Forcing the Issue.

The mind is a powerful thing. It can talk you into believing or doing things that go against yourself. It's as simple and disturbing as that... With that said, it's also because of how people were raised to believe that it's not good or normal to be LGBT+. It's nice that, in general, things are vastly improving. Progress is steady, somewhat, and it will hopefully likely continue to be so.

 

He's probably thinking about his favorite bottom the whole time. Maybe they have some anal sex first so he can get an erection.

 

I also was aware that I was attracted to guys at a very young age, middle school (or even earlier) - I even had an encounter with a classmate off and on through most of middle school. I decided that I didn't want to be gay, and forced myself to like girls. Wasn't very successful at it though, and never went on more than a couple of dates through high school. Even long afterwards, I would say that I was more "asexual" than anything, because I REFUSED to let myself be GAY (the horror!) but just wasn't ever comfortable around women. Then I met my wife... She was my first kiss, first love, first sexual encounter with a woman. I told myself that I could be happy; that the love for my wife was able to keep whatever other feelings I had hidden away in some deep, dark corner of my mind, never to be heard from again. A couple of years later, we were married, and had a child together. But I was lying to myself (and everyone else...) My desire for men never really went away, and shortly after our child was born, they came back with a vengeance. I slowly lost interest in having sex with my wife, and became more and more obsessed with my feelings towards men. So here I am today; gay, married, and miserable.

I think that another way of looking at it is this... There's black (100% gay) and white (100% straight). and about a thousand shades of grey in between. I think that for someone who is either black or white, it's hard (but not impossible) to shift from this position. However, I think that someone who is in a "grey" area tends to shift as time goes on; as you get older. I also think that it's hard (but not impossible) to remain grey - I think that you're slowly, but steadily pushed to one side or the other.

Or I may be full of crap... I don't know, but that's my story.

---------- Post added 7th Jul 2013 at 03:22 PM ----------

Actually, no; I never thought of having sex with a man when I was with my wife in order to be able to "perform". Someone else on another thread suggested the idea of having the wife use a strap-on for sex... That's all good, but doesn't really fix the issue. It's not about sex (ok, it's not ALL about sex). I've found that the emotional connection that I can feel with another man is simply stronger. Would I enjoy my wife using a strap-on? Probably. Would it change anything? No - because the emotional connection just wouldn't be there.

 

It's very complex, since it's different for everyone. Most of them are the types that can't accept that they're gay or refuse to live this way. Others have strong beliefs (mostly religious) agains't they're homosexuality or delude themselves of their ideals of a "straight man" Both end up getting slapped by the reality of who they are

How they get aroused by their spouses? Most of them fantasize (with shame) about men/woman during sex. While others use viagra I think ? Then again sexual orientation isn't always 100% Some gay men find women, for lack of better word and forgive me if it sounds awful, doable. Just like some straight men can do it with men, but still find women much more attractive.

 

Oh... And since the next obvious question would be... If I was successful in suptessing me feelings before, why can't you do it again? If I knew the answer to that one, trust me, I wouldn't be here on EC trying to figure out what to do with my life.

 

yeah, it's not healthy at all to bottle up your feelings and emotions at all. Luckily, I found one acquaintance who I kind of shared my whole life story with. It's pretty amazing how much I told him when he assured me everything would be kept in confidence, and he quickly became a good friend who we, basically, open up to i.e we are an open book to each other. He's also gay so he knows where I'm coming from as he's been there years before.

It won't be that obvious, it's all just in your head, you're definitely over thinking the issue at hand.

 

I think many times (voluntary) marriages like those are done by people who truly believe it is the best for themselves and/or their family, or have convinced themselves that leading a heterosexual lifestyle is the only true and acceptable way to find happiness. Some people, in the end, are content with their choice, despite the facts remaining that they are in constant denial of an aspect of themselves.

 

Sex with women was always made out to be the "normal" thing guys do. Although I had no interest in them I wanted to be normal so I pursued relationships with women. I don't find sex with women to be gross its just boring. After I had sex a few times I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. This was also before I could admit to myself that I was gay. Once I was willing to accept that, sex with women became irrelevant.

 

Denial is a powerful thing. Almost anything in life can be accomplished using mind over matter. Eventually who you are catches up with you though and that's when all hell breaks loose.

Robotman, being something you are not is never easier. I wish I would've had the strength/will to accept who I am at your age like you have. Stop in the "LGBT Late In Life" section and you'll see the messes that can be made. I have found that even though everything hasn't went the way I would've liked since coming out, my life is 50 times easier than it was before. Keep your head up, if you are proud of who you are, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

I could not have said it better...