by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, "On Death and Dying". Kubler-Ross lists five stages that people go through in coping with a loss. Several of the stages run parallel with what parents and perhaps you go through in the coming out process. I, personally, found this book to be of help when I faced the death of my grandfather and self-realization that I was gay while reading it for a Theology course in college.
it really is sad when I was 17 my girlfriend at the time got in a very bad car accident that almost killed her it was so scary I was waiting at a friends house for her and when she didn't show up it really made me think the worst and I was left thinking the worst until the hospital was able to get in touch with me. She looked so terrible I wanted to give her a hug and kiss but she was so messed up that I couldn't I could just hold her hand and be beside her it really was a miracle that she survived. we aren't together now but we are like best friends now and I don't know what my life would be like without her in my life so it really hurts me when someone loses someone they care about it just makes me feel that much luckier that I didn't have to go through that. Sam
Please see this thread here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=930 which puts this in perspective with the whole "coming out" process.
