Hello everyone, This week was a good week. I was on a holiday at the beach :icon_bigg The entire week I had a lot of fun with my friends. Yet I now have a weird feeling thinking back to all of it. While we were travelling back, I came out to them (I am dating a girl at the moment). I traveled back with two guys and a girl. They seemed uncomfortable at first, maybe because they never suspected a thing, but then told me it didn't matter. The girl stated hesitantly that if she didn't like every man that walked by, I didn't have the same with women. She added a 'right'? That made me wonder whether she thought I was interested in her. We had slept in the same room. I thought totally nothing of it! But now I can understand somehow that she might think otherwise. During other holidays I, of course, have slept with other female friends in rooms and beds. Will they suspect the same as her???? Now I feel bad and very uncomfortable with myself because I am afraid that they will not be as comfortable around me as before. That's actually my deepest fear. I kind of regret coming out. Yes, I would be keeping a big secret from my friends, but it's always better than these doubts! Are there people with the same fears? Are they rational? Do straight people assume we are attracted to them? Will things be different? My previous coming-outs made things different, but not as terrifying as this. (Sorry for my English, it's 6 in the morning, not my best time )
It's nice to hear that you had a good week. To answer your questions in your penultimate paragraph: -There are people with those fears -They're not rational fears -Quite a few straight people assume that we're attracted to them -Things may be different Now, with that said... If they're your friends, and they are open minded, or at least try to be, this shouldn't be an issue in the long run. Most people don't hit on everyone they see, and most people aren't attracted to everyone they see. Surely they know that, and gay people are no exception to that. With time, they'll likely make that connection themselves, I hope. You could always clue them in to that fact as well, though. If you do so, I'd advise against making it seem confrontational. Being more lighthearted and nonchalant about it would likely be helpful. Admittedly, that takes more effort on your part, which isn't fair, but... still, it's an option.
Hello Luthan, thank you for your reply You are completely right, I can see that. It isn't fair that we have to put that much effort in trying to convince people we are not the way they think. That girl was someone who never ever assumed that anyone liked her, so those words coming out of her mouth were a shock. It made me realise that there really are a LOT of people who have those fears. Maybe it's such a shock to me because this was the first time it ever happened to me. Just like detectives seeing dead bodies. The first one always hits the hardest, but the more they see, the more normal it becomes. I need to learn how to deal with this! Okay I just totally compared coming out to seeing dead bodies, that is of course an exaggeration of huge proportions but I hope you can understand what I mean thanks again!
Hey Laura, well done on having the courage to do that with your friends in the first place One thing that does tick me off is that assumption that you suddenly fancy everyone of the same gender. The phrase 'get over yourself' springs to mind here y'know. I did have those worries at first with my friends but they are great. I even had one very close friend, my godbrother, come to visit me to stay over. I came out to him when he arrived as I didn't want to do it on phone and explained that I had no problems if he felt uncomfortable and didn't want to stop over as we would be sharing his bed. He just replied that I'm the same person I always was and it's no biggy. At the end of the day you're not here to be judged. We are who we are. 'Judge not lest ye be judged'. Don't force yourself to conform are anything like that. Embrace the life you have began and the time you have got to grow into the person you will be. Crikey if I had the courage and awareness to come out at your age I would have. Just give your friends time to come round to it as it happened in a bit of a closed 'no escape' environment and they probably just need space to process it.
