There's really no un-awkward way to say this…so I'll just say it…I wish I were of Asian descent. (I'm of Italian descent.) Let me be clear that this is not for racist reasons. Here's why: Almost all of my friends happen to be of Indian, Japanese, Chinese, and Korean descent. So of course there are conformity issues. But it goes deeper than that. I've showed up to parties to which I was invited, only to be denied entrance by my friends' parents because they're only comfortable with other Asian-Americans being at their houses. Of course, since I grew up nearly exclusively around Asian-Americans, I find Asian men more attractive. A lot more. It's not a racist feeling, it's simply subconscious, because that's my idea of what people are supposed to look like. Whenever someone describes someone to me, I picture someone of Asian appearance unless they say otherwise. But I digress. I have this deep ingrained feeling that I consciously know is ridiculous, but I can't shake, that I'm the different one, the one who's a freak, who doesn't belong; and I always think I'm ugly because I don't look like a "normal" human; subconsciously. So yeah. It's time to play the "how weird is Krilky" game. Yay.
This is interesting. I'm sure you know that such a question is HIGHLY subjective. What is a 1 or 2 for me may be a 4 or 5 for someone else, and so on. With that said, I won't give an answer because what such a number means to me would mean something different to you. I will say that it's an interesting thing to yearn for. Of course, ideally you'd be comfortable with yourself in your entirety. You're still young, of course, and so that may just happen later on. I'm sure others wish they were of Italian descent. It's perhaps a tiny tad unfortunate but no one can help how they were born. It's interesting that you've not been allowed into others' houses because they're only comfortable with Asian-Americans. That's just... quite unfair, to be honest.
Went with 1. There's nothing really weird about this. It's a shame that you feel you don't really "belong", however screw that "normal human" bullshit, it's stupid. You're not out at all according to your status, so I assume that has a lot to do with your feeling of being the "different one"/"freak" (you're not a freak) since you're having to hide that part of you.
I defined it as Indian, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean descent. 80 or 90 percent of my friends are one of those four.
but like, i just want to get to the root of it (i don't think you're weird by the way, i like that you don't restrict yourself to "your culture" (italian/american) and want to experience others), and there are so many "types" of the above mentioned groups, and what about thai people? you see what i mean?
I don't think it's weird; I also had this idea that I wanted to be Japanese, or Korean. You age better, and are generally less hairy! I'm happy with who I am, though it is fun to dream. I'll say 1; not weird at all.
WAIT. your friends' parents deny you entrance? >_> and they live in USA? they should be a bit more open with non-Asian people *sigh* does your friends know about this?
Yes do define "Asian" because when you get down to semantics, even those people of white descent are "Asian" well "Caucasian" stemming from the Caucus mountains. Which are in what we would call asia. Even those people of middle eastern descent are technically "Asian" because the Middle East is southwest Asia. But to most of the world, for one to be considered "Asian" they have to stem from Southeast Asia... The whole thing is just far too mind boggling.
As an Chinese-American and living in a Chinatown reminiscent community, it's better to be Asian when your parents are American-born, meaning you are 3rd or 4th generation Asian. Having first-generation parents is a drag when you want to have a social and outgoing life because they lecture you on their sacrifices and their high expectations. But it is pretty cool to be Asian since we're a total ethnic minority. You could lecture yourself on Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Indian culture. You may not be Asian but you'll know the customs and such.
